Taking the plunge - first baby

skintchick

I'm 34, OH is 42, we live in a small terraced house with one bedroom and a boxroom, and we are expecting our first child. The boxroom houses the baby stuff and the baby will sleep in our room. We feel we have plenty of space to accommodate a baby and even a toddler - next door have an 8yo and another baby on the way and live in the same space as us.

Personally, I'd say have your children while you're younger. I am aware of being 'old' and that OH is also 'old (sperm deteriorate after 40, eggs after 35).

The housing situation is manageable in terms of space, and financially you don't know if it will pick up sufficiently in the next few years for your situation (how much negative equity are we talking?).

Only you can decide, ultimately, but I'd say if children are what you want then don;t delay as you don;t know how long it will take to get pregnant or even whether you can.

Wondering80_2

I am not sure re negative euqity - probably about 15k - 20k worth at the moment. But I think prices are starting to recover in our area.

Wondering80_2

Forgot to congratulate those expectant mums who have replied on their babies - congrats!

skintchick

But it's quite possible prices won;t go back to where they were - I think in your calculations you need to be prepared to take a hit on that.

Just something else to consider really.

justmarried_2

First forum I've joined so sorry if posing a question to a question is not the done thing just thought it fit with Wondering80. Have to say ladies this is a whole new world to me, but I'm hopeful that you will collectively be able to solve all my problems. Ive just married my boyfriend of 9 years (I'm 30, he's 33) and we are starting to think we should start a family. However there are a few problems 1) I'm not sure I'm ready mentally - hate to say it but I think i'm too selfish and b) we live in london in a 2 bed flat miles from any family and thus 'support network'. My career is at a position that I could break off (although I want to move companies) and we earn a decent salary, although prob in negative equity. Help what should I do?

Wondering80_2

Hello justmarried - maybe we should form a support group? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Well you have an extra bedroom on me - is it big enough for a baby? This is what I mean by my dilema - am I ready to give it my life as I know it? how do you know when you're ready?

Nikabella

Wondering80, I'm 23 and my OH is 25 and we have a 2.5 year old DD. I was 21 when she was born & my OH was 23.

When we decided to try & get pregnant we thought it would probably take a year, as anything up to this is normal, and we had loads of time to adjust - 4 weeks later I was pregnant!

9 months later we had a beautiful DD and I can honestly say it was the best thing I have ever done. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. Before I had DD, I had a hectic social life and so many people would say to us you're so young, you're going to miss out on going clubbing etc all the time. For a start my hectic life is no less hectic now than it was before DD, now I have so many friends with children from the numerous baby classes we go to each week that our calendar is always full of invites. We socialise with our DD there and she gets to play with her friends. So we don't go out to clubs/pubs particularly anymore but whoever knew that Eureka and soft play centres could be so much fun!! DD has even been to see a ballet with us and loves going to the circus' and all sorts of things you would expect to be too old for her.

I have to admit we are lucky in as far that my parents are always calling begging to have our DD for the night, so we don't generally miss out on any special nights out and usually end up with 1 or 2 nights a month to do "grown up" things. Also, 3 of my close friends gave birth within 16 weeks of me so I have always had them to spend time with and DD has had their children to play with.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you won't loose your social life - it will just change.

We are currently trying to add to our family (only 4.5 weeks pregnant), we thought it would be as easy as last time. This time, it has taken a lot, lot longer and we have also suffered a miscarriage in between making the time even longer. Even if you decide you are ready tomorrow to TTC, it may not happen that way, it takes some people years to conceive and so you might have lots more time to enjoy your current social life. I think everyone probably has some reservations at any age about giving up their social life but you will have at least 9 months to adjust!

A.x

Nikabella

Sorry (that was a huge reply & I still) forgot to say that we only have a 2 bedroom house & although ideally I'd like 3/4 berooms before baby (hopefully) arrives, we will make do. People have always made do in time gone by, and for us it's more important that our children don't have a big age gap and that we aren't too old than that we have that extra bedroom.

alison6692

Having had our first baby in 2008 ( tried for 2 years to fall pregnant) I can say it was the hardest year of our lives - not without its rewards obviously but we did struggle.
On one hand I want to say to you - not time like the present but I also know that as much as we wanted our baby so much we were not prepared for the strain it would have on our relationship. Life is a million times better now ( and we have just gotten over the shock of me accidentally falling pregnant with number 2..eek).

I think a seperate bedroom is essential for you and for the baby so would maybe say wait until you have a 2 bedroom flat / house as I think that will keep you sane.

Good Luck with what ever you decide.

Chakani

I think almost everyone has similar concerns to you before starting a family - it's an enormous leap into the unknown, you know it's hard because everyone says so, but you don't really know where the hardship will be for you until you get there. Nikabella is right, you don't have to lose your social time, it just shifts around your baby.

We live with my MIL at the moment, so the 3 of us are living in one room (obviously with access to the rest of the house, but all our stuff and sleeping arrangements are in the one room), while we are looking to find our own house to buy. DS is now 8 months old, and very mobile. We don't really struggle for space, though it would be nice to have more - such stress as there is comes from sharing the house rather than lack of space.

For what it's worth, my own dad told me he'd thought I would be too impatient and selfish (he didn't use that word, but it's what he meant!) to be a good mum, but I absolutely love it, my priorities have shifted and I love being at home with my little boy - there's nothing like a bit of unconditional love and a true realisation of what sleep deprived means to make you a nicer person, apparently :S