Rewarding son for a good report ?

Lunar_Eclipse

buxtonrabbitgreen wrote: »

I have my son keep saying "so how much will you give me for each A* I get in the GCSE's" I am trying not to commit myself as I expect it could be quite expensive. It seems that is what parents do these days.

That is what my best friend's parents did when I was at school. She wasn't particularly bright so I think her highly successful Father (who ran his own Legal practice) felt the need to spur her on. I know she has always felt a failure in his eyes; such a shame.

Interestingly I can recall being horrified at this at the time, so on principle, I won't be doing it with my own children for several reasons; mainly because the result itself is the reward for the effort imo. Also, I think a calm home that is conducive to study, creativity, wholesome food, love and early nights helps children a lot more than a cash injection and I'm very happy to tell my children that! Also, most people meet whatever expectations other people have of them.;) A very MS approach I believe.:D

jamgirl

oh i must be a bad, bad mother! :-0

i have never, and will never give gifts for good reports or results from school.
i give lots and lots of praise and tell them how proud i am but they should be getting good results and grades because they work hard at school which is what they should be doing! and i firmly believe they should be doing it for themselves as much as anything else, not because i will get them something.

my middle child has asd and stuggles at school but he generally gets good reports and gets the best grades he can. he may not get top results as his siblings do but he reaches his full potential. where would i draw the line with gcse results. is it ok to reward him for c's but the other 2 must get a's?

if i had to do something it would be a day out, somewhere they like to go, but as cost free as possible, mse style :-)

tiff

For us a family meal out can be quite expensive. My son (11, year 6) got better than expected Sats results and worked very hard. He has wanted a hamster for ages so that was his reward. We have borrowed a cage, got a spare from Freecycle and bought 2 hamsters last weekend. My son knows not to expect expensive presents, he saves up for those things himself.

jellyhead

At gymnastics today the new batch of certificates hadn't arrived, we should have had them last week. One mum was annoyed because she's itching to buy her daughter a reward as a well done for getting a gymnastics certificate.

The child is only 3 and has no elder siblings so it's not a case of a sibling is being rewarded for a good report or exam result and she feels left out, no this is just a reward for a gym certificate (a DS!). I must be a bad mother because I've always thought that going on to do the next course was reward enough for the child? If they were badly behaved or didn't make any effort then I wouldn't pay for further lessons, but they need no reward for behaving as expected.

Ada_Doom

I don't think I would buy a big gift for my child but as other have said a meal out or day out with your boys being the centre of it sounds really nice.

I had freinds who got rewarded for results but my parents were never really interested in anything to do with my education and at the time this didn't bother me as it was how things had always been but now i have children of my own i look back and think its strange that they were so uninterested, especially when they now make occasional comments about my lack of acheivment(sp!). Ho hum....

To OP well done to your boys you must be such a proud mummy!

mumps

This is a sore point in my home. Husband believes in buying rewards and I don't. Don't think I will comment as it is a running battle here so don't want to get flamed by anyone. Well done to your boys, you must be proud of them both, and to all the other parents on here as well, it sounds like there are a lot of hard working kids with MSE parents.

Just thought I would add that I did agree to buy DD a laptop when she got her grades at A level for her first choice university. We felt she needed one for her course and she had worked hard at school and in her job to save money for university so felt it was fair to mark the end of school. Maybe I'm not consistent.

Lunar_Eclipse

mumps wrote: »

Just thought I would add that I did agree to buy DD a laptop when she got her grades at A level for her first choice university. We felt she needed one for her course and she had worked hard at school and in her job to save money for university so felt it was fair to mark the end of school. Maybe I'm not consistent.

Personally, I think this is one of those occasions where not being consistent is good, since she has not been expecting gifts all throughout her schooling simply for turning up and doing what she should be doing at school every day, namely her best overall.

And it is very different (in a good way) to setting out a reward per grade type system in advance of doing exams. Again IMO. I think what you did was a kind and appropriate gesture.

But I do struggle with this myself. Whilst I think my parents generally got this kind of thing right, I do think some recognition would have been appropriate when I graduated, with a 1st. I didn't have any expectations and it didn't even cross my mind until DH's parents bought me a card and bottle of my favourite perfume as a gift and my own parents barely said 'congratulations'. I know they must have been proud, but maybe they struggled to show it; who knows. A levels and university graduation are to be celebrated IMO, being different to other school years.

Off to help youngest clean her teeth.

mumps

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Personally, I think this is one of those occasions where not being consistent is good, since she has not been expecting gifts all throughout her schooling simply for turning up and doing what she should be doing at school every day, namely her best overall.

And it is very different (in a good way) to setting out a reward per grade type system in advance of doing exams. Again IMO. I think what you did was a kind and appropriate gesture.

But I do struggle with this myself. Whilst I think my parents generally got this kind of thing right, I do think some recognition would have been appropriate when I graduated, with a 1st. I didn't have any expectations and it didn't even cross my mind until DH's parents bought me a card and bottle of my favourite perfume as a gift and my own parents barely said 'congratulations'. I know they must have been proud, but maybe they struggled to show it; who knows. A levels and university graduation are to be celebrated IMO, being different to other school years.

Off to help youngest clean her teeth.

Thank you, it is nice of you to say that. I do understand how you feel about your graduation, I will be thrilled if she gets a first, think it might be time for making an exception again.

jellyhead

mumps I agree about the laptop being a good idea, and it's something to help with studies rather than a playstation game.

I didn't even get a card when I graduated, but mum and nan came to the ceremony so that was worth more, if that makes sense. We're just not the kind of family to buy gifts all the time, maybe because mum grew up very poor.

Lunar_Eclipse

jellyhead wrote: »

mumps I agree about the laptop being a good idea, and it's something to help with studies rather than a playstation game.

I didn't even get a card when I graduated, but mum and nan came to the ceremony so that was worth more, if that makes sense. We're just not the kind of family to buy gifts all the time, maybe because mum grew up very poor.

Yes, my whole family came to my graduation ceremony; we made a weekend of it in a lovely hotel that they paid for, since it was in the December following me leaving uni. Mum also bought me a new suit, which I now feel really bad that I had forgotten about in my earlier winge.:o I take it all back ...