Splitting the bills 50/50, my money, your money - Please your married !!!!

zippychick

kbleigh wrote: »

Honestly I am not kidding,I wish that I was.

He has explained why he is like this, his mum and dad split up and the divorce was horrendous, because there was their house that went back in his mum's family for generations, but that his dad had spent £1000s on extending and renewing almost everything in it. Then there was a business that his dad owned, but that his mum had put revenue into. Throughout the whole divorce proceedings his mum would tell him what was happening with regards the problems with 'splitting the assests' and so my other half is now adament that everything now should be 50/50 so that there are no arguments if we ever did split up.

As I mentioned previously my dad cannot believe the way that money is handled in our relationship, when I have spoken to him about other things in the relationship my dad always goes back to the money side of things. I never thought that it was such a bad arrangement as he made out, but obviously seeing your replies on here it is.

I always tend to think " It could be worse, at least I know that he is careful with money, and is not in debt"

Sorry pet, reading my reply and realising you are serious, I realise how harsh my post may read. Sorry, I just genuinely was in so much shock!

It sounds like a busines arrangement rather than a relationship. Of course I undrstand where he is coming from, but........ it would be a deal breaker for me.
Only you know your whole relationship and if it is fufilling enough for this not to bother you. x

melancholly

pboae wrote: »

There are as many ways to manage your money as their are marriages (and any other type of long term relationship). It's interesting how other people work it, but why does it always have to turn into a pi$$ing contest about which method proves you have the 'best' marriage? :rolleyes:

i've just read this thread and the rubbish personal and judgemental comments about some people's relationships have really narked me! so much that i couldn't manage to make my point as well as this.

seriously, this thread is just set up to say 'my marriage is better than yours'. as long as both parties are happy then let people do what they want.....it is like children in a playground showing off on here!

lisa88mph

This is a really interesting thread and have spent the past hour reading it.

I completely understand and agree that there is no one way of dealing with finances in a relationship but to reiterate a point someone made earlier I think it takes both parties to agree on the right way for their relationship. If one of you thinks one way is fair and the other doesn't, that's when the problems start.

Our set up is that we each get our salaries paid into our separate accounts (we earn quite different salaries). We then have a joint account for mortgage payments, bills, shopping budget and savings as ultimately we are saving for a future together not individually. In addition to that we allocate a set amount each month to spend on socialising together as we don't want to end up in the situation like some people have mentioned that one of us can afford to go out and the other one can't. The amount we each pay into the joint is neither equal nor worked out by ratio of what we earn and we are each left with any money needed to pay our individual outgoings eg mobile phone bills and enough money each to have to spend on what we choose to whether that be make up, dvds, clothes etc in our individual accounts.

What i find interesting and am curious about, when you are in a relationship and have these seperate finances where all joint outgoings are worked out 50/50, how are people expecting to work things out if you choose to have children? Obviously the female in the relationship is the only one entitled to maternity pay (9 months) of which I expect for most women will be a massive cut in salary for that amount of time. So in the following hypothetical scenario of woman earning £1000 a month and man earning £1500 a month and have total joint outgoings of £1000 per month, what happens when the woman's monthly income goes down to £500 per month (roughly what she would earn in matenity pay @ statutory rate of £123 per week)? Does she have to give her £500 earnings to the joint with her left with nothing and him left with £1000 a month to himself? After all being a SAHM is a job in itself except you just don't earn a salary for it. It's not like she wouldn't be working as being a mum is work but would be interesting to find out thoughts on a scenario like this from people that insist on this 50/50 split even though each person earns different amounts.

Mrs_Ryan

Me and OH have a strange set-up. I know this is going to incur the wrath of some people out there but... :rotfl:
We have separate current accounts, although with the same bank. I have total access to OH's account - I know all his internet passwords, PIN numbers etc and I know exactly what goes in what goes out and when. He is totally happy with this, as Im better with all of that than he is due to his mental health problems. (And the fact I used to work in banking!) If he needs to write a cheque for whatever reason, I write it on my account and he gives me the money - he doesnt even know how to write one!

But my account is my own, closely guarded secret. I know how much he earns to the last penny - he has no idea how much I get paid (its a LOT more than he thinks!) or what I spend my money on. He most certainly doesnt know ANY of my account details and if I thought he did they would get changed sharpish - I even make him close his eyes or leave the room if he happens to be in the room while Im accessing it. But it works for us - he knows roughly where my money goes so he isnt really too concerned. He pays all the bills and food (except the phone and internet - he doesnt use it, so I think its only fair that I pay the bill) and if I happen to buy something that he considers for the house (for example, I bought a new quilt, pillows, towels, duvet covers and sheets as we needed some) he pays me back for them.
However we often pool our spare money when we have it and use it for things like nights out etc - this set up works better for us as....
a) it stops arguments about things that the other person considers 'unnecessary' like OH's rugby season ticket and my trips away;
b) my credit rating is absolutely shocking (Im on a DMP) and OH's is perfect (he has no credit other than his mortgage)
OH refuses to allow me to pay towards the bills (I just do a faster payment of £30 for the phone and internet every payday) so I dont see why we need a joint account?? I think if we did have one it would probably split us up as OH would find out the extent of my Amazon download addiction :rotfl:
My parents also have an interesting set-up. For years, dad didnt have a bank account, and mum had an all-singing, all-dancing current account with Yorkshire Bank which was strictly hers, and hers alone. She paid all the bills and held all the cards - she had full Switch as it was then with chq guarantee and a Visa card. Fast forward a few years and dad's pension and disability benefits have to be paid into an account, so now they have a joint account with Visa Debit cards.But ever since dad (who's scared stiff of new fangled gadgets bless him :rotfl:) got himself into such a pickle the machine nearly swallowed his card (and his fingers as well :rotfl:) mum has confiscated his card and now withdraws the money on her own card and gives him the cash. She runs the account though - she makes sure all the bills are paid etc, its basically a joint account run as a single account would be. It used to really annoy her a few years ago (I have seen it happen - I dont know if its cos they're older or what?) when people used to assume my dad was the one with the card - I was with them once when they were buying something and the smarmy sales guy asked my dad how he would like to pay and he said 'the wife's got the cards' and the guy looked realyl shocked when my mum handed over HER Visa card!!!

stephgifter

Wow, didn't realise there were so many ways of organising finances. My OH and I share all our money, mainly as a convenience things. Fewer bank statements, fewer credit cards, easier to keep track of everything. Works well since we are both pretty frugal and don't have to worry about each other having a spending blowout.

Advantage I could see to separate accounts is that there are no guilt issues if you want to spend money on something that your partner thinks is silly. Happens very occasionally for us, and we usually just talk it through.

flea72

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

Me and OH have a strange set-up. I know this is going to incur the wrath of some people out there but... :rotfl:
We have separate current accounts, although with the same bank. I have total access to OH's account - I know all his internet passwords, PIN numbers etc and I know exactly what goes in what goes out and when. He is totally happy with this, as Im better with all of that than he is due to his mental health problems. (And the fact I used to work in banking!) If he needs to write a cheque for whatever reason, I write it on my account and he gives me the money - he doesnt even know how to write one!

But my account is my own, closely guarded secret. I know how much he earns to the last penny - he has no idea how much I get paid (its a LOT more than he thinks!) or what I spend my money on. He most certainly doesnt know ANY of my account details and if I thought he did they would get changed sharpish - I even make him close his eyes or leave the room if he happens to be in the room while Im accessing it. But it works for us - he knows roughly where my money goes so he isnt really too concerned. He pays all the bills and food (except the phone and internet - he doesnt use it, so I think its only fair that I pay the bill) and if I happen to buy something that he considers for the house (for example, I bought a new quilt, pillows, towels, duvet covers and sheets as we needed some) he pays me back for them.
However we often pool our spare money when we have it and use it for things like nights out etc - this set up works better for us as....
a) it stops arguments about things that the other person considers 'unnecessary' like OH's rugby season ticket and my trips away;
b) my credit rating is absolutely shocking (Im on a DMP) and OH's is perfect (he has no credit other than his mortgage)
OH refuses to allow me to pay towards the bills (I just do a faster payment of £30 for the phone and internet every payday) so I dont see why we need a joint account?? I think if we did have one it would probably split us up as OH would find out the extent of my Amazon download addiction :rotfl:
My parents also have an interesting set-up. For years, dad didnt have a bank account, and mum had an all-singing, all-dancing current account with Yorkshire Bank which was strictly hers, and hers alone. She paid all the bills and held all the cards - she had full Switch as it was then with chq guarantee and a Visa card. Fast forward a few years and dad's pension and disability benefits have to be paid into an account, so now they have a joint account with Visa Debit cards.But ever since dad (who's scared stiff of new fangled gadgets bless him :rotfl:) got himself into such a pickle the machine nearly swallowed his card (and his fingers as well :rotfl:) mum has confiscated his card and now withdraws the money on her own card and gives him the cash. She runs the account though - she makes sure all the bills are paid etc, its basically a joint account run as a single account would be. It used to really annoy her a few years ago (I have seen it happen - I dont know if its cos they're older or what?) when people used to assume my dad was the one with the card - I was with them once when they were buying something and the smarmy sales guy asked my dad how he would like to pay and he said 'the wife's got the cards' and the guy looked realyl shocked when my mum handed over HER Visa card!!!

well we certainly know who wears the trousers in this relationship

but what happens if OH finds out about your devious ways, or is the plan to lie to them for the rest of your life. Good solid grounds for a lasting relationship, not

Flea

Katie-Kat-Kins

kbleigh wrote: »

I know you are being sarcastic, but my dad finds our arrangment in terms of food hillarious, so I have to reply. We both go grocery shopping together, he pays at the check out. Then when we get home he goes through the receipt and adds up everything that I have bought, then tells me how much it costs and I give him the money for it. I guess it is fair. Yes we do halve the cost of the things that we both use like milk. LOL. If only they made half pennies, our shopping bill would be so much easier!

We do live together.

At the end of every month he works out how many miles I have travelled in the car on multimap then uses an online calculator to work out my share of what the petrol costs would be!

I am questioning the future of the relationship as over five years and no proposal is a bit questionable (in my case anyway because he knows I want to get married).

It isn't the fact that you are halving things that would worry me it is the precision with which your OH is doing it and the quibbling over pennies that displays a complete lack of generosity towards the other.

When DH and I first got together we used to halve stuff, but it was never this precise or immediate.

If we did some shopping for a meal cooked at his for us both to eat we'd make a note of how much it was and who paid it and the other would get the next shop or after a few shops we'd work out how much each one had paid and if it was uneven one would give the other some cash.

If we went on a long journey, say a weekend away and we used his car (at the time I had a two seater sports car so limited luggage space) we'd sort of say "well the whole weekend used about a tank of petrol a full tank is about £40 so I'll give you £20 towards it". We'd take turns to pay for drinks and stuff.

We would never have quibbled or begrudged the other a fiver, never mind being exact to the nearest penny! Back then we earned similar amounts too, after our incomes changed and i was earning more I would at least try to take my turn a little more frequently or treat him occasionally. Now we are more joint it isn't such an issue.

I can see you OH wanting to be clear about things such as house buying but quibbling over the shopping, especially when he earns so much more than you is just mean spirited. Would he ask his mate for money if he ran him home after the football? If not why does he think it is okay to do this to you???

I couldn't live with someone so selfish and I think your dad sees the same and is worried about you. Have a serious chat with your OH if he really doesn't see the problem then ask yourself whether his attitude to money is indicative of his feelings for you and whether you want to be in this sort of relationship.

springclean

I haven't read all the posts (hornets' nest!), but couldn't go away from OP's thread without commenting.

I was married for 11 years, after 4 year relationship, had 2 kids by him, marriage/moving in/kids all done in 'correct' order, set up our own business, which i helped manage, doing all the admin/enquiries etc, whilst raising the kids, and him (!). All money coming in (inc gifts/inheritance from my family), went into one joint pot that i had control over, and budgeted well. He took out what he wanted, when he wanted it, and i often went without to keep our finances in the black.

Then we split up because of his controlling jealous nature, and he begrudged me anything. said i didn't deserve anything as i hadn't been out and worked for it. i had to fight for a fair settlement, and it was damn hard to go it alone. I had two kids under 10, and hadn't 'worked' (!!!) for 10 years as i had been having the children, and then working for our business for just under the NI limits - and btw, my £59 a week wages were considered my housekeeping. I'm now 10 years short in my NI contributions towards my state pension.

Some time later I went into another relationship that lasted 9 years, and when we eventually co-habited ran a joint pot that we contributed equal amounts to, and then had our own money that we earned separately. i would sometimes treat my ex, and he would treat me. it made us more equal in the relationship, and when we separated we did so on good terms, and not because of money. we also divvied up our assets in a 5 minute conversation that was fair to both of us.

I will NEVER give over my financial independance to anyone ever again. We all talk about teaching children the direct correlation of working and earning money, and the satisfaction gained from that, but then marry and give that up. i won't hold my hand out for money from anyone. i will work and contribute, and if i want to buy something, for me, my kids, my partner, then i can, and the consequences are mine. I'm no raging feminist though, and my new partner often treats me to a dinner out, and i'm girly enough to feel special, be thankful, and accept it for what it is.

I'm not saying one way is right and another is wrong, and i hope those who are all for 'being married means marrying everything' never split up from their husbands or wives - because i can tell you, you will not recognise the man or woman you thought you knew...

Phew, thanks for the therapy folks! :rotfl:

Lilith1980

iamana1ias wrote: »

Horses for courses. No way I'd ever have a joint account with a partner, married or not. And bills would be spilt proportionately, so if I earned twice as much I'd split it 66/34 or whatever.

There's no right way of doing it as every couple is different. Good for you if it works, but there's no need to be sanctimonious about it.

I agree. DH and I have separate accounts, manily because he is terrible with budgeting and to be honest, I like having my own account so I can see how much I have at the end of the month to spend on myself.

Everyone is different.

Mrs_Ryan

I dont tell my OH for the sake of harmony - he is the old-fashioned type who thinks its wrong for women to earn more than men :rolleyes: if he knew I earned more than him it would quite possibly start relationship WW3! He knows how much my BASIC wage is (13300) but not how much my enhancements total. I earned just over half what he earned last tax year as I started my job halfway through the tax year. However this year I fully expect it to reflect that fact I actually earn more than him.
He is quite happy for me to operate my account this way - he says its my money and its none of his business (his words exactly!) what I do with it. Ditto his money - I've made noises about him forking out nearly £500 for his season ticket while claiming he skint :rolleyes:
But its his money.... the only reason I have so much access to his account is that if I didnt he couldnt manage it himself.