Taking the plunge - first baby

Pee

I'd be more worried about being overstretched financially and having to go back to work sooner than I would like and earning money just to pay a child minder than space. Although the bigger house that you want might be cheaper now that it will be when the housing market picks up...

minnie123

I waas born in 1980 too and BF is in his thirties we had a baby last year he is just over 1 now. I knew I wanted kids and we planned it but when I got pregnant of course I got scared about giving things up and felt the cold feet thing. When he was first born I did feel a bit trapped but I was suffering from PND and so that was the main reason why. Now I think he is amazing and the best thing to ever happen to us - I look at the people that are still living the lifestyle of a 20yr old and quite frankly I view them as a bit sad. I still go out with my mates just not as much but i'm too tired to go out as much anyway. Tonight they are all just popping round mine for some food and drink. Baby goes to bed at 6.30 so we have all evening to ourselves. I suppose the major change is you can't do things on a whim you have to plan more.

As for space we have a tiny 2 bed house and we could probably stay here forever if we wanted to. He actually stayed in our room until he was 9 months old because I didn't want him to go into his own room. You can make it work ifd you want to.

I would go for it because it's the best thing in the world.

maybebaby80

Lots of great advice here but thought I would add my experience (so far!).

Was also born in 1980, OH is 30 this year, married for 3 years, big mortgage and both work. We had thought for a while about trying but don't think I seriously thought it would happen! We kinda thought we would stop trying not too iykwim! 6 weeks later I was pregnant - couldn't believe it!

Am very happy though, however sometimes get worried that my life is going to change so much, love being young and free, love my job and the holidays etc. Everyone says it will be hard work and will change my life but it will be the best thing we ever do - I hope they are right!

My advice is to try not to over think it - as another poster said it is a huge decision and not one to take lightly but if you are sure you want to go there at some point, are fairly financially secure and there is nothing to stop you doing it, then just go ahead and stop trying not too and see what happens!!!

Good luck! x

SusanC_2

Wondering80 wrote: »

I suppose part of what is bothering me is what our friends and family will say - they are the type of people to think we should be in a three bed house with a garden before thinking about kids. It feels like a long time since I had make any kind of decision, been in the same job for five years and the same flat for three. It's good point about the subsequent kids, we do want more than one so waiting years and years to start trying would be silly.

Do people find they can sleep with baby in the same room? some of friends say this is impossible so they moved baby out.

As long as you are happy with your situation, it doesn't matter what other people think. I would think most people are more likely to say something if they think they can change your mind so if you don't tell people you are TTC but just tell them when you are actually pregnant then I would think they are less likely to give their negative opinions as it's too late to change your mind.

On sleeping in the same room, if you are in a one bed flat then I would think your living room must be as close to your room as another bedroom would be so if you did find you needed/wanted to have the baby in a separate room, you could always pop him in there when you went to bed.

With regards to "stuff" I find most of the space is stuff we are keeping for a future baby so if you didn't have space you could sell it on and repurchase next time. I believe if you're clever at buying and selling you can end up not having spent very much at all.

maggie_12

Hi Wandering80

My personal advice to you would be, if you want a baby, don't wait. Don't let anything talk you out of it. We could ALL be in better situations but a baby will give you the biggest meaning in life.

As a previous member said, you never know what problems you might have to face or how long it might take you to get pregnant so if you want a baby, don't delay.

My situation isn't the best. Debt, good paying job but all the money goes out the door, top floor flat.. etc etc. But I lost my mum a few months back and I have this overwhelming need to be a mum myself and I really wish she could be here when i do have my first baby. Me and OH have been trying since April and we are both so excited about the prospect of pregnancy.

Trust me, there will NEVER be a perfect time to start a family and even if it's as near to a perfect time, it won't always be perfect, life doesn't work like that. I say go for it and be excited knowing that you are working on the biggest event of your life, much bigger than a night out on the tiles with your pals or moving into a large home with an even larger mortgage.

Enjoy trying xx

emmalou_2

I was born in 1980 too and am 17 weeks pregnant....

Wondering80, i had this conversation with a good friend of mine last night who is going thru IVF yet is still completely worried that she loves her life right now and thinks she is too selfish to change the lifestyle... Having children is the start of a brand new lifestyle and it doesnt mean your life is completely over, you can still do the things you do now, just not as often, and you'll no doubt find, as you announce a pregnancy your friends will follow suit, so you'll be starting this brand new adventure in a new chapter of your life together!

I cant tell you what to do, cos i dont know you and i am not you, however i think you (we) are the perfect age to start a family, i think waiting until your older is not good for the children - just my opinion! and i think your housing issues will all work out in time and you should not worry about that right now, most new parents keep their children in their bedroom with them until they are at least 12 months.

I'm a 29 year old party animal, as was my 31 year old now ex-partner, i got caught pregnant whilst i was on the pill and we were completely devastated, ive come to terms with it now and am sooooooooo excited, he came to terms with it and upped and left haha, thats fine by me!!

it could take you years to get pregnant...I would go as far as to say that if this is what you are worried about, you are more than ready for children and just dealing with the normal worries of a parent to be.

tinkers

Imagine if you delayed your decision by a couple of years due to not feeling like you have enough room only to find you MAY have years of fertility problems ahead of you.....................think whey into the future and what would you be happier you had a child or children or big house because you left it too late to reproduce and time caught up with you???

tinkers

PS I was your age when I went for it and similar to you not many of my friends did it though and I am now on second and they are still not ready due to social life etc...........I love my social life too you do find a way to go out. Our parents aren't exactly round the corner but with careful planning it can be done!!
And now we have fantastic arrangement with our 3 year old were mums I met and became friends with when she was born 3 years ago we are all having sleepovers for each others children where they go to friends house and sllep-they love it!!! (ie I call it a sleepeover but we get night out and lie in!!!)

GOOD LUCK xx

Wondering80_2

Thank you everyone for your comments and advice - they are all very helpful.
I think we might wait for the worst of the swine flu thing to be over, just to further complicate the decision! Your stories are all helpful and it is good to know other people worry about the same things xx

debtfreein4years

go for it and dont let swine flu affect any decision you make. if you wait for swine flu to be over there will be some other thing that might make you want to wait.

im 23 and my oh is 24 and we are going to be trying for a baby next year. we live in a small 2 bed rented house at the moment as we are trying to save for a house. im not working as i cant find a job and we are managing very well on just one wage. we have over 50K in the bank (mainly from an inheritance that also allowed us to clear debt) and are managing to save 1K a month whilst still having a decent life. we are not going to buy a house until we have a magic number in the bank that will allow us to have as small a mortgage as possible on our forever house. if we waited till we had the house that could be 5 years down the line so we might as well go for it now whilst we can as babies/small children dont take up much room, just need to watch the paraphanalia that you think you need but dont.

im not concerend about the social aspect of having a baby as i know that is what i want and i will adapt my social life to the baby plus thats babysitters are for. im more concered with the lack of support network we have here as my parents are 3 hours away and his are 8 hours away.