My new SOA - need motivation

Ames

She doesn't live with me. I take everyones point, but I'm just not in a place right now where I can handle the hassle that standing up to her will cause. She did cook for me, but she wasn't prepared to adapt to my diet plan, so I started eating at home on my own.

Horace

Ames - if she wants food then she cleans, you're probably in a mess because you're ill. Sorry but you're being taken for a ride - family or no family.

Say that you're skint and put that extra £120 that you use for her food into an ISA or something and save for something for you.

Its her problem that she's not getting JSA not yours - and she needs to be grown up about it and find out why she isnt getting JSA, my bet is she isnt claiming because she has no need to as the family pay for everything including her food.

Sorry if that sounds harsh.

Ames

Oh, and she doesn't have time to help me regularly because of the number of job applications she's doing.

Ames

She has claimed, but they haven't paid her yet, I took her into town to the jobcentre yesterday and they said they'd sort it.

LittleMissInDebt

Ames wrote: »

She is trying to get a job, I've been taking her to the interviews. There's just not much out there.

She wont clean here. When she moved up to Leeds it was supposed to be partly so she could provide my care, but she can never fit it in. Last time she came she walked back out again saying it was too messy and she wouldn't help.

She has no money at all though, for some reason her JSA hasn't been paid. And I can really do without the family hassle for letting her down.

Hiya

I can see why you want to help her (I should, I've never had an ex-partner who didn't end up owing me a lot of money) but at the same time think she's being very cheeky - refusing to clean for you but expecting you to support her. I think you need to be firmer, and tell her you can't afford to keep doing this - and suggest either she does do the cleaning/caring as agreed, or learns to cook from scratch and saves money that way.

I'm honestly quite shocked at the cheek! oh and I wish I had a sister... I don't need food but I would like a gym membership

MrsTinks

Ames wrote: »

Oh, and she doesn't have time to help me regularly because of the number of job applications she's doing.

Nonsense I've done the job hunting thing several times and you cannot do it 24/7 - you'd loose your marbles. We're talking maybe 2 hours a week, not 37.5... that leaves 110 hours a week if you allow her 8 a day to sleep... I'm sure she can manage to apply to every job going in the remaining 110 hours...
(I have my stubborn head on today )

Imagine the difference to your finances if you stopped treating her like a child and made her take some responcibility for herself
Right now you're GIVING her 12.5% of your income... That's a lot!

gfplux

Hello Ames,
You are in a very bad place at the moment.
I agree with all the other posters.
You can not carry the whole world on your shoulders. You will DROWN.

Next point. The issue with your sister has got in the way of the SOA..

Make out your SOA (link - http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html ) Try not to guess at the figures, dig out the paperwork. However remember a partial completed one is better than none. It is in fact one of the most important things you will do to start on the road to recovery. If you want a lot of help on this forum, posting your SOA is the first and most important step.

Start a spending diary TODAY to find out exactly where you money goes. Knowledge is power.


Good Luck looking forward to your SOA

Horace

Ames - there are 24 hours in a day LOL

I think you need to be crafty and maybe shop in Lidl. If you can manage it, don't take her shopping with you and that way you can buy the food that you want to buy - spend less and less on her, say that you haven't got the money.

MrsTinks

I know you don't want the hassle... but you need to stand up to her sooner rather than later... 120 per 4 weeks for a year works out at about £1500 - your debts could EASILY be paid off with the money your sister gets off you in a year... Even if you merely cut down her "allowance" (it's possible to live on a LOT less...) to half - so £60 - which in my book is still generous - you'd be able to put £750 into the "debt" fund without blinking

Ames

Apparantly she spends two hours on every application. I'm not sure how many she's doing now but it was 20 a week.

The SOA above is all correct, nothing's guessed apart from the cleaner, and I don't know how much it'll be till it starts.