MSE Parents Club Part 4

SusanC_2

ladybirdintheuk wrote: »

The ring sling I ordered turned up this morning, so I'm going to give it a trial run when we go to the supermarket later. I'm waiting in for my scanner though. It is meant to be coming this morning. I hope they hurry up, as I have a friend coming for lunch, and I have an idea of what to cook that involves an aubergine, and I don't have an aubergine... i suppose I can always get him to pick one up on his way here. (I have leftover lemon rice, indian potato salad and egg from lunch at my mums yesterday, so I thought a bit of curry to go with it would go down a treat )

Do you have a Lidl? Aubergines are 39p. I just got a load along with peppers, courgettes and tomatoes. Lots of ratatouille in our house soon.

Millie's_Mum

Thats great news Caz, you already sound much brighter.

Took Ello to baby clinic today in spite of walking out in disgust last time, she has put on 9oz in two weeks so now she weighs 11lb 9oz shes 22 weeks so she is still diddy really but I had a sensible HV for once who said she seems fine and maybe she will just be tall and thin like my other little girl!

I've been saying for weeks that they would get off my back if OH took her to be weighed cos he is really skinny.

Buttonmoons

Bruno - Think DD had two 1 hr naps during the day and went to her bed about 8:30pm, and slept till about the same the next day.

Well my Leeds festival early bird tickets arrived (I sold them on ebay, as the festival all fell to bits when people backed out!) so I have to make a trip to the post office which I loathe, doesn't help I need a hijab to cover my spots, why do I always get one right beside my lip? It hurts to open my mouth!

I hope no-one trys to rip me off, I'm sending it recorded delivery, so do I just keep the slips they give me back to prove I sent them? I need that money out the paypal to pay my council tax haha, but I daren't touch it incase someone trys to be fly!

Keira had another poop in her bedtime nappy, really sick of OH's lack of involvement, she kept getting up and he put her back to bed as I was in the bath, now how could he not smell she had a poop? I told him to check and he said she hadn't, well when I checked on her before bed, I could smell it straight away. He's really getting on my nerves lately, it's just one excuse after another with him.

RANT -

He snores, badly, and if it's not snoring it's a REALLY annoying whistling noise, and then he smacks his lips when he's sleeping and it makes my blood boil. Fair enough he says it's from the dust at work but I don't know how many times I've to tell him, to go get some nasal spray or SOMETHING. Does he? No. So I'm the one who can't sleep and he then comes home and is like
"Oh why are YOU tired, I'm the one who's been working all day" Makes me wanna scream!

That's not all, he's quick enough to tell me things like "Oh you need to get Keira off the dummy" "You don't take her out enough" "She needs to be potty trained before nursery" "Her eating still isn't better, you have to give her different things"

I DO! I try with every single thing, but I'm not a miracle woman! I can't make her give up every single thing or change things all at once! Don't see why it should be all me anyways? Last time I checked Keira had TWO parents, so why does everything fall to me? Fair enough I don't work, but why should I be expected TO DO EVERY SINGLE THING?

He's one to talk anyways, if I go for a nap or whatever, he will feed her the chicken nuggets, which I've been trying not to give her, because it's quick and easy for him you see, and he falls asleep when he's supposed to be watching her, and one time she drank that air freshner stuff you get with the sticks out of it, and then he will give in and give her a nappy when she starts her carrying on etc.

I mean, I don't take her to the park etc enough, I know that, but how can I when the house is in such an effin state that I couldn't bare to go out and know I'd have to come back to that mess? I cook every single night for him, and only the other day the dishes had piled up and he grudgingly done them and he said "Ok whoever cooks, the other does the dishes so it doesn't pile up" Ok that sounds fine, except he never does them. He is "too tired" so yet again there is a pile of dishes, the floors need swept, Keira's toys all need organised back into the proper boxes as otherwise she doesn't bother to play with them, hoovered, beds changed etc etc. My house is crap anyways, nothing really matches and the best room of the house is Keira's. I do TRY and keep it clean to the best of my ability, I'm no domestic goddess but I really hate mess! He comes from a family of Mr Trebus', last time I was there, there was slug trails on the loo roll !!!!!!, I stood on a staple last time too! I will cook a meal that HE ASKED FOR, and then leave his plate on the floor, for what? Does it belong there? NO IT DOESNT. I had to pick it up this morning, and bits of his garlic bread had been stomped into the carpet, probably by him this morning, and he undresses as he goes through the house, so I have socks and boxers etc to pick up. DO THEY BELONG THERE? NO!

I really feel like giving up, like what is the point in doing it over and over for it to be the same the next day? I don't even care about Keira's mess, she's a child, he should know better.

I could understand if he was tired for a reason but he isn't, it's that F****** PS3 AGAIN, it's all he does, been many an argument about that, and yet he insists he doesn't play it much. Im sorry but from about 7/8pm onwards he is on that or dashing between his PC on his gaming forums, until about 1pm. Now he has to get up at 5:45am. But obviously he is deluded and "NO I'm tired because you woke me up because I was snoring" BLAH BLAH BLAH

I'd love nothing more than to throw that thing out the window. So effing tired of being a mug, he doesn't take me out anywhere and when he offers it's always crap or somethig he wants to do like STAR TREK movie, I dont even like that so why would I wanna go pay to watch a crap movie of it?

I gave up my Leeds festival because of money issues, I didn't think we could afford it (I obviously have to juggle all the bills and keep note of everything because he is incapable) but he didn't even OFFER to give up his Rockness one, no,no, he's always bloody first. It's a good job I won rockness tickets and managed to sell them before he went otherwise I'd of been skint! He goes out with his mates to watch the football at pubs (which I don't mind!) but what I do mind is him buying rounds of drinks for his mates, mates, THEY ARENT HIS FRIENDS!! He gets ideas in his head and MUST DO IT! Like he took up marathon running and he did do two races, but has he done anything since? No, has he even went for a run? No. That's a months rent wasted on all that crap he bought as it WAS ESSENTIAL, and now he's jabbering on about buying a kayak with his friends.

I don't get time to do anything that I WANT. He says he doesn't stop me, I could go blah blah blah, how could I possibly arrange to have something, when his lazyness or events in his life take up all the time? Footballs on Tues, Pub on Wed, Oh but comedy club is tonight blah blah, and he always asks me to go, but when shall I do with Keira? Stick her in a goddamn burlap? He's a !!!!!!!g clueless idiot.

The only places I ever go is Doctors, opticians, town, Asda or my mums house, and whenever I go to my mums, I get a phonecall whinging down the phone, WHERES MY DINNNNNNNER. I tell him to go cook something, nope no way, he gets himself a takeaway.

I really will do a midnight bunk, sick of the arguements caused by this, he blames it all on me calling me lazy, well maybe I am a bit but I do a lot more than him and at least I'm not selfish enough to be spending all the leftover money on things for myself.


ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH

He thinks he's above my family aswell, ok they are quite scummy, but at least they don't live in a house that resembles chernobyl.

Oh and he doesn't like my cats either, keeps saying he wants to get rid of them, I'd sooner get rid of him before the cats went, at least they only make a mess in one room.

BrunoM

Gosh Buttons, that all sounds pretty dreadful are there any good things to count against the list of bad?

Does he know how strongly you feel? Are there any smaller/easier things on that list that could change with a bit of a push (I dunno, bring home some nasal spray/nose strips and make him use them at bedtime? or whatever )

Keep ranting at us here, but also just see if there's any things that can change without massive drama maybe?

redmel1621

Oh wow Buttons, that looks like you have been storing all that up for a while:(
I don't know what to say really....
I can actually relate to a lot of what you are saying there esp re..the PS3 and the spending whims...also the cooking/cleaning BUT I won't rant on as I probably won't stop, and I am meant to be trying to give you some support not start rambling on about my issues.

Is there any way you can write a letter to him, explaining about how you feel, as I know from experience, if you try and talk it will only end up in an argument;)

Mel x

Buttonmoons

He has his good points, otherwise he wouldn't be here. He's a good dad and a good partner when he can manage to turn the PS3 off.

Thing is Bruno, he never does anything for himself. I don't want to buy him the nasal spray, because then yet again it's me who has to do everything. He's the one who complains about his stuffy nose.
He finally got around to doing this theory driving test, and now he needs lessons, has he booked them no. He wants me to book them for him, now how/why should I do that? Surely he should do it himself. "BOOK ME 10 LESSONS" Now, why would you waste that, you may not even like the driving instructor?

He can't fill in forms, or make a phone call either, "Your so much better than meeeeee" Oh whatever!

The letter sounds a good idea, though I can't see it doing any good, lived together for 3years and had the same argument repeatedly and he's never changed yet!

redmel1621

It sounds as if the nasal spray would benefit you as well though, if his snoring/whistling is keeping you awake.
Could you also have a rule where you both agree to turn off all computers/consoles at say 9/10pm and settle down together to watch something...This is what we do....It doesn't always happen but a few times a week does.
Also regards the mess how about 'gentle' reminders like "do you know you've left your plate/socks/boxers on the floor"....then later, "you're things are still on the floor someone might trip over them" etc. etc.. he might eventually get the message!!

AND I would definitely get yourself out of the house, go to the park/shop/walk whatever, screw the mess...to be honest getting out and then coming back in might make you feel a bit fresher and more able to tackle tidying up...and make it a game with Keira - get her to carry bits and put them away, or let her hoover(with you helping) and maybe just try to tackle one room at a time...It is not going to solve everything, but it sounds as though you need to start small and build up, also give you dh one job at a time...so say washing up to start and after a couple of weeks give him another job, maybe he's in charge of bin emptying or something?? I know it sounds stupid to some people f or me to recommend these steps - but this is kind of what I have had to do over the years....dh now does most of his 'jobs' without me having to mention....haha it's only taken 14yrs!!

searching_me

:grouphug: button you sound like you need one ... just spent the last 2 hours looking for new songs to listen on the train to london tomorrow only found 8 songs i liked oh well better then nowt ... my little boy doesnt seem very happy today hes very whingy and druling alittle maybe its his teeth either way i want my baby giggle back x

sparkle03

Buttonmoons wrote: »

He has his good points, otherwise he wouldn't be here. He's a good dad and a good partner when he can manage to turn the PS3 off.

Thing is Bruno, he never does anything for himself. I don't want to buy him the nasal spray, because then yet again it's me who has to do everything. He's the one who complains about his stuffy nose.
He finally got around to doing this theory driving test, and now he needs lessons, has he booked them no. He wants me to book them for him, now how/why should I do that? Surely he should do it himself. "BOOK ME 10 LESSONS" Now, why would you waste that, you may not even like the driving instructor?

He can't fill in forms, or make a phone call either, "Your so much better than meeeeee" Oh whatever!

The letter sounds a good idea, though I can't see it doing any good, lived together for 3years and had the same argument repeatedly and he's never changed yet!

Buttons sounds like it has all come tumbling out today hun, I know this wont help you much right now, but it does all sound like typical man/boy things to do. (apart from bruno) They dont actually realise just how much they are winding us up with all the little things they do. I know its hard, I think your about my age? (23) My OH is 27 nearly 28 and sometimes I feel as if I have three children :rotfl: I have changed him though No just joking, Tom is brilliant but we have had our issues with all of the things you mentioned. We sat and rather than argued we talked and I told him how much all these little things get me down. Tom has a great job and earns good money and then I have my own small business working from home which gets me by but as I only work a few hours and he is full time then Im kind of seen as the housewife, which I dont have a problem with, I dont mind doing the cooking, cleaning, washing and everything else also the lions share of the childcare. But I started to feel a bit taken for granted when I was having to take his dirty plates to the kitchen, pick his clothes up from all around the house instead of just getting them from the laundry basket blah blah you know the story. So I told him straight that we were a family and I wasnt his personal cook and cleaner and if he doesnt do his share which is small then I wont be doing his washing, cooking cleaning oh I may have also let him know I wouldnt be fulfilling my wifely bedroom duties either. Lol I think it was a mix of that and him feeling really bad cos he just hadnt realised but we got to where we are now and were both really happy, sorry not trying to rub it in....just saying you can get there. Try not to expect too much from him at first and go for the change one thing approach! Good luck

ETA Oh yeah I forgot (((hugs)))

money_maker_3

Buttonmoons wrote: »

I don't even think I got a 6 week check for me?!! I remember getting my height taken and that's about it. Is that with a health visitor? Cause I never seen a midwife at 6weeks, I got a letter about a smear, which I threw in the bin.

I got a smear at the hospital about 2weeks after I had DD, as had to go back in, I believe the sample wasn't good though, I really should go for another but the woman who did it had a cold and sneezed as she clamped me, bear in mind my womb was already knackered from the infection. I was crying my eyeballs out. EVILS I TELL YA!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GET A SMEAR !!!
I know we are giving you :grouphug: at the min for your OH ( I am too BTW) but I just feel really strongly about this. No one else left a comment about it after you osted last night, but I have had 2 cancer scares - the last one resulting in me getting the majority of my cervix removed from my smears !! One of my best friends didnt go for a smear for 5 years as she didnt see the point, and had a hysterectomy 4 years ago as she had cevical cancer at 29. You have no idea how important they are whether you like them or not - sorry if that sounds blunt but I really do think that cervical cancer would be a far less widespread disease if we all had regular checks and could get sorted as soon as there are any changes.