son moved out , now coming back !!!

doelani

helloooooooooooo


Just an update, he moved back for one day then out again , keeps dropping in for dinner ( usually get a call when I have it on to say he is coming ) or sometimes to raid the fridge as I live close to his work lol

We will see what happens, he seems to be managing ok with his g/f and in 3 weeks is going on holiday with us ( been arranged for a year)

thanks again for all your replies

barnaby-bear

doelani wrote: »

keeps dropping in for dinner ( usually get a call when I have it on to say he is coming ) or sometimes to raid the fridge as I live close to his work lol

.... and the reply "oh it'll be lovely to have you for dinner - could you pick me up a pint of milk and a bag of rice on your way"..... then don't give him money for them - it'll help him learn there's no such thing as a free lunch!

BitterAndTwisted

doelani wrote: »

Just an update, he moved back for one day then out again

Crickey, he does has itchy feet! I'd be keeping a camp-bed under the stairs ready for the next time and the time after that.

Savvy_Sue

doelani wrote: »

Just an update, he moved back for one day then out again , keeps dropping in for dinner ( usually get a call when I have it on to say he is coming ) or sometimes to raid the fridge as I live close to his work lol

Now seriously, do you not think he is taking the p, just a teensy little bit? What does his g/f think of his behaviour? As a g/f I wouldn't stand for it, never mind as a mum ... and as a mum I'd be ganging up on him with his g/f if I possibly could! :rotfl:

barnaby-bear wrote: »

.... and the reply "oh it'll be lovely to have you for dinner - could you pick me up a pint of milk and a bag of rice on your way"..... then don't give him money for them - it'll help him learn there's no such thing as a free lunch!

:rotfl: I like that idea!

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Crickey, he does has itchy feet! I'd be keeping a camp-bed under the stairs ready for the next time and the time after that.

And that one! :rotfl:

I'd change the locks too, and not give him a key. But then we've already established I'm a cruel heartless woman who doesn't think children should be supported post 16. Wish my supermarket bill tonight agreed with that assessment! :rotfl:

BitterAndTwisted

That girlfriend of his must be long-suffering, a fool or both. I have the feeling that if this young man didn't think he had an instant bail-out plan every time he and his girl had a minor tiff they might spend a bit more time and effort sorting out their differences.

Imagine having a boyfriend who ran back to Mummy every time you looked at him funny. I'd have kicked him to the curb and sent back to the apron strings after the first time he did it

miserly_mum

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

That girlfriend of his must be long-suffering, a fool or both. I have the feeling that if this young man didn't think he had an instant bail-out plan every time he and his girl had a minor tiff they might spend a bit more time and effort sorting out their differences.

Imagine having a boyfriend who ran back to Mummy every time you looked at him funny. I'd have kicked him to the curb and sent back to the apron strings after the first time he did it

I know from bitter experience what it's like to have a partner like that.

My ex hubby was 25 when we got married and his Mother told him (in front of me) that if he wasn't happy then there was always a bed for him at her house.

She never liked me and I know that it was said partly as a dig at me. However it set the tone for the rest of our married life. We were together for 12 years and had 5 children.

In that time he used to walk out over the least little thing, it didn't even have to be a major row. The least little disagreement could result in him packing a bag and running home to Mammy for days at a time.

He never learned to talk over our differences or try to work through problems. He just ran away from them. He wouldn't have been able to do this so easily if he hadn't had his Mums to run to every time things got difficult.

Maybe she thought she was doing the right thing at the time for her son, but in doing so enabled him to never grow up and take control of his life and family responsibilities.

He is now 46 and was still doing this with his new partner right up until his Mum died a few years ago.

shirlgirl2004

All my children will always have a home with me. I wouldn't allow them to do the "pop back for one night if they've had a row" thing though. My eldest aged 23 is moving out in a couple of weeks. Partially because we're moving 10 miles up the road and he doesn't want to come and also becuase soon he's being transfferred by work to a location about 15 miles in the other direction. He doesn't drive so has to move because he couldn't afford the public transport and he works shifts so it wouldn't tie in. Unfortunately he's a trainee manager so gets appaling pay and is useless with money. I don't have a clue how he'll survive but I guess I'll just have to be there to help him pick up the pieces.

Zazen999

I can appreciate the whole dramatic 'He'll always have a place at home with mummy' cry; but mummies - you are seriously undermining your son's prospects of building a proper relationship and encouraging him to continue to behave like a baby.

He either lives at home or doesn't. Once he is living with a girlfriend; you have to let him go.

bestpud

Perhaps this is one of the reasons we have so many broken homes these days?

We have a throw away culture anyway, but these adults are not being prepared for the real world at all, are they?

Plenty want the rights, but few want the responsibility that goes with it, and that is down to parenting imo.

My children will always have a place here but I would not keep moving the house around because they've spat their dummy out over a tiff!

If other children are sharing a room, then he needs to be aware he can come back to live, BUT he should not expect to have his old room back. He made the decisions and now he needs to accept responsibility for that.