Sexual Intimidation In the Workplace - how to deal with it?

Dilfred

tiamai_d wrote: »

Get a notebook and a pen and note down EVERYTHING he says, when he says it (time and date) and a brief description of what was going on at the time and any witnesses.

She must say to him 'Stop', and then go to the head boss. If that won't work (all details of these interactions should be recorded too) then she can go to a solicitor.

I was a witness for a woman when I was 17 in a sexual harassment in the workplace, it's not nice, for the victims or for those who witness it.

Totally 2nd this one. Write everything down and state STOP/no whenever something happens, then report.
Her employer has a duty of care to respond to this when she reports it. Currently she's dicing with death with her existing response.

xmaslolly76

I had this at an old work place many moons ago unfortunately the guy was the main boss so i had no one to complain too. Luckily for me his wife was his secratary so one day when i was in the kitchen and he cornered me put his hands on my hips and said " is it just me or is it hot in here" i called his wife over and said " you should get our husband home he seems to be running a temperature a cold shower would do him the world of good" Sufficed to say he never came near me again i think his wife may have had to deal with it before he was a complete slime ball poor woman but then more fool her for putting up with it!!!

McKneff

Lets get down to the nitty gritty,
if he touches her anywhere innapropriately this is INDECENT ASSUALT which could carry at the very least a an appearance in court, a fine, a spell in jail,
his name in the paper and a criminal record. For both their sakes it needs nipping in the bud now.

beaniebabe

She needs to speak to her boss and ask her what she intends doing about it and her boss needs to record her complaint and give her a timescale when she will get back to her.
I would inform the boss that should she not take the matter seriously then she would be seeking legal advice as this is sexual harrassment.
She also needs to keep her own record of any comments the man makes to her.
Although its difficult she must try not to respond inapropriatly.
Contacting CAB for advice or a union representative may also be helpful. Good luck and let us know how you get on!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

A calm, measured word or two of advice from you to the female boss, stating that if she is unprepared to address the issue of a sexual predator in the office (without penalising your DD), you will not hesitate to contact the Police and then the local press to inform them of the situation, may have the desired effect without getting yourself into legal shtuck.

The thing is, the boss could be involved with this guy on the quiet and is protecting him.

And then, if she refuses to take action, a personal message from you to him (no witnesses) stating that he will be in need of reconstructive medical treatment if he so much as breathes in a threatening way near your daughter is the only other option. If he were to corner your daughter because the boss has ordered her to work with the guy, the consequences are terrifying, so I think you have to do something, stopping short of actual damage to him.

Kids are taught these days to be weak, unassertive and compliant in schools. No fighting is allowed, not liking someone is forbidden, and it doesn't help anyone once they are out in the big wide world and faced with real predators.

pinksleepybear

MrsTine wrote: »

I too have taken to "covering up" that I'm a girl - I only use it to my advantage when it suits me. So suits, shirts, hair up in a tight bun... if I want to be taken seriously in a meeting that is... if I want something done and quick then it's a semi short skirt, hair down, face done and a low cut top and my biggest smile... Things that have procrastinated for years suddenly get done...

I find this really depressing, MrsTine. You dress like a professional to be treated seriously, or dress like a tart to get favours.

I'm sure you find it useful, but do you think you're respected for this behaviour? (Genuine question, not aggressive).

pinksleepybear

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

A calm, measured word or two of advice from you to the female boss, stating that if she is unprepared to address the issue of a sexual predator in the office (without penalising your DD), you will not hesitate to contact the Police and then the local press to inform them of the situation, may have the desired effect without getting yourself into legal shtuck.

And then, if she refuses to take action, a personal message from you to him (no witnesses) stating that he will be in need of reconstructive medical treatment if he so much as breathes in a threatening way near your daughter is the only other option. If he were to corner your daughter because the boss has ordered her to work with the guy, the consequences are terrifying, so I think you have to do something, stopping short of actual damage to him.

Noooo! Her daughter is an adult - she needs to sort it out herself or she will never be respected or have self-respect. Her mum can give advice/provide a shoulder to cry on, but must not directly intervene.

pinksleepybear

beaniebabe wrote: »

She needs to speak to her boss and ask her what she intends doing about it and her boss needs to record her complaint and give her a timescale when she will get back to her.
I would inform the boss that should she not take the matter seriously then she would be seeking legal advice as this is sexual harrassment.
She also needs to keep her own record of any comments the man makes to her.
Although its difficult she must try not to respond inapropriatly.
Contacting CAB for advice or a union representative may also be helpful. Good luck and let us know how you get on!

Fully agree with beaniebabe - no threats of violence, no intervening family members, no demeaning comments back at him.

Chakani

Knub wrote: »

Tell her to stand up to him PERSONALLY, if he says something she doesn't like, come out with something along the lines of:

"I do not think that is an appropriate comment to someone in the workplace and is highly unprofessional, please do not speak to me like that again".

If he touches her, come out with:

"Excuse me! I don't know who you think you are but slapping my *insert body part here* is EXTREMELY inappropriate, qualifies as sexual harrassment and is illegal, DO NOT do it again".

That should get him the message that she isn't just going to take it. If she gets any grief after those messages, such as "I'm only messing, calm down, on your period? etc" then she needs to say she is going straight to THE BOSS to discuss this further.

Then she needs to go speak to the main boss. Regardless if this woman thinks the sun shines out of his butt, she STILL needs to take action as it is a highly serious situation and if she doesn't is also puts her and her business at risk.

The main points being here she needs to be firm with him otherwise he will continue to do it. With people like this causing a huge scene infront of people is enough to make him look as big as a mouse and will hopefully shut him up permanently.

This is almost to the letter how I dealt with a very similar situation - a middle aged, loud obnoxious man who thought that very personal comments, contact and innuendo were perfectly acceptable. In my case, this was enough, and he never acted unprofessionally to me again, although he continued to do so to other women who did not challenge his behaviour.

Dilfred wrote: »

Totally 2nd this one. Write everything down and state STOP/no whenever something happens, then report.
Her employer has a duty of care to respond to this when she reports it.

This is a very important thing to do, and to keep - if she has evidence of what he has been up to, it is much clearer and easier for managers, unions, and should it ever go so far, solicitors to fight her corner - as well as harder for them to defend him. Although I have left the job I described above, I still have my diary of the man's behaviour towards me and that I witnessed towards others, and will keep it as long as there is any chance that further evidence might be needed by a colleague.

Edited to add, don't sink to his level by name-calling back, it doesn't help, and won't make her look professional.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

pinksleepybear wrote: »

Noooo! Her daughter is an adult - she needs to sort it out herself or she will never be respected or have self-respect. Her mum can give advice/provide a shoulder to cry on, but must not directly intervene.

Yeah, because she will have sooo much self respect if she cannot bring herself to do anything and gets more seriously attacked. Good to know that you would pretend it wasn't happening to my daughter, for example, in your place of work, as it is so character forming.


PS Sorry, didn't realise your main experience of children/young adults is limited to complaining about the washing up. You don't understand. I am sure anyone would forgive you your ignorance.