Sexual Intimidation In the Workplace - how to deal with it?

jenhug

something similar happened to me, I said very loudly "get your hands off me" and I was lucky I was backed up by colleagues, but a threat of broken fingers finally did the trick, He knew I was seething and I would have merrily done it.

tiamai_d

Get a notebook and a pen and note down EVERYTHING he says, when he says it (time and date) and a brief description of what was going on at the time and any witnesses.

She must say to him 'Stop', and then go to the head boss. If that won't work (all details of these interactions should be recorded too) then she can go to a solicitor.

I was a witness for a woman when I was 17 in a sexual harassment in the workplace, it's not nice, for the victims or for those who witness it.

jenhug

she could also join a union, they will provide support for her.
Consider sending her on a self defense course designed for women, they are designed to help women with self confidence to stop things before they become physical

Maz

Wow, thanks for all your replies - massive help!

The reality is that she is a proficient kickboxer and could quite easily take the bu99er out! I'd love to see the expression on his face!

Hopefully, she's going to speak to her boss today and see what response she gets.

mummy_Jay

I've worked in an all male enviroment most of my working life and you do get these numbskulls from time to time. Personnelly I do little things like start refering to them as grandad or such like and make fun of them when it come to comment that are unacceptable, I can give as good as I get. this may not be the best way of dealing with it but soon shuts them up. I also would admit I never wear a skirt to work and I always make sure I cover up at work, so they forget I'm a girl and take me seriously.

As for the grabbing the comment is (VERY LOUDLY) "get your hands off me , thats assault if you ever lay hand on me again I'm quite happy to discuss this down the local police station with an officer".

What ever she does, when he does something she has to react in such away as to alert the rest of the office.

If it has gone beyond what she feels like she can deal with herself she needs to be forceful with her boss and insist she speaks with him about it.

pinkshoes

I had an issue with a sleazy guy at work making constant inappropriate comments and being overly touchy-feely. He then split up with his long term g/f and got even worse, suggesting I should date him and dump my OH (as if!). I told him I would never date him as he wasn't my type, which he then took great offense to and started sending vulgar comments in emails.

I replied to one of his vulgar emails, politely asking him to keep his inappropriate comments and hands to himself, and cc'd his boss onto the email. Needless to say he hasn't bothered me since!

I think some men are just clueless knowing what's acceptable and what isn't.

MrsTinks

I'm more along the lines of mummy_Jay on this one...

I work in a male environment too and have for years. Yeah I've suffered my share of slapped backsides and comments about my chest (Pamela Anderson - HA! mine are natural thanks and look better!) but she needs to try and resolve it herself before doing anything else. Yes ok so it's sexual harrassment but sadly sometimes it's better for her long term career to handle things directly instead of going through procedures.
I'm a very strongwilled person and my usual responce has been one of "I'd appreciate it if you didn't treat me as a lapdancer - but if you insist then I'll be expecting a pay appropriate... That's £50 an hour... and a broken arm if you touch..."
I too have taken to "covering up" that I'm a girl - I only use it to my advantage when it suits me. So suits, shirts, hair up in a tight bun... if I want to be taken seriously in a meeting that is... if I want something done and quick then it's a semi short skirt, hair down, face done and a low cut top and my biggest smile... Things that have procrastinated for years suddenly get done...

Not saying what the guy is doing is right, but sometimes it's in our own interest to handle things without being seen as a squealer because that can be the biggest career killer ever!

itzmee

pinkshoes wrote: »

I think some men are just clueless knowing what's acceptable and what isn't.

I had a similar experience where I worked in an all-male dept and one (married, balding and ugly sleazy) man in particular thought it was funny to be sexually annoying. One day he was discussing with the other blokes whether I was wearing stockings and suspenders or tights. I laughed it off but it did upset me. He also bothered other women in the company but they ignored him. I went home and told my partner and he told me to report it to my boss otherwise he would sort the guy out himself!! My boss took it very seriously and needless to say once it had been reported the guy apologised and said he didn't realise he had offended me and was just having a bit of fun. He also stopped harassing the other women in the company as he realised he wasn't actually god's gift.

brokeinwales

The point I am trying to make (and this is by no means a defence of this chap) is that sometimes some men do not understand the difference between office banter and an insult.

This is very true. I remember a man I used to work with who used to (as he saw it) "flirt" with all the women - and some of them found it funny and flattering, which encouraged him. Some of us however (mostly the younger ones I think) felt that the explicit sexual nature of some of his comments were a bit inappropriate and made people uncomfortable - often not just the people they were directed at.
However - when one of the girls said to him - politely and in a friendly way - that it made her feel uncomfortable and could he please stop, he was astonioshed and quite upset. He had no idea that what he perceived as friendly banter could upset someone so much. The habit stopped immediately.

Truth is, some men are just a bit hamfisted about their attempts at flirting, all they need is a bit of a tip-off.

Knub

Maz wrote: »

OK, scenario. Where my daughter works there is a guy who thinks it's perfectly OK to slap her !!!!

I assume on her bum or thigh or something similar??? Anything beyond that quote is secondary to what hes done.

This is known as unwanted close contact and I believe a form of sexual assault. I'm not sure on the legalities but either way it breeches her personal space quite a bit and is illegal.

Tell her to stand up to him PERSONALLY, if he says something she doesn't like, come out with something along the lines of:

"I do not think that is an appropriate comment to someone in the workplace and is highly unprofessional, please do not speak to me like that again".

If he touches her, come out with:

"Excuse me! I don't know who you think you are but slapping my *insert body part here* is EXTREMELY inappropriate, qualifies as sexual harrassment and is illegal, DO NOT do it again".

That should get him the message that she isn't just going to take it. If she gets any grief after those messages, such as "I'm only messing, calm down, on your period? etc" then she needs to say she is going straight to THE BOSS to discuss this further.

Then she needs to go speak to the main boss. Regardless if this woman thinks the sun shines out of his butt, she STILL needs to take action as it is a highly serious situation and if she doesn't is also puts her and her business at risk.

The main points being here she needs to be firm with him otherwise he will continue to do it. With people like this causing a huge scene infront of people is enough to make him look as big as a mouse and will hopefully shut him up permanently.

Good luck!


P.S - It really sickens me the story and if the above doesn't work. Give me your address and I'll gladly come and sort the ***er out with you myself. Disgusting behaviour.