Taking the plunge - first baby

Wondering80_2

Hi all,

I am a current user but have adopted a new user name for this post. I wanted to post this as the people on here always give such thoughtful advice.

I am in my late twenties and OH is 30. We have decided to trying for our first baby, we are both certain we want children and we don't want to wait until we are in our mid-thirties to start our family.

The trouble is that now the actual trying is due to start I have got cold feet and I can't work out if my reservations are geniune or if I and just frightened of the big step we are about to take.

Financially we are in a very good position with a good joint income, both our jobs are private sector, but reasonably secure. We have around 30k in savings and redundancy insurance so I am not worried about money.

My two big concerns are:

1) We only have a one bed flat, whilst it is big enough for a baby, a small child is different, so we will be taking a gamble on the housing market picking up so we can move (currently in negative equity) OR using our savings to buy our way out of the negative equity if things don't improve. The area we live in very desirable and prices have held up fairly well - so recovery could be a possibility within 2 years. If anyone has any experience of rasing children in limited space I'd love to hear them.

2) Am I ready to give my social life and freedoom? I go out a lot, for dinner/drinks/shows and enjoy that freedoom. Does everyone feel like this? Are you ever 100% sure that now is the right time?

I'd be grateful for anyone's thoughs on either point. I feel really torn between wanting to have a family and my old life. I know I could decide to wait 1 or 2 years but I think my fears re point 2 will be the same so I am wondering how normal they are.

Thanks in advance :-)

elljay20

when i had my dd we lived in a tiny chalet on a cliff!!!! we had no probles adjusting and we stayed there untill she was 1. we only moved because we got the offer of lager accomodation and i don't remember having any concerns about moving because of space.
it's a big step but your lucky that you are in a very secure financial position. Go for it, having my daughter was the best thing i ever did and a price could not be put on it!

wes_cov

Totally normal!

If you didn't have lots of reservations and worries about bring a new life into this world you would in my opinion be a little iresponsible

remember babies did ok in caves years ago otherwise we wouldn't all be here so don't worry about it the more room you have the more Junk you collect anyway

weezl74

would the rental value of your flat allow you to let it out and rent something with 2 bedrooms while you pay enough of the mortgage to get back into a positive equity situation?

elljay20

weezl74 wrote: »

would the rental value of your flat allow you to let it out and rent something with 2 bedrooms while you pay enough of the mortgage to get back into a positive equity situation?

oh my god your avatar is making me broody!!!!!!:eek:

3onitsway

Wondering80 wrote: »

Hi all,

I am a current user but have adopted a new user name for this post. I wanted to post this as the people on here always give such thoughtful advice.

I am in my late twenties and OH is 30. We have decided to trying for our first baby, we are both certain we want children and we don't want to wait until we are in our mid-thirties to start our family.

The trouble is that now the actual trying is due to start I have got cold feet and I can't work out if my reservations are geniune or if I and just frightened of the big step we are about to take.

Financially we are in a very good position with a good joint income, both our jobs are private sector, but reasonably secure. We have around 30k in savings and redundancy insurance so I am not worried about money.

My two big concerns are:

1) We only have a one bed flat, whilst it is big enough for a baby, a small child is different, so we will be taking a gamble on the housing market picking up so we can move (currently in negative equity) OR using our savings to buy our way out of the negative equity if things don't improve. The area we live in very desirable and prices have held up fairly well - so recovery could be a possibility within 2 years. If anyone has any experience of rasing children in limited space I'd love to hear them. They don't take up a lot of space - but the stuff that comes with them does! Whats your living space like - have you got space for a ton of baby equipment/toys/pram/highchair etc to be there without it driving you or OH insane?
Its recommended that your baby stays in your room for the first year anyway - ours will be, then she'll be sharing with her big sister unless something dramatic happens and we can afford 4 bedrooms!

2) Am I ready to give my social life and freedoom? I go out a lot, for dinner/drinks/shows and enjoy that freedoom. Does everyone feel like this? Are you ever 100% sure that now is the right time? What does OH think about this bit? I had my first at 26 and me & (ex)OH had enjoyed 6+ years of fun and doing what we wanted when we wanted. After DS was born, I was quite happy to be staying in (Mum or Sis would babysit about once a month), but (ex)OH carried on with the life we'd enjoyed before but without me. :mad: This is one of the main reasons as to why he's now my Ex! It wasn't the loss of freedom that was hard for me - but I had a building resentment that OH's life carried on as normal.

I'd be grateful for anyone's thoughs on either point. I feel really torn between wanting to have a family and my old life. I know I could decide to wait 1 or 2 years but I think my fears re point 2 will be the same so I am wondering how normal they are.

Thanks in advance :-)

As has been said before, it's good that you're thinking this through now.
I've just had my third at 37 - and I must say i'm finding it a lot easier this time round. But, I don't know whether thats because i've done it before, or because i'm older and wiser, or because i've got a fantastic OH who's happy being home with the children, or because we're just to old to be ar%ed with going out now! :rotfl:

Wondering80_2

Thanks for your comments so far - Weez174 - sadly our lender won't let us rent our flat out unless we have "a reason to return" meaning we can only rent it on a temporary basis - such as being called away for work. The rent wouldn't be greater than mortagage, although we could afford to pay the shortfall. Their inflexibility is frustrating.

Pee

I live in a one bed flat, although with room for extension (it's in the middle of the country and the downstairs could be converted), and I want to have a baby and think that we would manage - and that it would be a better start than the alternative which is buy a house and end up stretching ourselves to pay the mortgage. (The rent where we are is very low, meaning living on one salary will be an option.)

Sometimes when I'm out I think I couldn't do this if I have a baby and I see friends struggling to spend time as a couple once they have children. I know that I won't have much support other than my boyfriend.

I also know that I really want to have a child with my boyfriend. I also wish that I hadn't waited quite so long to meet the right man and be ready for this decision, as I'm 35 now.

Wondering80_2

3onitsway - we have enough storage for baby stuff and space at the end of our bed for a cot. We have loads of clutter than can be cleared out easily. OH is perfectly happy to stay in all the time, he'd only want the occasaional night to see a film or friend. it's me who worries about giving up my social life. To be honest he'd happily babysit if I wanted the odd night out with friends.

VeraP

I am expecting my first baby at the moment (also born 1980 so same age as you), we live in a large one bed in London, have enough money for deposit once the market gets more stable. We regularly declutter, dont buy unneccessary stuff for the baby (moses basket, bath stand, etc). We hope to manage until the baby is about 9 months and then move somewhere bigger.

bryanb

I imagine that many of those you socialise with already have babies? Have they given up on the dinner/drinks/ shows? Baby sitters are fairly easy to arrange amongst friends and family. Your social life will obviously be different to your current lifestyle, but you will form new friendships with people in similar positions.
Life moves on, don't be the family at 40 wishing they had children. I notice you said "first child", clearly there is the possibility of more in the future. Think ahead regarding your ages when later children are growing up.