21 yr old sons girlfriend is pregnant.

jacci45

Psst, dont quite understand, they have been together 14 weeks,she was on the pill but took a course of antibiotics.She can be moody(cant we all) and has dumped him twice but taken him back .They do love each other,are exclusive and are very happy about baby.he was very concerned about the arguments they were having and asked me for my advice but that was before he found out about the baby.There is no way he would leave her now..................................

ps they were going to move in together in October anyway.

redstararnie76

Hi,
Just wanted to add that I don't think it really matters how old your son is, it's natural to worry about him. I was 29 and had been with my partner for 3 years when I got pregnant and while his family were delighted, my parents' initial response was worry - could we afford it? could we cope? We could and we did and now we're planning a second child 4 years later. Although I think my mum is looking forward to it, she's also worried about our finances and our health! I think it's a natural concern, but you also need to keep it in check!

Dinah93

A baby is always a happy event, regardless of how it came into the world that little one is innocent of that. However like posters above I would query them getting a flat if he was thinking about breaking up with her, the baby is better to just be with its mum with a dad who visits regularly if both parents are happier that way, than with unhappy/arguing parents together out of responsibility.

madison's_mum

my sister and her bf had only been together for a month when she got pg (both 19) 5 years later they are still together and have had another 2 kids (5,3 and 1 now). My DD is 10 weeks older than their eldest, i had been with my then partner for 2 years and when i told my parents i was expecting they werent very enthusiastic but i think it was a bit of shock for them and once they got their head round the idea they were great

barnaby-bear

jacci45 wrote: »

Thanx for your replies,unfortunately there is no way we can help them financially towards a deposit,I think her mother is prepared to 'evict' her to help her get on council list.
My son does work,he earns about 19,000 a year but now he is renting himself has no money left at the end of the month and she has debts as well,he doesnt but just has no spare money.A one bedroomed flat round here is at least 650 per month.

thanks again,

xx

The affordability criteria for rental agencies is 30x monthly rent should be less than gross income - so they'll pass the criteria to rent privately; I suspect they'll get a bit of housing benefit (LHA) too ask on the benefits board. Many councils will offer a rent bond scheme and provide the deposit.

grannybiker

Jacci- please don't beat yourself up, or allow others to do so for being honest enough to express your valid concerns.
Yes, babies can be a blessing, but they're also darn hard work- a real make or break where (new ones especially,) relationships are concerned!
As you're finding, it doesn't get any easier as they get older either! If anything it's harder for you as you have no real influence / control over what happens.
It seems as if your son is prepared to accept full responsibility and isn't expecting everything handed to them on a plate. Good for them and I truly wish them well.
As others have pointed out, babies can be as cheap, or as expensive as you make them. Excellent condition clothing or equipment in charity shops, Freecycle, boot sales etc are excellent of examples of how folk often buy far too much for babies that gets little use.
Theynow need time and space to adjust to get to know each other properly before the massive changes that a new baby will inevitably bring.
You're allowed to be anxious and upset and, quite frankly, it's strange that her family appear so delighted. I'm sure, in reality, they're just as concerned, but are "Putting on a brave face" or "Being positive." It could well be the making of them as a couple and be the start of a long and happy relationship.
Best Wishes

bringmeshoes

my sister was 18 when she 1st got pregnant and she had gotten pregnant literally straight away, unfortunaltey she lost that baby but 11 years later she has 2 gorgeous kids and has been married to my bil for 2 years so just because they haven't been together long doesn't mean it can' t work out for them.
yes you are in shock- probably not half as much as they were when they found out!! i hand't even met my bil when my sister first told me i was going to be an auntie- i had to wait 3 years to find out but it was worth the wait

jacci45

Hi all and thanx again,all your comments have helped so much! I do feel a lot better now and actually a bit excited about being a Nana!!
My son and I are very close and unfortunately(not really!) he does tell me everything so I feel I have lived this relationship with him.
They are both happy altho scared obviously,oh now realises that they both need our love and support.
So things are looking up, Im starting to feel like an expectant Nana!!! My son is much happier as we have talked things through,he feels her family are somewhat naive about it all but hey ho we are all different.
Now I just hope its not twins!! She has found out her work will pay her maternity pay so that is a weight of both their minds and I have seenn my son grow up into a man almost overnight,We are very proud of him.

Thanks again

xxx

notsorichandnotsofamous

Hi jakki

I am so glad you are now looking forward to being a Nanna.
It is brilliant honestly ,cant wait for my 2nd in December !

Deb

mealone

I am 40 and I bacame a nan in January when my 20 year old daughter gave birth to the most adorable little boy, its been hard for her and her partner but they are muddling through everything.

I was shocked when my daughter said she was pregnant, she hadnt been with her partner for long and I worried that they were rushing into things but I have been impressed with how much they have both matured since that day and the day my grandson was born was one of the best days of my life, I was there and it was a wonderfull experiance.

Enjoy the anticipation of the new generation of your family and take it as the blessing it is.