The giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread! Part 4

TIME2GROWUP_2

Lovely news FH.. see the power of positive thinking obviously works with all the positive vibes flowing from this thread...

Now guys can you do it for me...

I NEED TO WIN THE LOTTERY...

Ready.... now go..........................................................:D

happyshopper

jo1972 wrote: »

HS, does your 'chap' drink alot? Reason I say this is because it's an addicts nature to get people that are abstaining back in the fold. This is very true with smokers, when ever you give up smoking you'll always find smoking 'friends' blowing smoke in your face and saying 'are you sure you don't want one?'. And it's true with drinkers, just like you've experienced, when you say you're not drinking we feel as though we need an excuse like 'I'm on antibiotics' or 'I'm driving' or 'I'm pregnant' (:eek:) to stop people asking why you're not drinking and why you shouldn't 'just have the one'.

Just wondered, didn't want to pry (well actually I did ).

Thanks Jo. He is a smoker (yuck!) but I wouldn't say he's a big boozer. He can easily go for ages without touching a drop, but if he's in the mood, he wants loads and he'll want me to join him and no reason I give not to is good enough. I drink much less than I used to before I met him so he thinks I don't have a problem and am being a spoilsport whereas I feel much healthier and happier when I don't drink. Will have another go at explaining it to him. He's actually quite splendid otherwise so will get there in the end I hope.

On another note, am finding it very difficult to be sober at social occasions as am excrutiatingly shy and feel really boring and awkward and am liable not to speak at all without a drink inside me, but it's something I'm going to have to work on I suppose. Perhaps I need a v. cool party trick.

btw Jo your rubbish dump story is horrific. If that had been me and knowing my luck, I'd have been showered in maggots rather than shredded paper. :eek:

And people, people, pleeeeeeeeeeease stop quoting those freaky eyes, it's too discombobulating.

HS

gien

Jo, the BB post was the most confusing thing I've read in a long while, who are these people and why do they want to be on the telly???

I am feeling OK about tonight - we do have alcohol in the house - mailnly spirits and cooking type stuff but also a bottle of wine. SO long as the wine isn't open it's easier and I have never been a one for spirits really (an occasional whiskey or Gand T).

Sam, I sympathise and have been in the same place so many times. Draw a line under it and resolve not to go there again and even if you do slip a little, try not to beat yourself up about it.
Caz, thanks of ryou thoughtful replies and sharing your AA experience with us - I am sure that AA is a fantastic organisation.

I am goign to keep busy now until the danger time has passed - that's practically bedtime so boy and I going to get a lot done!
I really do need to have a break from booze - I look and feel really old and tired and I am convinced that drinking, even a little, is contributing.

graemecarter

jo1972 wrote: »

As much as I do love a Bitburger, I am not going to replace beer with fake beer, I think maybe that's been previous downfalls for me....It leads me into a false sense of security and makes me feel like I'm missing summat

I feel the same on this issue.
I need beer and old behaviours out of my life. Fake beer is too much of a trigger I imagine, so I'd rather not risk trying it.

Each to their own however. Whatever works for may not work for another

graemecarter

happyshopper wrote: »

Morning all

14 days AF now, can't remember when last had an entirely AF bank holiday but am starting to waver. Big problem yesterday when 'the chap' (am allergic to saying 'OH' or 'BF', *shudder*. Commitment issues, moi? :rolleyes:) wanted me to go to the pub with him and was then v disappointed that I wasn't drinking and tried to make me have a pint as penance for something hurtful that I did to him on Sunday (for which I had already apologised and made amends). He knows I'm not drinking at the moment but he thinks I don't have a problem with alcohol and am ruining his fun. Is that fair? I didn't cave, but it rather put a downer on what had been a nice day together. I think it's going to be difficult on an ongoing basis. What does one do?


HS

Not fair at all - if the roles were reversed would you behave like that?? I think not.

Stick to your guns - he either supports you or he doesn't, but whatever he does you don't have to drink. While he may try and get you to drink, you are the one who pours it down your throat.
I know me (and other alcoholics) spent many years people pleasing, and that often meant drinking when I didn't really want to to placate others and keep them company. I don't do that any more. They can find someone else to drink with

barshamhillbilly

graemecarter wrote: »

I feel the same on this issue.
I need beer and old behaviours out of my life. Fake beer is too much of a trigger I imagine, so I'd rather not risk trying it.

Each to their own however. Whatever works for may not work for another

I know exactly where you are coming from GC.
It's obviously not working for me, but guess its better than nothing

Fingers crossed - will get there in the end

graemecarter

happyshopper wrote: »

Thanks Jo. He is a smoker (yuck!) but I wouldn't say he's a big boozer. He can easily go for ages without touching a drop, but if he's in the mood, he wants loads and he'll want me to join him and no reason I give not to is good enough. I drink much less than I used to before I met him so he thinks I don't have a problem and am being a spoilsport whereas I feel much healthier and happier when I don't drink. Will have another go at explaining it to him. He's actually quite splendid otherwise so will get there in the end I hope.

On another note, am finding it very difficult to be sober at social occasions as am excrutiatingly shy and feel really boring and awkward and am liable not to speak at all without a drink inside me, but it's something I'm going to have to work on I suppose. Perhaps I need a v. cool party trick.

btw Jo your rubbish dump story is horrific. If that had been me and knowing my luck, I'd have been showered in maggots rather than shredded paper. :eek:

And people, people, pleeeeeeeeeeease stop quoting those freaky eyes, it's too discombobulating.

HS

I feel shy, awkward, quiet and boring, however my friends tell me I am not, and evidence suggests that people do not deliberately avoid me.
That is my alcoholism, and it wants me to pick up a drink to be 'interesting'.
I don't listen to it any more. My feelings of inadequacy are nothing to do with alcohol, but my character. I don't use drink any more to mask those feelings, and now can be the real me, which is fearful, socially awkward, and not the life and soul.

That's ok though - I am fed up of being someone that I am not, and find life much easier being true to myself.
If I get bored at a party I go home now - why hang around?


Do you think drunk people are interesting at parties? Or would you rather talk to someone not drunk?

winebox

Different_Corner wrote: »

In my fridge there is a bottle of Moet ! my dear late ever optimistic hubby put it in there for that 'special occasion' I shall one day honour his wishes.

Gosh. I find that really moving; esp the fact it's in the fridge "ready" not tucked away in a cupboard.
I do hope the occasion will come along, soon.

miamoo

GC you make some very good points.
I am having a really crap day, I don't even know why, I just feel fed up. I've been the pub with DD for dinner and had a nice time, had a toasted cheese sandwich and a orange squash and as soon as I walked back into the house I felt completely fed up. Its not even about wanting a drink, I never drink in the day, but I know that being "fed up" will be a good excuse for a drink tonight:mad:

ForeverHopeful_3

graemecarter wrote: »

I feel shy, awkward, quiet and boring, however my friends tell me I am not, and evidence suggests that people do not deliberately avoid me.
That is my alcoholism, and it wants me to pick up a drink to be 'interesting'.
I don't listen to it any more. My feelings of inadequacy are nothing to do with alcohol, but my character. I don't use drink any more to mask those feelings, and now can be the real me, which is fearful, socially awkward, and not the life and soul.

That's ok though - I am fed up of being someone that I am not, and find life much easier being true to myself.
If I get bored at a party I go home now - why hang around?


Do you think drunk people are interesting at parties? Or would you rather talk to someone not drunk?

Oh wow, that is amazing advice GC. I think I need to print that out and read it whenever I have one of those inadequate moments, of which there are many

HS~just like GC said and you before I also feel like I NEED to drink to be more 'interesting', less shy blah blah blah. Not in everyday life, such as the office. Although even here I wish I could have more confidence in myself. Even if I know the answers to questions or have an idea I will rarely if ever speak up because I think I'm not worthy. I often find that people take over from me even if I was asked the work question in the first place. They are louder and more confident than me, so I just give up trying.

I have plenty of friends who I feel super confident with and loved for who I am. But there are loads of instances where I feel like a little mouse.

Much love X