So cross with OH

jesster_2

snoozer wrote:

Since joining the DFWs I have started saving £2 and also odd change I had. But then I noticed when I picked up OH jeans and jackets they were chinking quite a lot so I've been emptying them - he hasn't even noticed yet and I'm several pounds to the good.

Wish my OH would leave £2 coins in his pockets or lying around. All he does is empty out a clutch of 2ps and 1ps every evening, and then not bother putting them back in his pocket the next day. I found this REALLY annoying, little puddles of useless shrapnel dumped around the house... until i started swiping it and putting it in my 2s-and-1s jar. It's not as profitable as the £2 coin club, but it's building up!

EagerLearner

I can relate to this - my ex was a spender and inconsiderate - however, even talking to him did not make it better. He has to realise that your savings are not a joke and if it helps you, do use your own account - it's healthier and you both take some responsibility for your saving or your debt... Good luck honey, keep that savings motivation high and hope he sees the light ;o)

EagerLearner

calleyw

missk_ensington wrote:

Calley, so you're suggesting that: (Partner 1) "I have a savings account", (Partner2) "What for? and how much?" (partner1) "Im not telling you!" conversation is more benefitial to a relationship than not telling them at all! What kind of relationship do you have! If I told my partner I had savings, but refused to tell him how much, or where the money was coming from he'd be fuming! He would automatically think I was planning to leave him, or that I was having an affair or something daft, which is what id think if I knew he was stashing money and not telling me!

I was not refering to the OP but your other posts that suggested hiding money away.

I think not telling them how much is an account is rather different to not admitting the money exists in the first place. You could be saving for a nice new hair do etc. Or a holiday away for the both of you.

I have heard and seen strange things connected with money like someone I knew who paid for himself to go away on holiday but made his wife pay for herself and there two children. And he was the major wage earner in the house. I am like :eek:

I don't like deceit. Not admitting to things like saving sccounts means a constant hiding of bank books etc from the other. And I for one just can't arsed with that. To much hard work and worrying that they are going to find it.

So you don't think if your partner came across the account book now he would still not think you where planning to leave him. If that is what you think he was up to when stashing money. It must be the first thing to cross his mind too.

Better to be open in the first place.

As I said I could not cope with it. And I am no good at telling lies even what you class as white lies. Life is hard enough without the emotional drain of having to keep everything hidden. And doing the the financial work of two adults.

There are some woman out there that don't know how much there husbands earn. I am like !!!!!!. How can you even begin to budget for a household if you don't know what income you have coming in.

I hope I have not offended you with my views. But as I said they are my views. And something that I am just not comfortable with is to lie and cheat. After having someone lie to me about seeing and sleeping with another woman. It is one thing I will never do.

And where you draw the line on white lies. You claim that it does no harm to have secret accounts. If it was man doing this and he admitted it on this forum he would be strung up and people would say how dare you keep this money from your wife/partner. But it is ok for a woman to do and to be actively encouraged. Seems to be to be double standards if you ask me. As nowadays it is not uncommon for both partners to be earning. As well having no children.

I mean you may as well not live together if you keep everything seperate. And don't even have a joint household account. Because to me (again my point of view alone)that is not a partnership. And marriage or living together is a partnership.

I am not trying to do your relationship down and it seems to be working for you, but you must be under great strain. Which I hope does not harm your relationship or your health. As I said it is not a way I could live.

I want an equal in my relationship.

All the best.


Yours

Calley

calleyw

Getting back to the OP.

I do agree that £80 odd pound for someone you don't know very well is a lot to spend on a present.


£200 on a MP3 player :eek: If it was something that he wanted and he really wanted. I would try and get him to research which one he wanted. To try and find it a the cheapest price. And then say well if you save XX for XX months you will have the money in cash. It might make him think twice about spending the money.

But if it was my husband I would have talked him out of a MP3 as he has no need what so ever for one. So would be a total waste of money.

I think and we are all gulity of it if we are being truthful to are selves. That when you use pastic and cheques and it is not like real money. But if you had to hand that money over in cash you would be more likely going :eek: not sure on this. Well maybe not for some :rotfl:

All the best.


Yours


Calley

halloweenqueen_2

Has he been forgiven yet - or is the mp3 player up one of his nostrils now??!

Quiet_Life

I totally agee, joint account for all shared utilities etc. Separate solo accounts for all the rest, As my late mother told me many years ago
Remember, what's yours is mine and what's mine is my own.

As Robert Frost said

Never ask of money spent
Where the spender thinks it went
Nobody was ever meant
To remember or invent
What he did with every cent.

Sorry for the bit of flippancy, but do love this poem.

halloweenqueen_2

Without wishing to sound like I am promoting secrecy! The woman who wrote a book describing how to be a great wife mother homekeeper and all the rest, was in the newspaper the other day and wished she had either kept at work or kept her mouth shut as after many years of putting her husband first he upped and left her (not sure if for younger model) , she was left potless and I seem to remember in debt. She had no inkling whatsoever that anything was wrong, so maybe these aren't secret accounts as such for some, they are insurance policies.
What earning potential would alot of women have after a lifetime of bringing up the kids and the other half, theres lots of low paid jobs, but if they are left with a mortgage and debts could they manage? BTW this could equally apply to househusbands!

System

Snoozer, if you think your blokes bad how about mine?

He quit his job about 8 weeks ago cause he didnt like the job, he is a commericial electrician but they tried to get him to do 'house bashing' when the contract he was on ended . He didnt sign on, or look look for work for about a month. Then spent £1,000 on a clapped out motor bike to 'do' up.

He signs on for the first time on Monday as now hes got no cash and all his usual places who he usually works for are not taking on new contracts.

He is now wondering how hes going to pay next months bills and i am absolutely furious.

snoozer

halloweenqueen wrote:

Has he been forgiven yet - or is the mp3 player up one of his nostrils now??!

No, he's more or less been forgiven but I'm afraid I'm too evil to forget :rolleyes: he'll be reminded a few times yet.

BTW I found out what he'd bought the happy couple today - something from the Le Creuset cast iron kitchen range. At £82 it'll probably be too heavy for them to lift :rotfl:

PS I found a recommendation for a site selling cheap bunches of freesias on another thread, I love them so I've sent myself a bunch (using rpoints as well) as my present to myself. Only 193 less than he spent though

halloweenqueen_2

whats the site please snoozer - i have some flowers to send soon and I need to be as cheap as possible without being mean!!
Le creuset is great!! (sorry) i won a set about 12 years ago and they are as good as new. So they will appreciate them but its still a pity he spent that much.

Judi - I hope things pick up for you, maybe this will make him a bit more careful when he finishes a job, doesn't help at the moment i know. Wish you well!