Splitting the bills 50/50, my money, your money - Please your married !!!!

Dinah93

kbleigh wrote: »

I know you are being sarcastic, but my dad finds our arrangment in terms of food hillarious, so I have to reply. We both go grocery shopping together, he pays at the check out. Then when we get home he goes through the receipt and adds up everything that I have bought, then tells me how much it costs and I give him the money for it. I guess it is fair. Yes we do halve the cost of the things that we both use like milk. LOL. If only they made half pennies, our shopping bill would be so much easier!

We do live together.

At the end of every month he works out how many miles I have travelled in the car on multimap then uses an online calculator to work out my share of what the petrol costs would be!

I am questioning the future of the relationship as over five years and no proposal is a bit questionable (in my case anyway because he knows I want to get married).

I'm absolutely knocked for six. I can understand some people's justification for seperate finances, even if it doesn't work for me personally, but this is without a doubt the tightest, meanest, most demeaning way of treating your partner imaginable. What would happen if you had children?! Are they your responsiblity to pay for or will there be an arguement every time you take them swimming and he doesn't want to pay half because it was unnnessisary?!

Reading your post made me feel sick to my stomach, you might be used to it but listen to your dad, this isn't normal by any means. I bet if you needed a taxi to hospital for example he'd make you pay for it too!

floss2

OfficeSpace wrote: »

For us it's pretty simple. We each have a separate current account into which our salaries are paid. We then transfer a given amount into a joint account that pays for all the bills. We've split our contributions to this joint account by the % of our combined income we earn. I earn 70% of the joint income after tax etc so i pay that % of the bills.

This is how me & OH work. it works well for us, and we have separate accounts. All the bills go out of OH's account, whereas I pay for the "housekeeping" each month. He earns about 70% against my 30% of the household income. He has savings, Isa's etc, which pay for holidays, things in the house like our new kitchen, repairs to the roof etc. He is also paying for the double glazing (on a 0% card;)). I pay for my son's uni support (not his son), my own life insurance and we both pay our own car insurances, mobile bills & personal pension contributions.

Then what's left is our own. He treats me more than I treat him, but then he was brought up that way

anniecatz

We share most things and have a joint account, but we still have our own accounts as well, we generally know what the other has most of the time, we both work really hard for it and understand we need our own incomes, but without a doubt we would never let the other suffer if they were in trouble and it's pretty much 50/50 on bills, house etc. as we earn a similar amount.

alwaysonthego_2

I am a SAHM and also a full time student. I do not work but I have student loans and grants. My dh works and I look after the children, household duties and make sure the bills are paid. I have complete control of the finances and I make sure we have enough money to live on. We do not have spending money but we will discuss buying things that are expensive. DH does not have a card to our account because he is always losing them and borrowing mine. it really works for us as I am really good with money and we have just come back from our holiday in Florida, which we would not be able to afford if DH and I had our own money.

butterflylady131

Well, as I said to my now DH when we first got together, "If you're going to share your bodily fluids with me, then we'll share the money", no secrets and no lies. I handle it all and tell him everything, also show him spreadsheets and bill payments when he asks, but he doesn't that often. He's quite happy for me to sort it all!

1sttimer_2

Wow - what an interesting thread! Sorry but haven't read all the posts thoroughly but just scanned them and just wanted to join in.

When OH and I first met and decided to get married (no living together then!) we had separate accounts but did open a joint 'house' account. OH was great with money because his mum was a single parent with very little money and stressed the importance of not spending any unless it was totally necessary (ie rent food etc) Holidays were not classed as necessary. He's used this mantra all his life and was able to save enough for the deposit needed on our 1st home. I worked at a building society so I was able to get a staff mortgage and we were advised that we pay the difference of a 'normal' mortgage into this joint account. We did this and when our 1st child was born I took mat leave but returned to FT work after this (3 months min) to get the staff mortgage rate paid whilst off work. The 'difference money' helped enormously at this time. After this i was a SAHM for 8 years after having completed family, then returned to work pt then eventually ft. Over the years we've supported each other as he's been made redundant twice and his mantra of not spending more than necessary, has always stood us in good stead - it's the old 'saving for a rainy day' thats kept us afloat.

He's always been the best to look after our money and eventually, we merged my meagre savings into the joint account but he still had his own. He never used it though and eventually the interest mounted up till we got ISA's etc. and joined all our accounts together. He's always earned more than me, and now has his own business which is in his name only. I have access to this, but usually leave well alone unless he asks me to do something with it.

I trust him implicitly with our finances and I hope we never do split as I would never really know how to look after them as I've no head for numbers. I've never had to do without (very lucky) and if I need/want anything, I usually get it, if I give a good enough reason, which I have no problem with giving at all. He doesn't give me a set amount each week/month etc which I have to stick to for housekeeping and if I do spend a lot on the cc he just asks me to be more careful the next month or so and try to keep it down. He's not angry or anything, and I accept what he says because I couldn't do finances like he does, and as I say, we are quite comfortable and own our own home and are lucky enough to go away on holiday each year and both run cars.

This works for us (over 30 years) and I wouldn't think that it would do for everybody - we are all different, so why should one way of saving/spending be the same for everyone? As long as each couple works out their own finances to suit themselves, and have no problems with what they've decided upon, then whatever that couple decided is right for them. Who are we to judge others by our own standards?

carolinosourus

I haven't read all the way through this thread but agree that whatever works for one couple may not work for another! Also, a couple needs to decide between them what works for them, if they can't decide on finances are they going to be able to agree on raising children (if they want/have them), where to go on holiday or even what colour to paint the sitting room?

I just wanted to say from reading a few posts, and this is advice from my mother, if your partner is mean then forget about it. My father was incredibly mean financially even at the beginning of their relationship and when they split up, to spite her he tried to get away with giving her as little as he could. My brother and I suffered tremendously and my father didn't seem to care about that as long as he got one over on my mother. Often he would not pay her the maintenance that she required to feed and clothe us, and although we never went hungry we often went without other things. This was before the CSA or whatever it's called would step in, and then when the divorce came to be finalised he could afford to pay for good lawyers, my mother could only get a lawyer on legal aid and they basically shafted her. Despite his children suffering and him having much more money than he required, he refused to support her and us as he should have done.

So if you think there are warning signs in the beginning of a relationship, go with your gut instinct.

ambyence

Just wanted to echo everyone who has said if it works for you, it works for you, and there's no need to get yourself worked up about what everyone else thinks.
However, if you feel that you are being treated unfairly in a partnership (financially or otherwise), what is wrong with raising the issue? If it's not working, then raise it, try to solve it, if it works, yay :j, if not, assess whether or not it's time to move on. (Maybe this is why I'm single )

snapping_crocodile

We have separate current accounts into which our wages our paid into, then a joint account into which we both transfer the same amount each month to cover bills food etc, cos we both earn roughly the same amount. Anything left in our current accounts is our 'pocket money' so to speak, so i don't feel guilty about buying clothes and he doesn't feel guilty about buying gadgets!! Everyone's happy

[Deleted User]

kbleigh wrote: »

I know you are being sarcastic, but my dad finds our arrangment in terms of food hillarious, so I have to reply. We both go grocery shopping together, he pays at the check out. Then when we get home he goes through the receipt and adds up everything that I have bought, then tells me how much it costs and I give him the money for it. I guess it is fair. Yes we do halve the cost of the things that we both use like milk. LOL. If only they made half pennies, our shopping bill would be so much easier!

We do live together.

At the end of every month he works out how many miles I have travelled in the car on multimap then uses an online calculator to work out my share of what the petrol costs would be!

I am questioning the future of the relationship as over five years and no proposal is a bit questionable (in my case anyway because he knows I want to get married).

No way !!!! That is just unbelievable? And you put up with it?

Ever thought what would happen if you ever had kids? That would complicate things....