21 yr old sons girlfriend is pregnant.

jacci45

Hi all,

my son has told us his girlfriend (she is 23) is pregnant. They have been together for about 14 wks and its come as a shock!

I have told him that its not an ideal situaution but that me and oh will support them in whatever they decide to do.

They have decided to keep the baby,girlie lives with her mum and my son is sharing a flat with a friend but that will end in Oct when he is coming back to live with us.She probably wont get maternity pay from her company as she wont have been there long enough and will instead get the govt minimum.

Emotionally Im devastated(My son has no idea of this) and my oh isnt helping but Ive had a strong word with him that this situation wont go away and that he has to show them support. Im sure for all their bravado they are scared.

The relationship hasnt been a smooth one and I cant see them staying together but you never know, I suppose stranger things have happened but I know my son will always be there for his child.

Does anyone know where they go from here, I wouldnt have a clue how easy it is to get a council house or whatever benefits they could claim once she leaves work. I know I could look this up on the web but Im just too ga ga at the moment.Im just so upset that my grandchild is going to born too soon and without any thought or planning but life is what it is(I havent said this to my son- Im just worried sick about the three of them.)

Who said being a parent was easy!!!!

Thanx for listening.....

xxx

delain

Depending on where you live, her parents may well have to write her an 'eviction letter' making her 'homeless' which will bump her up to near the top of the housing list, and even then they may only get a one bedroom flat in a nasty area!(happened to me!!) Could you and OH front them the money for a deposit so they could rent privately and claim HB? At least then they (and your grandchild) won't end up living in a dive.. Some councils operate a rent deposit scheme which would pay the deposit etc for them. This will be quicker than council housing and as i said at least you will know they are living in a decent home!

flea72

Firstly, congratulations, and commiserations. Its usually a shock for most people when unplanned pregnancies arrive, but usually more devastating for the grandparents-to-be as they know what lies ahead, and how hard it is

Now to the practical stuff

maternity pay, if she was already working for the company when she fell pg, and plans on working throughout the pregnancy, she will be entitled to maternity pay (roughly £100 a week). If shes only started work in the past few weeks, and continues to work, she will get Maternity allowance (same amount as SMP)

council house wise, prob not much chance, lists are huge, and until baby arrives, they wont be classed as in need, and even once baby arrives, councils dont seem to be in any rush to help people

Once baby arrives, the world of benefits opens up. You obviously get child benefit, but you can also apply for child tax credits and working tax credits. Whilst pregnant your sons girlfriend wil be entilted to a healthy living grant (to pay for healthy food). they may also be entitlted to a baby grant (depending on income)

For all the baby stuff you need, ask around. most people know someone who is looking to offload their baby stuff, or try freecycle, ebay or carboots - you can make rasising a baby as expensive or cheap as you want

But other than that, i would give as much support to the couple as i can, but leave them to find their own way, and help when they ask. If you thought being a mum was worhtwhile, just wait until you live life as a granny

Flea

[Deleted User]

Is he working?

t_obermory

I had my first baby at 19 and my BF and I hadn't been together for long, 5 years later we're happily married, thats not to say it hasn't been hard work at times. It can work out, and your support will be invaluable.

As for the practicalities if she's not entitled to maternity pay she can get maternity allowance if she's been working. She'll also get the surestart maternity grant which is £500, which is to help buy the big bits.

They need to get on their local council housing list, as they're not living together and she's pregnant it should bump them up, but there's no guarantees. Is your son working? If so privately renting may be quicker though it'll be more expensive.

HTH's

Shiny.Side.Up

Didn't want to read and run, but wanted to tell you that my brother, although older than your DS, came round one day to tell us that his girlfriend of 5 weeks(!!!!!) was pregnant and they were keeping the child. We had our doubts and such but the child is now two and a half, they have another small baby and couldn't be happier, and are marrying on the 12th Sept.

I know things seem a little dire now, but it is human nature to cope and I'm sure everything will come OK. *Hugs*

jacci45

Thanx for your replies,unfortunately there is no way we can help them financially towards a deposit,I think her mother is prepared to [EMAIL="'evict@'"]'evict'[/EMAIL] her to help her get on council list.
My son does work,he earns about 19,000 a year but now he is renting himself has no money left at the end of the month and she has debts as well,he doesnt but just has no spare money.A one bedroomed flat round here is at least 650 per month.

thanks again,

xx

[Deleted User]

They will cope, just let them get on with it and try not to worry. He is standing up to the plate so well done him. A good attitude.

notsorichandnotsofamous

Hi Jakki,

My son was 19 and at uni when he informed me that his GF was pregnant.I was really worried about how they would cope as they where living in shared accomodation with other students and I was in no financial situation to help them out. My grandaughter will be 2 in October and both my son and GF have coped brilliantly. They came back and lived with me for 12 months but are now renting a house privately.Son has just finished UNI and his GF has a full time job.
My other son who is 18 also informed me about 8 weeks ago that his Gf is pregnant (due in December) again I am in no financial situation to help them out as I was made redundant 5 weeks ago but will help and support them in any other way I can.

Deb

newcook

Your son is going to have to have a shuffle about with his finances - he earns 19k and shares a flat but cant put money aside over the coming months for a deposit?? I earn less than that and I live on my own and still have 'disposable' after all my bills have been paid - a couple of months ago I was paying off a huge bill and couldnt afford to go out more than once a month (and that was only to really cheap places!!)
they are going to have to stay in a hell of a lot more and save money - not only for a deposit but for things baby will need! It can be done!!!!

robpw2

i am sorry that you seem so disapointed a family meber having a baby is meant to be such a happy time
i appreciate that your upset but he is 21 not 13 .
i think that you need ot be firm with him and say that if he and her want to keep this baby then he needs to start planning for it properly ,find a place for them both to live and sort out hes finances to make sure he can afford to pay for it
you need to support him with the love and kindness that you appear to have not all support needs to be monetry