Frightened to take the step

Karmacat

The auction amount sounds brilliant, hettie, well done!

I *completely* understand your thoughts on selling the house in as good a condition as you can, if you need to - thats exactly the situation I'm in right now. Income in no way covers outgoings, if I move I can be mortgage free in a low-maintenance house in an area I like.

Very rare for me - but, I cooked last night! Banana bread, which tasted great. but you should see the amount of batch cooking that Shaun did - must be around 30 portions he's done, its amazing.

I like the sound of the Christmas fund - you do know about online surveys, don't you? They take a while to build up, but you can get paypal money/amazon vouchers/other vouchers, and use those as part of your presents fund.

Have a good one, I'm out for the day.

hettiecarro

Thanks Karmacat.
Will check out the up your income board. Any particular ones you've used that at good?

Hope you have a good day out.

x

hettiecarro

Hi DF

Advocate has got the CAB involved - she said the guy will 'lay it on the line' to Nationwide - so I must leave it with him for now.

Went onto the loans site yesterday to get advice about the loan signatuer.Someone gave me a bit of a wrap across the knuckles (as if I'm not feeling bad enough). I suppose it was deserved - but now he/she thinks I'm just looking for a way out.

The comment was made that if I can't pay the debt I am lucky enough to live in a country where the law enables me to deal with it, and that I should remember that Nationwide is owned by it's customers so by not paying them I could jeopardise my friends, neighbours etc etc interest rate!!! :rolleyes:

Sure don't feel like I part own Nationwide! If I did I'd sack the lot of 'em. :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Anyway I was firmly put in my place.

Must go - Thanks DF.

hettiecarro

Hi all

I know I should start a diary - but I can't at the moment.

I think I am seriously at the point of giving up.

For the first time since all this started my OH has told me how disappointed in
me he is - and that with all the money we've earned over the years he shouldn't have to pennypinch to get me out of this.

I feel I am losing complete control - and if I haven't got him behind me I may as well just give up.

Thanks for all your help thoug.

xx

dancingfairy

What loans site about the signature? some people have nothing better to do thatn make other people feel bad unfortunately.
Urmm - this is a kind of diary isn't it- it's a reccord of progress for you.
I guess it's difficult to keep motivated with it all - you are getting there though - it's a slow road but you are making progress. Stick with it.
Have you got enough saved up to make any full and final offer yet? even if you started with one? it might spur you on to tackle others?
df

Katy83

Hi Hettie,

Sorry you are having such a horrible time ((HUGS)).

I thought this was your diary thread, oops! Have you been back and read it through from the beginning? You have come quite a way since first starting to look at this.

That's a shame about your OH. Maybe he is just feeling a bit frustrated and down about things too. We're all only human after all and bound to take things out on those closest to us. Try to stay as positive as you can, I know it's hard, and I'm sure he'll come round again.

And as for the idiots who are having a go at you for a signature. Just ignore them. There are far too many people with not enough to do that just like being horrible to the rest of us. They are not worth it, honestly.

Keep your chin up xx

jellymid

Hi Hettie,
I have been following your progress and you've come such a long way. Please don't let the comments from yesterday get you down. Nonjudgemental is always the best approach on these boards. As to your other half, he's probably just having a down day, too, but it's so hard not to take these things to heart, isn't it? You have made such a lot of progress, please don't give up now. You can get through this. Small steps. Gritted teeth. Forced smile. One day soon you'll be ambling, relaxed and smiling happily. x

Karmacat

Oh Hettie! You poor thing - loans site *and* OH on at you. I just went back to reread your first post...... I understand that it was your mum's death that precipitated you into spend spend spend, but your OH benefitted too..... and he's also halved his income, through being made redundant. Its not only you .......... I'm sad that you're being blamed for it all. Some of it is your responsibility, sure, we all bear responsibility for our own actions, but you're in a partnership, you and OH bear joint responsibility, it seems to me, and you're getting it in the neck for all of it...... well, thats between you, but you're seeming so crushed at the mo, it doesn't sound like you were able to fight back.

The diary thing......... well, this *has* turned into your diary, the other posters were right. I think the reason I was prattling on about a diary the other day is that you learn to go onto other people's diaries, and you learn how other people cope. Last year, there was a longstanding poster who was posting on here while she was waiting for the ambulance after her husband had had a heart attack. Another was posting as she was watching flood waters creep into her house. People get evicted, have adult children come back to live in their two bedroom flat, all sorts of things - you find out how people cope, and follow their stories, and it helps you. And there are some people who are here to help but have brilliant senses of humour, and you suddenly laugh out loud at a thread. Thats fun, and it gives you a bit of relief, and my god, if ever anybody has as much as they can cope with and needs a bit of a laugh, its you.

I don't know what's best for you, but if you've been attacked like that on a loans site (and I'm not sure what loans site) it seems to me that at the very least you could ask your advocate to make a complaint for you. Is that something thats in the understanding with the advocate? You might need to go back to your GP too. And see if the GP surgery offers free counselling sessions too, for someone to sit with face to face and talk about it all, tho I understand there can be a waiting list.

Lots and lots of hugs.

dancingfairy

My opnion for what it's worth:
Yes it would be great if everybody paid back the money they borrowed but life isn't quite like that - as you've found out. You borrowed the money in good faith and you had other things foing on in your life and I've no doubt if there was a way for you to fully repay the money that you would. You've been dealt a rough hand recently which hasn't helped and unfortunately you are unable to pay the money back - I'm sure you feel quite bad enough without other people sticking the knife in - we all make mistakes and do things we're not proud of and if the other person says not - well they're lying. Yes you may not have handled things well and may act differently if you had your time again - but don't let it ruin your future - you are dealing with the situation as best you can now and don't beat yourself up over it.
I agree about your partner - he is getting a roof over his head and benefitting as well - he is obviously suffering from the strain of it as well - what with loosing work and it is easy to lash out at those close to you.
I agree with Katy - you might find it useful to see how far you have come in such a short space of time by rereading this thread.
Hope the rest of this week and going forward is better for you.
Take care - oh and come back and update us with progress - we even like to hear about holidays and blackberry picking - this is your thread so any random thoughts you want to post you can post here - anything that tickles your fancy, any progress you make - anything.
I think it helps to get it all off your chest.
Best of Luck
df

Katy_M_2

Hey Hettie

Hope things have perked up a bit for you.

I agree with the others, sounds like hubby was just having a bit of a bad day, he is only a man after all! I hope this was the case and that he is back to his good old supportive self.

You really have come so far and you should be proud of yourself - as we are all proud of you. I am sure you have been an inspiration to all of the people that have been keeping up with your amazing progress.

As for the comment made on the loans board on this site - the person that made that comment doesn't know your full background, and it's easy for things to not come accross properly when posting on the internet so don't take it personally. We all love you and know that you are doing everything in your power to resolve your situation. Pardon my language but screw him/her!

It may seem like 'giving up' is the easy option but it's not in the long run is it. This is your life we are talking about and you are worth it. Giving up won't make you happy and it won't make things any easier. Look how far you've come already, even though you might not notice it, with every little step you take - no matter how insignificant it may seem - you are getting closer and closer to where you want to be. Even if it's just a simple thought process, even if all you do one day is think to yourself - I am a good person, and I deserve to be happy - then that is a step in the right direction.

You need to make sure that this 'situation' isn't ruling your life. You have the advocate on your case now, so make sure you take some time out to enjoy life and for you and hubby to have some fun.

OK I will stop waffleing now!

Big hugs xxxxxxxxx