MSE Parents Club Part 4

Sami_Bee

night peeps going to bed (think I might go too)

MFD - do you remember how much parking costs in golden square?

elle_gee

Anyone want to send the biscuit making fairies over to my house? Sooo want biscuits but can't be bothered to make them Suppose I'd better though.. want to take some to my mum tomorrow. I thought it was odd I hadn't heard from her for a few days - turns out she had a major panic attack on Thursday night and is still in bed recovering from it tonight :eek:

searching_me

awww elle ... i would but i think they went to bed ... hope your mum is ok x

tiamai_d

Grrrr! I fed the grubber for 30mins then gave her 30mls EBM and thought her settled, but no, screaming again! She can't still be hungry?! I swear my boobs are empty. Another 40mls in the fridge, will give her that and hope she sleeps.

This breast feeding is hard work.

ManOnTheMoon

ladybirdintheuk wrote: »

First of all I have to say I'm in awe - I struggle sometimes and i only have 1 baby, and DH here, and 2 sets of grandparents on call! You are doing an amazing job


Rubbish - you need to do what is best for the girls and yourself (because you need to be happy and healthy to look after them). If that means getting a bit of help from SIL/whoever then so be it Try not to beat yourself up over this one!




OK, my thoughts here, in no particular order - have you spoken to the girls (particularly the eldest) about how you are feeling? Not about wanting to meet someone someday, but about feeling agraphobic etc? It might be worth talking to them about it and (as someone else) suggested, seeing what they thought you could do to get out and about. Maybe echo Feelie here, and try and set yourself a target of getting out once a week. And get ideas from the girls as to what you could do? Make it a kind of project for them to come up with ideas, then you will have a choice of things they are ok with.


What does she want to do in the long run? Is it worth taking that track? is she wants to do x then she will need xyz qualification to get there etc. Other than that, could you talk to her about what she wants her sisters to achieve in the future, and that the best thing she could be doing for them is setting them a good example by going off to college and also by having a balanced healthy lifestyle (so including exercise/whatever, but also including fitting social life in too!). Realistically I think if her sisters look up to her then she needs to be paving the way for them to follow in her footsteps.

Don't worry about talking to us about things - after all, we're not real

I don't know about an amazing job. As i've said before, I hope to go to bed having done more right than wrong

I don't mind the help as such. I don't know what my issue is. I am a bit funny about alot of things. I hate people doing things for me, I hate people buying things for me and I like my girls relying on me. It helps me that they need me, because it gives me a purpose.

The girls know I don't like going out. I mean, I pop down the local shop when they are all at school, which is like 2 minutes away, although I feel lost as I don't have children with me asking for things. The elder ones just think i'll be okay as I have them. I try and explain to them, but they start to think i'm saying I don't need them as much, and then I start backtracking as I don't want to upset them. I'll try including them in what I want to do in the future, but i'm not sure it will get anyway other than 'that's ages away'

The eldest wants to work in some kind of social care. Now, I have one or two options after talking to her this evening. We looked at a college prospectus and she says she will consider a couple of evening classes that her friend is talking, Sociology and Psychology and has allowed me to look into it next week and she'll get her friend to tell her more. It's only 3 hours per class per week I think and at GCSE level. It's a compromise. My SIL also has a friend who works for the local voluntary HQ and she said she will find out what organisations need some voluntary help. I'm not sure if a 16 year old can do voluntary work though? Does she have to be 18? She says she will listen to what people have to say. I won't force her into anything, she's had a rough time and we have a mutual respect and trust that I will not ruin for anything.

ManOnTheMoon

scruffy96uk wrote: »

MotM Hello and welcome another man to join us ladies and bruno:rotfl:I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said but wow your doing a grand job with 7 girlies!!!!

Thanks

Use the term 'man' loosely. Bringing up all girls, i'm not as masculine as I once was :rotfl:

ManOnTheMoon

redmel1621 wrote: »

Hi MOTM - I also want to echo what others have said...you are doing a great job! Even if all you mange to do is keep them fed and in clean clothes!!! Although it sounds like you achieve much more than that:D

I would say that yes it is very important to be open and honest with them, but don't feel you have to tell them everything you are thinking too. Obviously you will want to meet someone in the future, but feel free to keep this bit of information to yourself, not to hide it from them, just so it is not brought out in the open regularly otherwise they will look at every woman as a threat.... just emphasise the importance of friendships both male and female. Also, I don't know if you have any male friends, but maybe try and stick with making friends with men first, that way they will get used to you having non-threatening friendships first and will hopefully make them feel a bit more at ease about you going out etc..

With the college part of your query, all I can think is to encourage her to go part-time by showing how little of her time the course will take up and that she will still have plenty of time to help you out.

Mel x

Fed, clean clothes and they help with the chores........result! :rotfl:

I don't really talk about moving on with them. They know i'll want too, I think they are trying to keep me all to themselves for as long as possible.

I don't really have male friends. I used too, but once the kids started coming, the old routines stopped and the same for them, they moved on with their families and lives. I know one or two, but only to be polite. The real helpful ones are female and my girls are okay with them as they are my sister in law and the others are also married with children. They don't see them as a threat as I have know them for years.

Apart from that, i'm far from being a great catch, but kids don't see that do they?

As posted, we have talked about college etc and we'll see what happens Monday now

ManOnTheMoon

ladybirdintheuk wrote: »

oh, MOTM - one other suggestion. If she doesn't want to go to college "propper" this year, perhaps you could insist that at the very least she does an extra gcse or a self study course or something as an evening course to keep her brain in "learning" mode. I speak from experience when I say it is hard to go back to college after a break! (You can tell her I said so and all )

Well the GCSE evening classes are now an option. Her friend is doing both Sociology and Psychology, so she'll have a friend and will be studying less than she was when at school.

I hope for good news next week! She changes her mind more than most though, so I await her saying no way again.

Sami_Bee

tiamai_d wrote: »

Grrrr! I fed the grubber for 30mins then gave her 30mls EBM and thought her settled, but no, screaming again! She can't still be hungry?! I swear my boobs are empty. Another 40mls in the fridge, will give her that and hope she sleeps.

This breast feeding is hard work.

It gets better I promise!
Are you in bed? if not then get yo booty to bed, just feed, sleep n don't forget to keep fluids up xxx

ManOnTheMoon wrote: »

Thanks

Use the term 'man' loosely. Bringing up all girls, i'm not as masculine as I once was :rotfl:

anyone else imagining a sort of Mrs doubtfire character? :rotfl:
I'm so glad my best mummy friends have girls so I can still mix with girlies, having 2 boys I worry it'll all be sweaty grubby games and sport :eek::p
I'm more a shopping and glitter gal

ManOnTheMoon

Becles wrote: »

Wow - that's a handful! Well done for doing all that you do for them.



I know how you feel, as I'm really independant but you have to sometimes let other people help. It gives you a break and other people like helping out.



I've been in your shoes as a single parent to two boys. I couldn't have coped with a full time job and still had time to do housework and be a mother. I don't think you're a sponger.



I think it's best to stop worrying about that for the time being and cross that bridge when you come to it so to speak. If you're not looking at the moment, wait until you feel ready to meet someone before talking about it with the girls.



I would play on the longer term outloook. As the other girls grow, they become less and less dependant on you (and her!) as they manage to start doing chores for themselves. In a few years time when the little ones have finished being "mothered", she's going to be stuck fighting for jobs against people with qualifications and experience. I would encourage her to go to college so she's got something to help her look for a job later. You could also talk about income too. Once she gets to 18, you'll not get any child benefits for her, and she'll have no income coming in. She'll need to get a job then to bring some income in to cover the benefits you will lose.



At least people don't automatically assume you are Vicky Pollard I know how you feel as I went through the stigma thing too. Stick around - we're a friendly bunch and we'll look after you

I think this thread will be good for you where you can just chill out and talk about parenty type stuff. We're not cliquey, and everyone is welcome to just chat, rant, share special moments or post anything really.

The two really good friends I have want to help out all the time. It's not just myself that doesn't like the help. The eldest wants to take on some of the roles that her mother failed her in, such as looking after her sisters and she's learning how to cook etc. Whilst the reasons she's doing them are wrong, she is developing her skills and whereas at first she felt responsible for doing these things as the eldest, she now really enjoys cooking, which pleases me, as she doesn't find many things enjoyable.

I feel guilty about not earning enough without help from the government. I would hate for my girls to see me as a failure. I put all the money into them and the home. I don't even remember the last time I bought myself anything other than the clothes on my back and the food on my plate. That's not because I don't have the money. Every penny I save, is saved for a rainy day.

Well, i'm not looking, but I still 'look' if you get what I mean? I still have emotions about being loved, wanted and cared for in a romantic way. Whilst not actively looking, I am open to it, but I know it's not possible. I will worry about it, if it ever becomes an issue. It would be nice to have someone that I cared for and the girls liked having around.

She's not long 16, so 18 is a while away. We now have the college option, to keep her in the loop and the possibility of some voluntary. We had a nice talk tonight and she seemed positive. I have to reassure her alot though, but don't want to say the wrong thing, Whilst saying an encouraging thing, I don't want it to come over as pressure.

The male Vicky Pollard. You know, i've never seen that.

I look forward to posting