So cross with OH

missk_ensington

If that was my partner I think Id be getting his MP3 player now whilst hes not at home and putting it on ebay! Along with anything else of value!

Seriously, If I were you Id open a savings account, DONT tell him EVER (My partner doesn't know ive been receiving DLA at £226 a month for the past 2 years which has now turned into a hefty lump sum in the bank) and regard it as your insurance policy. I dont believe you should be 100% upfront about your money however long youve been married, there are times Ive considered telling my OH about DLA money thinking I was being unfair, but then he goes and does something really stupid with £200 and I think 'why should I?'.

(When we had to get our house deposit together, like 10grand in 6 weeks he decided to buy a Man Utd season ticket!)

I have every sympathy with you, and since he isnt respecting you very much, Id definately start squirreling money away that he doesnt know about!

calleyw

missk_ensington wrote:

I dont believe you should be 100% upfront about your money however long youve been married,

Sorry I 100% disagree with this. Be it marriage or a co-habiting relationship. You should be 100% truthful. As other wise (Talking personally here) you don't have a relationship.

If you have to hide things that means you don't trust them. And if you don't trust them you should not be in a relationship with them.

When someone says they hide things from there partner a little bell rings in my head to say "what else have you not told them"

I open about everything with my husband including money and we trust each other. I know him so well I know that he will not waste his money. And on big purchases even for himself will ask me "Do you think I ought too"

My husband is open with me about everything including money. When he inherted from his mother I saw the cheques and even paid them in to the bank for him. So knew how much he is worth. Or should I say how much WE are worth.

As we are team and we work togther. The money he inherted has been used to offset the mortgage. So has been used for the good of the household. I did suggest that he could go and buy a nice sporty car as he is now coming in the age of middle life crisis and he said "No, I don't want to waste that money"

Money and love lives are what causes most arguments in relationships. So to me that makes it even more important to be upfront and truthful and not hide things from each other.

Even if they know the money exists so what if it is in your name they can't spend it. And can't make you spend either.

But each to there own.

Yours


Calley

MORPH3US

Can i just defend men here for a second.......

.... 2nd thoughts, I won't bother!!!

OP, you must be gutted, I think you need to sit your OH down and have a chat!

My girlfriend is terrible with money, but at least she has finally realised it after me nagging at her for far too long! She has now decided that she wants me to just give her pocket money each week so she can't spend more than she has each month! I'm glad she saw sense and decided that. She even lets me take care of all her banking online!

M

missk_ensington

Theres trust in the manner of fidelity etc, and trust with money. I love my partner and trust him with other women, my son, etc, but wouldn't trust him with my money! He's about to declare bankruptcy (from debts he accrued before I met him) and thus Ive bought our house in my name and wont let him have anything to do with it because I dont trust him-as soon as hes able to get credit again I know he will borrow and secure it on the house.

Calley, if I had a partner who was good with money I would be open as well, but when youve got financial liability living with you its a completely different ball game altogether!

ms_london

missk_ensington wrote:

Theres trust in the manner of fidelity etc, and trust with money. I love my partner and trust him with other women, my son, etc, but wouldn't trust him with my money! He's about to declare bankruptcy (from debts he accrued before I met him) and thus Ive bought our house in my name and wont let him have anything to do with it because I dont trust him-as soon as hes able to get credit again I know he will borrow and secure it on the house.

Calley, if I had a partner who was good with money I would be open as well, but when youve got financial liability living with you its a completely different ball game altogether!

I have to agree with that. And perhaps I am a bit cynical - but how many people do we get posting on here saying how their OH has done a runner & left them with debts? Or perhaps no debt involved but left them without a pot to p** in (for the want of a better phrase!)?

Perhaps I'll change my mind when (and if) I meet the man of my dreams, but to be honest, I will probably keep some aside for a rainy day too!!

Yep I am cynical ;0) xx

Debt_Free_Chick

snoozer wrote:

OH has just rung and I've told him he's got his own thread on here. :rotfl: He took it in good part if rather sheepishly admitting that he should have talked to me first about buying things.

Will be sitting down tonight to talk about priorities - such as the new boiler we need which could have been half paid for by now. :wall:

Print this thread off and show it to him!

lynzpower

my OH is much better than I am with money ( i think) and he has got control of the cards from my rent account & did have my CCs till i cut them up the other day. I trust him completely, but we dont have shared money apart from an account for rent & bills. If we have to buy a present for a wedding one of us buys it and the other gives half the money, but only with prior agreement of what we can afford first. It works.

jesster_2

good for you getting him to talk about it! Firstly, it's a good thing to keep your own money and not pool everything. Someone earlier said their mum has happy money; my mum always called hers her "running away fund". She's never run away, but the money's definitely come in handy now and then!

Secondly, I'm going to come and live in your street if you give 80-quid presents to neighbours you barely know! ;-)

jesster_2

ms_london wrote:

I have to agree with that. And perhaps I am a bit cynical - but how many people do we get posting on here saying how their OH has done a runner & left them with debts? Or perhaps no debt involved but left them without a pot to p** in (for the want of a better phrase!)?

This is very true, so often it's one party leaving the other one in the sh*t. BUT 99.9% of the time this kind of screw-up is preceded by the two people NOT being open with each other about their money situation.

missk_ensington is, in a way, fortunate to know her OH is a financial liability and has therefore chosen to deal with it in a way that protects herself.

But for a lot of people who don't have the luxury of this prior knowledge, you probably WILL have joint and several liabilities like in the mortgage or whatever, so it's healthier to have it all out in the open so that you both know where you are.

That's not to say you shouldn't both keep some of your money separate, that's just common sense. But usually there's no reason why not to be open about it - even if not as brutally as calling it your 'running away fund'. "Happy money" is a much nicer way to put it!

novice_money_saver_2

amosworks wrote:

My mum has one of these "hidden" accounts apparently, she calls it her happy fund so that in a pinch, something nice can be done without any record of explanation needed. It seems to work wonders for her so I think that maybe all women should have one You never know when the foundation mousse is gonna jump off the shelf and leap in to your basket after all - and you should always be prepared for such unforseen emergencies :rotfl:

OMG what a fab idea! I needs me a "happy fund"!!