is this normal?

gill_81uk

He obviously knows it's not considered 'normal' if he makes you pretend he does nice things in front of his mates.

doelani

Hubby and I do not usually buy each other birthday/xmas/anniversery cards or presents. If we need something we will get it if we have the money.

I know this would upset some people but does not bother me.

sandiep

Its not that un-normal, depends how much of a fuss was made in his family. My hubby doesn't ever think to send anyone Christmas cards, and doesn't bother with birthday cards for anyone other than me & the kids. However he usually makes a phone call etc instead, and if he's around then they'll be some kind of present, but he's not, then there won't be.

My sisters partner is absolutely crap at all things like birthdays and christmas etc. But he grew up in a family that simply didn't celebrate anything like that. And (they own a hotel) are all expected to work as normal on their birthdays etc.

There is probably a bit of something a bit deeper going on.

rrwfotr

you could be right, i know they didnt do xmas presents when he was little. I do worry what he will be like when we have kids, you can't shatter a small childs dreams and tell them father xmas hasn't visited them because he couldn't be bothered!

SailorSam

Cards and presents are very nice but i think it's more important to show people you love them throughout the whole year and not just on one or two special days.
The most important thing you can give is your time.

Little_Vics

I agree with sandiep - there's something deeper going on here. If it wasn't 'modelled' to him as a child, then it's likely that he won't do it. We're the same in our marriage - but I knew it before we exchanged rings so it doesn't bother me that much any more.

rrwfotr

SailorSam wrote: »

Cards and presents are very nice but i think it's more important to show people you love them throughout the whole year and not just on one or two special days.
The most important thing you can give is your time.

thats true, but we dont spend any quality time together, we dont go away together, we just sit infront of the tv.

Odette

Sounds like your better off getting rid if you ask me. To be plain and honest, celebrating occasions is what forms a bond to another person, as well as other things. Do you share time together chatting? Or, if you dont mind me asking, have a good relationship in the bedroom? Also, would you say you have a good level of self esteem?

If both of those are no, Id say cut your losses and get out. Sorry for being blunt, but well done for putting up with it for so long.

Money_maker

rrwfotr wrote: »

thats true, but we dont spend any quality time together, we dont go away together, we just sit infront of the tv.

If you do have kids, this is not going to be ideal. They need to be out and about now and then to learn.

Perhaps you could sit down and talk this over. Christmas is my favourite bit of the year and I couldn't cope with a no show.

mrcow

rrwfotr wrote: »

thats true, but we dont spend any quality time together, we dont go away together, we just sit infront of the tv.

Then chuck the bloody thing down the tip and get yourselves talking to each other and start spending time with each other.