son moved out , now coming back !!!

Marcheline

Hi, not read everyon'es responses but I would certainly have my son back at home with me, but I would expect rent. I would also expect him to pay for the bed (if he's got no money at the mo then he ought to either save up himself, or pay you back when he can) I would also get him to rearrange the furniture in his room, with you helping him. Don't do everything for him.

oystercatcher

I'd have him back but make him buy the bed or even a blow up mattress if that's all he can afford to start with. He has to understand that he can't keep messing you about like this. However the unexpected can and does happen and I'd like to think my home was always a refuge for my boys if they needed it.
Once he's back you can discuss him helping with expenses and plans for the future and maybe his own place. If he's had a taste of freedom and his own place I doubt he'll want to stay for long.

Savvy_Sue

doelani wrote: »

House has been so clean, my electricty usage has gone down, he works a really dirty job and had my hall and stairs filthy with dirty work clothes , even though he was supposed to take dirty coat at boots off at door he never did and we have just ahd it redecorated last week.

Well, if he can't learn to do that, YOU can move his clothes and boots OUTSIDE the front door!

Maybe that's why he's coming back home ... someone else doesn't like his sloppy habits!

When / if DS1 leaves for good (he's unexpectedly home after finishing Uni), once the bedroom's been emptied he knows it won't be kept 'for him'. He will ALWAYS be welcome, but we will probably turn his room into a study for his dad.

Same with you: he said he was leaving, he went, you've rearranged the furniture.

Snakeeyes21

Tell him to !!!!!! of the mooching little git. He probably had a little argument with the mrs.
or she found out hes too much of a mummys boy and told him to sling his hook.
do you plan on taking him in whenever he comes back with his tail between his legs?
id make him sleep in the garden in a tent. He will soon realise life is better with the mrs (even if he does get a constant ear ache from all the moaning) damn i hate the moaning, it wears you down :rotfl::p:rotfl:

ailuro2

I agree - get a camp bed and he can sleep in that, and this time round he has to stick tot he rules or pay for any damage.

He said he wasn't coming back, so now at the grand old age of 20 he may realise there are consequences for every action.:rolleyes:

cheepskate_2

A house is only bricks and mortar, its the famil;y that makes it a home.

I couldn't ever imagine my son not having somewhere where he feels no matter what problems he is experiencing he can always go to with no judgement passed.

Got to agree with Blackpool_saver, life is too short.

Our son had just come home safe and well from Afghanistan. I think life has to be put into prespective and muddling round the bedrooms again or a little bit of muck on the floor is just a little thing, but there are ways round this.

Be glad that it's you' that he turns to when in need, There are so many children that just don't have any sort of relationship with their parents and have no one to turn to.

Meadows

My daughter has moved out and back twice, and has been here for the last three years. I don't have a problem her coming back if she needs to this is her home and she is always welcome.

Yes it's nice to have the place to your self and it would be nice for them to have their own place, but I would rather have our daughter live with us than struggle to be able to afford a place of her own.

What I would say to you son is that he has to replace the bed you have just got rid of, he should pay you a fair amount of board and he has to keep the place clean & tidy, he is moving in as an adult and should respect your rules.

doelani

thanks for replies

he stayed here last night but is not sure if he is staying or going back to his girlfriends or getting his own place.

He told me he does not like the new rules in places,
keep his roomt he way I had it ,
no coming in at 1am then going out again disturbing everyone.
dirty work coat/shoes off at door and carried to his room.

We got a blow up mattress this morning for him to sleep on and have moved teh otehr bed back out of his room, if he decides to stay permenatly he will have to buy his own bed.

Dinah93

Tell him he sticks to the new rules or he needs to go elsewhere, but he can't move back permenantly until he agrees to stick to the house rules. He can't just come running home because he's had a tiff with the gf, he needs to sort it out one way or another and not disturb you and the other children. They actually deserve some stability too and it is quite heartless of him not to think of them, I bet they were so excited to get some space of their own. He also needs to contribute to the house if he is working and obviously your bills and food is higher, I pay my parents £240 a month, as does my OH who lives there too, which means they are not out of pocket for helping us out.

stationaryace

doelani wrote: »

thanks for replies

he stayed here last night but is not sure if he is staying or going back to his girlfriends or getting his own place.

He told me he does not like the new rules in places,
keep his roomt he way I had it ,
no coming in at 1am then going out again disturbing everyone.
dirty work coat/shoes off at door and carried to his room.

We got a blow up mattress this morning for him to sleep on and have moved teh otehr bed back out of his room, if he decides to stay permenatly he will have to buy his own bed.

i wouldn't like the first rule either, it's a particular bugbear of mine, but i can understand why you might need it. other two rules seem more than reasonable and if he doesn't like it then he can move into his own place where he is free to make him own rules.

there's a distinct difference between having a family home to come back to when needed and walking all over mum n dad whenever takes your fancy.