son moved out , now coming back !!!

The_Banker_5

Kids dont grow up these days until theyre about 30 ish so youve got about another 10 years of his coming and goings.;)

MrsTinks

I left home at 17 (well I say I left... my family moved out of the country - bit extreem to get rid of me I always thought :rotfl:) and I've been pretty independant since. My BF at the time had moved back home at the request of his parents when his brother passed away and it wasn't till nearly 10 years later he finally moved out again... (we did buy a house but the first thing he did was gut it so we couldn't move into it... He finally moved in several months after he got married, 2 weeks before his first child arrived... 8 years after we bought the house... if not more...)
Yes let him back home, he's your son after all
But he gets his own bed, he doesn't get his own room again but shares and he pays rent - even if he ends up not staying at home most of the week. He's 20 - not 12

miserly_mum

Doelani hows it going with your son, did you eventually let him move back?

pollypenny

He is only 20! Any place he could afford on his own would probably be on the grim side, surely? It seems to be quite normal to bounce back and fro from parents' home. My two did for years it seems. Now we are rattling around in a big house and I miss them.

Don't let him feel pushed out by the step-kids either.

Savvy_Sue

pollypenny wrote: »

He is only 20! Any place he could afford on his own would probably be on the grim side, surely?

'Only 20' is, IMO, quite old enough to show a little consideration for those one is living with! Which this lad doesn't seem to have fully grasped yet.

sharkie

Charge him more rent than the going rate, perhaps a percentage of his salary as it may ecourage him to move out quicker.

You could always put the money in an isa for his future use - without telling him.

pollypenny

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

'Only 20' is, IMO, quite old enough to show a little consideration for those one is living with! Which this lad doesn't seem to have fully grasped yet.

Indeed, but if you read the second part of my point; any place he could afford is likely to be grim.

Isn't he allowed to make a mistake? Isn't there a story in the Bible about similar? Oh, yes, the prodigal son.

Savvy_Sue

pollypenny wrote: »

Indeed, but if you read the second part of my point; any place he could afford is likely to be grim.

Isn't he allowed to make a mistake? Isn't there a story in the Bible about similar? Oh, yes, the prodigal son.

But from the OP's earlier posts, it seems this lad has been in and out like a jack in the box. He KNOWS what the alternatives are. He's tried them. He comes back, he leaves again, he comes back, he says he's leaving again, he's asked if he really means it this time and he says yes, then he's back again.

I suspect the girlfriend doesn't like his dirty habits any more than his mum does! They've had a row, so he's decided he'll move back home. See the OP's original post ...

doelani wrote: »

My 20 yo son moved out offically about 4 weeks ago, he has not acually stayed here for probally 2 months or more. he has been living with his girlfriend.

yesterday after another " now are you sure you will not be coming back "conversation we finsihed clearing his room , made he take the last of his clothes to his girlfriends and took his bed to the dump. We moved beds around, who shares at the minute inot his room , got orginised so none of teh stepkids have to share rooms and now tonight he rings to say " I am moving back !!!"

Will not go into the reasons but I am so mad :mad: Now have to go out tomorrow and buy another bed, money I do not have and will have to come out of my emergency fund. Also have to reorginsied bedrooms again. I have told him he cannot keep coming and going and do not wnat to go throught his again in a few weeks.

I think he should get a place of his own, he can afford it as he works and hec an get a place a few minutes form me so that if he needs anythign he can come here.

House has been so clean, my electricty usage has gone down, he works a really dirty job and had my hall and stairs filthy with dirty work clothes , even though he was supposed to take dirty coat at boots off at door he never did and we have just ahd it redecorated last week.

am I too harsh expecting him to get his own place?

cheepskate_2

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

But from the OP's earlier posts, it seems this lad has been in and out like a jack in the box. He KNOWS what the alternatives are. He's tried them. He comes back, he leaves again, he comes back, he says he's leaving again, he's asked if he really means it this time and he says yes, then he's back again.

I suspect the girlfriend doesn't like his dirty habits any more than his mum does! They've had a row, so he's decided he'll move back home. See the OP's original post ...

As parents are we not there to support our children, or does that support end at 16

Why do we have in this culture that we try to boot our kids out the minuite they turn 16 and are able to fend for themselves.

There's more to worry about in this world than a bit of dirt on carpets and how to juggle rooms around, be thankfull

Savvy_Sue

The OP hasn't ended her support. Nor have I, if it matters. However, IF one of mine was moving in and out like a jack in the box without showing any consideration to the rest of the family, and IF that one was in a position to rent somewhere, grim or not, I would not consider it unreasonable to expect them to do so.

Support doesn't HAVE to include giving them a roof over their heads post 16. And this lad has shown that he can live elsewhere.

Funnily enough, DS1 keeps saying "You could throw me out tomorrow" (subtext "and I'd be OK"), because we may be facing a downsize situation. But I know that as long as he's here he expects to pay his way and pull his weight. As a result, I'm glad to have him here.