FUTURE PLANNING - ie FUNERALS

margaretclare

????puzzled - dont understand how that could be the case - as they know a wake is standard practice and happens immediately after the funeral????? (back to panicking how the alcohol gets paid for - and...errr...yes....that is standard practice for the person arranging it to provide the bottles of booze in my family)

It may be standard practice in your family, and no doubt in others, but it is in no way 'standard practice' in general.

I've been to quite a few funerals over the years and have never yet been to a 'wake'. Tea and coffee, sandwiches, sausage rolls, a bit of chat, a get-together, those kind of things, but I've never been to a funeral which ended in a general booze-up. It obviously does happen, but I have no experience of it.

A funeral is essential. Someone who dies must be buried, or cremated. The fees you list are essential - there is no way of not paying them. Professional people are entitled to charge for what they do. But bottles of alcohol so that the mourners can get stoned out of their heads? I can't see how anyone thinks that is an essential cost of a funeral.

dzug1

ceridwen wrote: »

So - to clarify - is it the case that the bank (and presumably building societies as well - if thats where they have their money instead) - would release money for:
- the undertaker
- the doctor (didnt know about that one!)
- expenses involved with the church (vicar/flowers/etc)

.

Normally the undertaker would pay the doctor/church etc so it would be all one bill. Possibly not universal, but that's my experience.

margaretclare

Just something niggling away at my mind. Over the years I've heard people say what kind of a 'send-off' they wanted. It used to be a 'ham tea', going back to my childhood. 'Enough to bury me, and a ham tea'. But if that was the kind of send-off people specified, they would do their darndest to leave enough funds to pay for it. Even if that meant a small insurance policy - the kind that used to be so common. But they didn't expect the mourners, the next-of-kin, to foot the bill!

It does seem a little odd to my way of thinking, to go into so much detail when people are still alive.

Errata

dzug1 wrote: »

Normally the undertaker would pay the doctor/church etc so it would be all one bill. Possibly not universal, but that's my experience.

That's also been my experience. It's worth bearing in mind that the person who instructs the funeral directors signs a contract and is responsible for paying the bill. Usually this is either the next of kin or an executor. They need to make sure the bill can be paid, either from the estate or if there is no estate other than a few pieces of furniture, by way of a bereavment grant if they are eligible.

slopemaster

margaretclare wrote: »

It does seem a little odd to my way of thinking, to go into so much detail when people are still alive.

Here in France, it seems to be common for people to buy their plot in the cemetery, and even put up the fancy marble tomb and headstone, whilst they are still alive. So you see them in the cemetery with the names on, but with the final date missing....
I find that a little odd, but that's just me.

the_rottweiler

My mum is very secretive and a few years ago told me that she wanted me to go on one of her accounts, just in case she became infirm and couldnt pay bills.
The information she has given me has come out in throwaway comments over the past 5 years, she will make a comment then warn me not to tell my siblings,and refuse to discuss it further, but I know it has to be followed through
I dont think about this account or use it as she still is in roaring good health mentally and physically (still works 20 hours a week at 74 years old)
During a discussion with my sis recently it came out that she thought she would end up paying for mums funeral when the time comes, because I have no money or savings and though she is not rich, she would be able to get loan,
I then explained that the money in mums account was also to cover her funeral and wake and that she would not have to pay anything,
It so annoying that she wont talk to my siblings about it, cos I think there will be rows eventually as I am the only one who knows what she wants

mary-op

I think its often the case in many households that these things aren't talked about -almost like a 'taboo' subject.
My mum only discussed things when she had her stroke -my father had died some years previous but even then arrangements for mum weren't mentioned for if and when the time came.
Mum at that time realised she had to put something in place for everyones benefit and she took out a funeral plan outlining everything which made things much easier. Four year on her state of mind had changed and she could never have done it.

Reading through these postings about bank accounts being frozen..............I remember when my first husband died many years back. Then it was common practise for bank accounts and mortgages to be in the husbands name only but the bank were good enough to allow me access under the circumstances and the account was changed over to my name. What took the longest was changing the house into my name but that was more the solicitor taking his time than anything else as far as I recall.

As margaret says - it always used to be ham sandwiches and cups of tea after a funeral and there's no reason really to think that should change unless the family decide they want more. If they wish to go to a pub and drink to the life of a loved one so be it but the expense shouldn't fall to the next of kin for that, least not in my opinion.

margaret

I got a quote last October when DH was so ill - what I specified above, £2,500.

There are other types of coffin - some are like a thick cardboard box.

That amount is roughly what mums funeral cost - hearse, car for famiy, cremation etc.
I've looked at the cardboard coffins and to be honest I think they look a bit too plain and I prefer the wicker basket type. The people who run the green burial site we're interested in also arrange undertakers so they may know of some smaller firms that are a bit cheaper. I've still to look into a lot of this I think.

inkie

You will get one invoice from the funeral director to cover everything that you specify (ie. if you add flowers/catering/announcements etc they will all be included and itemised on the invoice.) There are standard costs which will include the fees that they have to pay for Drs (including second signatory for cremation), cemetary or cremation related fees.
The ministers fees will be included on this invoice, as we get paid directly by the FD (the fees actually go to the church and not us, btw).
Some FD's will allw you to settle the invoice within a given time, but require a 'deposit' before they can go ahead and make and arrangements - this will be the fee that covers the their costs that they have to payot for afore-mentioned items.
I would definately be checking with parents as to the availbality of funds to cover this.

ceridwen

margaretclare wrote: »

It may be standard practice in your family, and no doubt in others, but it is in no way 'standard practice' in general.

I've been to quite a few funerals over the years and have never yet been to a 'wake'. Tea and coffee, sandwiches, sausage rolls, a bit of chat, a get-together, those kind of things, but I've never been to a funeral which ended in a general booze-up. It obviously does happen, but I have no experience of it.

A funeral is essential. Someone who dies must be buried, or cremated. The fees you list are essential - there is no way of not paying them. Professional people are entitled to charge for what they do. But bottles of alcohol so that the mourners can get stoned out of their heads? I can't see how anyone thinks that is an essential cost of a funeral.

Thanks Margaret...


err....my family dont do "stoned out of their heads" - perish the thought...just a very genteel/civilised couple of glasses of sherry and/or wine....drunkards are NOT approved of in my family (says she - sipping a glass of wine whilst typing this....:o). Its just regarded as "the thing to do" to supply that couple of glasses of genteel alcohol with the sandwiches/etc...

Maybe "wake" isnt quite the word for what I'm describing - what will happen is everyone will stand around very quietly/very genteely/very politely eating their buffet type food and sipping their one or two glasses of alcohol and making polite conversation....

Believe me - my family is seriously traditional/conventional/formal - they dont come much more so.....apart from that odd exception (ie me - who has long since learnt that the best way to keep the peace is to fit in precisely with what is required when I'm with the rest of my family......). I think the best way I can put this is "try thinking the Royal Family - but with a LOT LOT less money....THATS how traditional/one must do the "done thing" my family is....Its just a very "standard" average "family in the street" - but it IS very very conservative...

ceridwen

margaretclare wrote: »

Just something niggling away at my mind. Over the years I've heard people say what kind of a 'send-off' they wanted. It used to be a 'ham tea', going back to my childhood. 'Enough to bury me, and a ham tea'. But if that was the kind of send-off people specified, they would do their darndest to leave enough funds to pay for it. Even if that meant a small insurance policy - the kind that used to be so common. But they didn't expect the mourners, the next-of-kin, to foot the bill!

It does seem a little odd to my way of thinking, to go into so much detail when people are still alive.

Well - another thing in my family is we think ahead...errr...years ahead...basically. That much I have in common with my family.

My upset/worry is because - in this particular instance - I dont have the faintest idea about what to do - because there would not appear to have been any of that family "planning ahead" in this instance. If I knew the plan - I'd just follow it - but there doesnt appear to be one. If I was in reasonable financial circumstances myself - I could think "blow it - I'll get it dealt with and figure that out later".

What is worrying me is no apparent plan - and my own finances just simply dont allow for dealing with this (salaries dont come much lower than mine....)