Splitting the bills 50/50, my money, your money - Please your married !!!!

[Deleted User]

kbleigh wrote: »

Honestly I am not kidding,I wish that I was.

He has explained why he is like this, his mum and dad split up and the divorce was horrendous, because there was their house that went back in his mum's family for generations, but that his dad had spent £1000s on extending and renewing almost everything in it. Then there was a business that his dad owned, but that his mum had put revenue into. Throughout the whole divorce proceedings his mum would tell him what was happening with regards the problems with 'splitting the assests' and so my other half is now adament that everything now should be 50/50 so that there are no arguments if we ever did split up.

As I mentioned previously my dad cannot believe the way that money is handled in our relationship, when I have spoken to him about other things in the relationship my dad always goes back to the money side of things. I never thought that it was such a bad arrangement as he made out, but obviously seeing your replies on here it is.

I always tend to think " It could be worse, at least I know that he is careful with money, and is not in debt"

Wot if you ever got engaged? Would he expect you to pay for the ring?

What about the wedding? Would he expect half the cash from you?

Charliebird

I would have agreed with you up until Tuesday last week!! We had a joint account and seperate Bank Accounts - mainly as I never felt comfortable buying my husband a present out of the Joint Account! I wanted to save or earn out of my salary or wages so I could do nice stuff!!
Anyway last week I discovered that he has a gambling problem and has raised £165K of debt of which up until Friday £15K was on the joint account and I was liable for.
Now we have had to seperate everything so that I can retain my excellent credit score and he can go into a DMP.

So you do have to be a bit savvy about some of this stuff. My husbands behaviour has shocked everyone as its perceived to be out of character -so whilst I am not saying that you shouldn't trust anyone and keep everything seperate. I am saying think carefully - people can change or be influenced to behave in a strange way so best to have something that belongs just to you

Dinah93

[quote=[Deleted User];24284815]Wot if you ever got engaged? Would he expect you to pay for the ring?

What about the wedding? Would he expect half the cash from you?[/QUOTE]

I'm going to guess he'd never waste money on something like a ring! Plus given his family experiences and the fastidious need to keep his money seperate, somehow I can't see him being pro-marriage as he seems like an extremely untrusting individual.

Dinah93

Charliebird wrote: »

I would have agreed with you up until Tuesday last week!! We had a joint account and seperate Bank Accounts - mainly as I never felt comfortable buying my husband a present out of the Joint Account! I wanted to save or earn out of my salary or wages so I could do nice stuff!!
Anyway last week I discovered that he has a gambling problem and has raised £165K of debt of which up until Friday £15K was on the joint account and I was liable for.
Now we have had to seperate everything so that I can retain my excellent credit score and he can go into a DMP.

So you do have to be a bit savvy about some of this stuff. My husbands behaviour has shocked everyone as its perceived to be out of character -so whilst I am not saying that you shouldn't trust anyone and keep everything seperate. I am saying think carefully - people can change or be influenced to behave in a strange way so best to have something that belongs just to you

Horrible situation to be in, but do you not have a joint mortgage?

[Deleted User]

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

Me and OH have a strange set-up. I know this is going to incur the wrath of some people out there but... :rotfl:
We have separate current accounts, although with the same bank. I have total access to OH's account - I know all his internet passwords, PIN numbers etc and I know exactly what goes in what goes out and when. He is totally happy with this, as Im better with all of that than he is due to his mental health problems. (And the fact I used to work in banking!) If he needs to write a cheque for whatever reason, I write it on my account and he gives me the money - he doesnt even know how to write one!

But my account is my own, closely guarded secret. I know how much he earns to the last penny - he has no idea how much I get paid (its a LOT more than he thinks!) or what I spend my money on. He most certainly doesnt know ANY of my account details and if I thought he did they would get changed sharpish - I even make him close his eyes or leave the room if he happens to be in the room while Im accessing it. But it works for us - he knows roughly where my money goes so he isnt really too concerned. He pays all the bills and food (except the phone and internet - he doesnt use it, so I think its only fair that I pay the bill) and if I happen to buy something that he considers for the house (for example, I bought a new quilt, pillows, towels, duvet covers and sheets as we needed some) he pays me back for them.
However we often pool our spare money when we have it and use it for things like nights out etc - this set up works better for us as....
a) it stops arguments about things that the other person considers 'unnecessary' like OH's rugby season ticket and my trips away;
b) my credit rating is absolutely shocking (Im on a DMP) and OH's is perfect (he has no credit other than his mortgage)
OH refuses to allow me to pay towards the bills (I just do a faster payment of £30 for the phone and internet every payday) so I dont see why we need a joint account?? I think if we did have one it would probably split us up as OH would find out the extent of my Amazon download addiction :rotfl:
My parents also have an interesting set-up. For years, dad didnt have a bank account, and mum had an all-singing, all-dancing current account with Yorkshire Bank which was strictly hers, and hers alone. She paid all the bills and held all the cards - she had full Switch as it was then with chq guarantee and a Visa card. Fast forward a few years and dad's pension and disability benefits have to be paid into an account, so now they have a joint account with Visa Debit cards.But ever since dad (who's scared stiff of new fangled gadgets bless him :rotfl:) got himself into such a pickle the machine nearly swallowed his card (and his fingers as well :rotfl:) mum has confiscated his card and now withdraws the money on her own card and gives him the cash. She runs the account though - she makes sure all the bills are paid etc, its basically a joint account run as a single account would be. It used to really annoy her a few years ago (I have seen it happen - I dont know if its cos they're older or what?) when people used to assume my dad was the one with the card - I was with them once when they were buying something and the smarmy sales guy asked my dad how he would like to pay and he said 'the wife's got the cards' and the guy looked realyl shocked when my mum handed over HER Visa card!!!

Hang on - he pays all the bills and you earn more than he thinks and keep it all for yourself.

OMG. Taking advantage or what?

[Deleted User]

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

I dont tell my OH for the sake of harmony - he is the old-fashioned type who thinks its wrong for women to earn more than men :rolleyes: if he knew I earned more than him it would quite possibly start relationship WW3! He knows how much my BASIC wage is (13300) but not how much my enhancements total. I earned just over half what he earned last tax year as I started my job halfway through the tax year. However this year I fully expect it to reflect that fact I actually earn more than him.
He is quite happy for me to operate my account this way - he says its my money and its none of his business (his words exactly!) what I do with it. Ditto his money - I've made noises about him forking out nearly £500 for his season ticket while claiming he skint :rolleyes:
But its his money.... the only reason I have so much access to his account is that if I didnt he couldnt manage it himself.

My apologies. From your last post I assumed you earned about the same and still let him pay all the bills.

Still reckon you should be a bit more honest and open though....

londoner1998

The_Banker wrote: »

Married couples who have their own accounts dont seem committed to me. And if they arent married they are even less committed;)

Seems like they just want to still live seperate lives.

... and so what? I am not married, but have lived with my partner for 6 years now. He has his money and I have mine. When I feel I need it, I go on a week's holiday by myself. So does he. More often than not we do it together. We go dutch in everything, and when we feel like treating each other, we do. When one of us is having a hard time financially, we help each other. It works for us and I don't consider myself less committed because of our separate bank accounts or because we are not married. I wouldn't dream of judging people because of their financial arrangements or legal status, it means nothing in terms of commitment. How many couples are keeping joint accounts and remain married, only to be cheating on each other??? Are they more committed than I am?:mad:
I earn my money and I have my life,which I share with my partner. We don't live the same life, we share it, and as an adult, independent woman, I think this idea of joining everything and making everything one is very outdated and can give a lot of problems if things don't work out (like very often they don't). I am not the half of anything (neither is he), I am a whole person and as it stands right now, we just don't need to join my finances. :cool: I am responsible for my finances and have always been. Whatever it works for people, is up to them.

I just don't see the point of the thread, other than expressing an opinion. It is very clear that there are numerous possible arrangements and permutations, as many as people and couples, but as someone said, there is no need to get on a high horse and judge people's commitments through their financial decisions. Unless of course these other decisions make you question your own...

[Deleted User]

Charliebird wrote: »

I would have agreed with you up until Tuesday last week!! We had a joint account and seperate Bank Accounts - mainly as I never felt comfortable buying my husband a present out of the Joint Account! I wanted to save or earn out of my salary or wages so I could do nice stuff!!
Anyway last week I discovered that he has a gambling problem and has raised £165K of debt of which up until Friday £15K was on the joint account and I was liable for.
Now we have had to seperate everything so that I can retain my excellent credit score and he can go into a DMP.

So you do have to be a bit savvy about some of this stuff. My husbands behaviour has shocked everyone as its perceived to be out of character -so whilst I am not saying that you shouldn't trust anyone and keep everything seperate. I am saying think carefully - people can change or be influenced to behave in a strange way so best to have something that belongs just to you

£165K !!! wow - thats a lot !!! Hope it gets sortyed out...

The_Banker_5

londoner1998 wrote: »

... and so what? I am not married, but have lived with my partner for 6 years now. He has his money and I have mine. When I feel I need it, I go on a week's holiday by myself. So does he. More often than not we do it together. We go dutch in everything, and when we feel like treating each other, we do. When one of us is having a hard time financially, we help each other. It works for us and I don't consider myself less committed because of our separate bank accounts or because we are not married. I wouldn't dream of judging people because of their financial arrangements or legal status, it means nothing in terms of commitment. How many couples are keeping joint accounts and remain married, only to be cheating on each other??? Are they more committed than I am?:mad:
I earn my money and I have my life,which I share with my partner. We don't live the same life, we share it, and as an adult, independent woman, I think this idea of joining everything and making everything one is very outdated and can give a lot of problems if things don't work out (like very often they don't). I am not the half of anything (neither is he), I am a whole person and as it stands right now, we just don't need to join my finances. :cool: I am responsible for my finances and have always been. Whatever it works for people, is up to them.

I just don't see the point of the thread, other than expressing an opinion. It is very clear that there are numerous possible arrangements and permutations, as many as people and couples, but as someone said, there is no need to get on a high horse and judge people's commitments through their financial decisions. Unless of course these other decisions make you question your own...

Youre the one who's on their high horse.;)

Not me.;)

londoner1998

The_Banker wrote: »

Youre the one who's on their high horse.;)

Not me.;)

You are entitled to your opinion, and so am I. It just doesn't occur to me to judge other people's emotional commitment to their relationship based on their financial arrangements... but then again, I have my own bank account and all my money is mine...:eek:

(sorry, I couldn't help myself, I am not normally this sarcastic )

Each to their own, I say, whatever floats your boat, financially or otherwise...;)