Rewarding son for a good report ?

elljay20

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Well done to your son. I'm not sure what I'd do tbh since I was wondering about this very matter myself this morning.

My children have just received excellent reports, I am extremely proud of them. They excelled themselves in their end of year tests/SATS, but also/more importantly had glowing behavioural reports and teacher feedback.

We have told them how proud of them we are and given them oral praise. DH is not a fan of material gifts for such things. I'm unsure. I'd like to treat them and there are a couple of things they'd really like (we don't buy them toys outside Birthdays/Xmas but they do have pocket money), but firstly I don't want to create a precedent and also I'm very keen for them to know that they are achieving (or otherwise) in life for themselves - and not for me/us. It's one of the only things I can recall from my parenting reading and worked well for me in my own childhood.

Anyone else feel torn in this way? I have thought about buying them roller skates for the holidays, so am wondering whether to say they are "for trying and behaving their best at school", or just buy them as a holiday gift. Although the downside to their exemplary, role model behaviour at school is it doesn't/can't continue all the time at home!

tbh i'd be tempted to buy them. Its an excellent idea for a gift!!! i wouldn't be so sure if you were buying them a ps3 game or something but they have worked hard and deserve a bit of fun in the holidays.

anonymousie

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Well done to your son. I'm not sure what I'd do tbh since I was wondering about this very matter myself this morning.

My children have just received excellent reports, I am extremely proud of them. They excelled themselves in their end of year tests/SATS, but also/more importantly had glowing behavioural reports and teacher feedback.

We have told them how proud of them we are and given them oral praise. DH is not a fan of material gifts for such things. I'm unsure. I'd like to treat them and there are a couple of things they'd really like (we don't buy them toys outside Birthdays/Xmas but they do have pocket money), but firstly I don't want to create a precedent and also I'm very keen for them to know that they are achieving (or otherwise) in life for themselves - and not for me/us. It's one of the only things I can recall from my parenting reading and worked well for me in my own childhood.

Anyone else feel torn in this way? I have thought about buying them roller skates for the holidays, so am wondering whether to say they are "for trying and behaving their best at school", or just buy them as a holiday gift. Although the downside to their exemplary, role model behaviour at school is it doesn't/can't continue all the time at home!

~Get them and yes, let the be a "well done" gift- but (if they are old enough to understand) have a chat about what you've said- that achieving at school is "for them" not you, though you are astill gut bustingly proud of them!

lostinrates

I still remember my rport card meals out with my mother. I also remember the two terms I didn't get them and, yes, when I was young (under 14 ) this silent ommission of the was enough to impress on me I had to knuckle down again.

buxtonrabbitgreen

I have my son keep saying "so how much will you give me for each A* I get in the GCSE's" I am trying not to commit myself as I expect it could be quite expensive. It seems that is what parents do these days.

jellyhead

anonymousie wrote: »

God I'm a harsh mother I know but apart from bigging up the praise and maybe a family meal out we don't reward reports/exams as such. THat isn't to say we aren't chuffed to bits!

I guess in your situation when you feel one child has made heroic efforts and the other has "just coasted" it is tempting to reward the hard worker though.

A family meal out, or maybe a favourite takeaway is a treat in many households - you're not harsh at all

My kids have enough 'stuff' because we're a big family so they get overwhelmed at christmas and birthdays - a meal out or a day out somewhere is a really exciting treat for my children (they have lots of days out actually, we're theme park addicts, but a picnic and bike ride on cannock chase is a nice treat). Both have asked for a day out instead of a birthday gift before now.

I maybe in in the minority but I would not reward the dyslexic child more than the non-dyslexic child, not unless the non-dyslexic child has been lazy or had bad behaviour in school.

I remember my mum always making a fuss of my sister because she wasn't very bright in school and it irritated the rest of us - it wasn't our fault we were born more academically minded than she was, and there was no way that we could earn extra treats because no matter what we did it was just expected of us. We always felt that mum should have realised that actually we made just as much of an effort in school and we were never cheeky or naughty, so it wasn't FAIR that my sister was given treats

suzybaby2001

This thread has made me remember some interesting points about school, the children that got £10 for every GCSE above a grade C, I would have been minted! I was greeted with "what, no A*s?" when I rang home to tell my family my grades (I got 7 As and 3 Bs. Then this was turned around when I got a 2:2 after 4 years of hard slog, my family were so happy I'd got a degree but I was gutted I didn't get a 2:1 or higher with all the work I put in. :rolleyes:

jellyhead

buxtonrabbitgreen wrote: »

I have my son keep saying "so how much will you give me for each A* I get in the GCSE's" I am trying not to commit myself as I expect it could be quite expensive. It seems that is what parents do these days.

Yikes, that was common in year 6 when they took theirs SATS, all the kids were saying they'd get five, ten etc. pounds for each level 5 they got (there were only 3 subjects though so not quite as lucrative as GCSE lol!)

AirCooledHeaven

xxdeebeexx wrote: »

Thank you both for your comments... I forgot to mention that my son is 13 years old and in Yr 9 at school.

Dx

In that case maybe a new mobile phone or mp3 player? I'm totally in favour of rewarding good reports and performance at school. Well done to him and you.

ljw2701

I always give a reward for a good report (as well as loads of verbal praise!). This year 11 yr old got a new mobile phone (though she had to pay half towards it;)) and 8 yr old a Pokemon game for his DS.

Pee

As an adult I'd pick the meal out, but as a child I would have picked the day out. Maybe you could let them choose... or even do both, as going out for dinner is a good way of teaching children social and behavioural norms. Check out the website for the best voucher deals.