Sexual Intimidation In the Workplace - how to deal with it?

Maz

OK, scenario. Where my daughter works there is a guy who thinks it's perfectly OK to slap her !!!! or compare her to Pamela Anderson (!) and make various other sexually insulting comments. He constantly makes comments about her social life and the men she is seeing (or not as the case may be), he is mostly offensive and his dialogue with her has a massively sexual bias.
Her female boss sees him as the guru of all things IT related and won't hear a thing against him. The female boss is the ultimate boss, it's a small private company so there's no structured complaint procedure to go through.

Personally, I'd like to knock his nuts out, saute them in garlic and make him eat them but my daughter is a very non confrontational lass. He's a vile, middle aged loser but making her life hell.

Any comments or suggestions very welcome before I get physical with this guy.

dieselhead

Can't offer any advice, but can sympathise as this seems to be a common issues and I will be reading the other posts with interest!

I have to say though I think that in some cases some men just have no idea what they are saying is offensive or wrong. My brother was recounting with glee (22 year old graduate) a story of how his boss had been making fun of another young graduate and insinuating things about her and her clothes. I was appalled, and I think my brother was more than a little taken back that I considered this 'harmless' joke to be sexual harassment, offenisve and upsetting for the girl concerned (I know I would have been annoyed if the comments had been made about me anyway).

The point I am trying to make (and this is by no means a defence of this chap) is that sometimes some men do not understand the difference between office banter and an insult.

McKneff

he is doing it becasue she is allowing him to get away with it.
All she needs to say is Firmly and Calmly 'please do not do that, I do not like it'
If he doesnt stop she must report it to the boss who has a duty of care towards employees.
She must realise it could end up as a sexual harrassment case and not good for business

SkipE

hhhmmm not knowing exactly what these people are like its hard to know what to do.

The sensible thing is to tell him she doesnt like it be calm not rise to it or get upset. He may be doing it to get a reaction out of her? More likely hes showing off. If her boss wont do anything then maybe your daughter should play him at his own game. Hes trying to humilate her so she may as well do it to him. Make fun of him having a little man bits or something. Pick on something about him and do the same.

I had problems at my work with being pushed out cause I was the only girl. I turned up to a meeting with two plums and a banana stragetically placed in my lap. I told the men now I was like them I expected to be treated like one of them. I was threatened with a disclipinary(for being childish and disrepecting my boss) but it worked and Im now accepted.

Sometimes you just got to stand up for yourself and show them you wont be treated in such a way. I hope your daughter is ok, these things can wear you down. Good luck to her. X

UKTigerlily

I can sympathise, a neighbour of mine who lives in the same block of flats, three doors down from me used to work for the same company (We both no longer work there) & he made several very offensive & upsetting comments. His Manager *hated* me & I felt I couldn't complain to her, added to that he'd've had to be suspended while they investigated & with him living here too I didn't want that, then my word against his etc

Could she put a complaint in in writing to his Manager? Is there a Union she could speak to a representative of? Could she put it in writing to the guy (If she feels she can't say it) & explain she feels uncomfortable & it has to stop now or she'll escalate to reporting him formally? She should maybe make a diary/notes of what's said & done when in case she does decide to make a formal complaint.

Although his boss thinks highly of the guy, she may & should treat any complaint professionally, could she write to the boss, stating what's happened & say she doesn't want to make a formal complaint, but that it needs to stop & say she hopes she can now assume the matter will be dealt with by an informal word in the guys ear?

There's ACAS that deal with employment issues but i'm not sure if they can help or advise, might be worth checking it out though? I really feel for her it's a horrible situation to be in. I used to feel ill as the guy/neighbour/ex colleague here is in his late 50's I think & looks at least 60

The_Banker_5

A solicitors letter would do the trick.

Maz

The_Banker wrote: »

A solicitors letter would do the trick.

Can you expand on this?

The_Banker_5

Maz wrote: »

Can you expand on this?

Go and see a solicitor and explain everything you have said on here and get it nipped in the bud.

Errata

He's a creep, and best totally ignored when he makes an appropriate comment. Her shock and anguish is reinforcing his behaviour.
How about a sharp stilletto heel on his instep, with a bit of luck she could fracture a couple of his metatarsals at the same time. It worked very effectively in the good old days - sharp cry of pain followed by profuse apologies about stumbling and losing balance.

newcook

The_Banker wrote: »

Go and see a solicitor and explain everything you have said on here and get it nipped in the bud.

see the boss first though - even if she does think the sun shines from his @ss - and tell her to take someone else in with her. make sure everything is recorded and done through the proper channels.
this way the boss lady cant say 'you should have seen me first etc' and if he does continue to harrass her she can then go to a solicitor with the proof and a witness and get it sorted.

also good for if she was to get fired for being a troublemaker (not that she is but they could twist it) she could prove it was for sexual harrassment and have the docs to back her up

belfastgirl23

Personally I would fight back directly. Next time he makes one of his remarks I'd just wiggle my little finger and say something like 'well you would say that tiny tim'. And make it clear that only loser men speak to women like that. Not ideal but sometimes bullies need to be stood up to.