Alcohol self help thread II

jos_4

Hi I'm new to this part of the forum and just after some advice please. My partner has had a drinking problem for nearly 20 years, not to the extent it is now but it has always been there. Tonight i have really had enough he has drunk himself into a right mess and he was getting the kids to say stupid things and do rude gestures (the V's etc) he would never do this when he's sober. I took myself and the kids upstairs to get away and then he starts on with all the self pitying crap. I know that sounds harsh but I have heard it all for 10 years and nothing ever changes. I want to talk about it tomorrow but i don't want it to end up in a big arguement as it usually does. Does anyone have any ideas on what to say or how i should say it. Sorry if this makes no sense but i am in a right mess, while trying to keep it together in front of the kids, at the moment. Thanks for listening.

beer2006

Hi jos
My advice would be to say what you think. If you are not willing to put up with it anymore, say it.
But only if you are really not going to put up with it. If you say it and let it carry on, its like a green light to a alcoholic. I should know

If you've had enough tonight, will you have had enough tomorrow, or will you have relented a little bit, its that little bit he needs to drink next time.

I wouldn't say anything to him while he is drinking, or has a bad hangover. Or until the drink wears off tomorrow. which will be about lunchtime.

Its always quiet at the weekends on here, come back tomorrow if it doesn't pick up.
A big hug for you because I'm sure you need it atm. :grouphug:

lewt

hi jos try reading this it may help. do you know about al anon ? habbi will be the best person to talk to i think. as she's on the same side of the line as you. im just a recovering alky. does your partner know he has a drink problem? if so has he ever spoken about wanting to stop? The only Place i know of to stop and stay stoppped and be happy with live and live without all the nasty feelings i have if i dont go to AA and pratice the program of recovery. is ^AA. well done for posting here and asking for help i know that this illness prob effects you more than it does him in one way or another.

I dont wanna scare you but it is a progressive illnes unless treated. ask him if he's interested in stopping best to do it at the end of a bender, not when the alcohol is still buzzing roubnd his system. but when the remorse comes. maybe you could phone AA and some1 will more than likely come take him to a meeting if he's willing. Good luck. as i said habbi is prob the best to talk to. about your situation. i think they also have on line al anon meetings at https://www.stepchat.com hope this helps. god bless.

Al_Mac

Jos, like what beer and lewt said. Also you need an escape plan, just in case he gets violent, I never did, but Mrs Mac has a plan and so do the children, they don't know it's because of me You and the children have to come first.

If he doesn't want to talk and/or he hasn't hit rock bottom, you might not get anywhere. He has to one to be better first.

Good luck, do come back and ask anything you want to, we have the whole spectrum of people here, posting and watching

lewt

who's rikki? why dont i get thanks from her? i feel left out...

Al_Mac

lewt wrote:

who's rikki? why dont i get thanks from her? i feel left out...

Bless:rolleyes: All sorts of lovely people read this thread and thank:eek: Try saying something clever and useful;)

lewt

Al_Mac wrote:

Bless:rolleyes: All sorts of lovely people read this thread and thank:eek: Try saying something clever and useful;)

i just did on phil's 21st thread.

Al_Mac

lewt wrote:

i just did on phil's 21st thread.

I've read it, matter of opinion

lewt

what's your peoblem with me al?

habibi_2

Hi Jos

Well done and welcome. You sound in despair, same as I was when i went to my first Al-Anon meeting.

You have been given good advice already on here. Alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful; the best way all round is to get help for yourself. You can help your husband by phoning AA if he asks you to and I suggest you get help for yourself in coping with the drinking and for your own well-being and for your children.

Most of us in Al-Anon have had "the chats" when we have desperately tried to make someone see what they are doing. I know today I was wasting my breath most of the time. As others have said, you can tell him how you feel and what his drinking is doing to you and your family. Then try your hardest to leave it at that and walk away - easier said than done. It is so easy to get sucked into an argument. I hope this is some help to you.

Al-Anon Family Groups - help in recovering from the effects of another's problem drinking:

Tel: 020-7403 0888 (10am - 10pm Monday to Friday)
E-mail: enquiries@al-anon.org.uk
Website: https://www.al-anon.org.uk

or PM me anytime. Take care of yourself.

Hi Beer I'm fine thanks. Are you feeling brighter? Yes another busy day plus spending too long on the internet - my latest obsession.
Hope you are all well