The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

Cake4brains

Sorry Sillysausage, not been on in the last few days. So pleased for you, and good luck through the 2ww! xx

Im wondering if I should have done an OPK earlier, decided not to as Im only CD7 but definitely feels like it could be anytime. Will have to start them tomorrow instead. Was going to have a month off ttc but its all ingrained in my brain now, doesnt feel right just going with the flow! Our review is on Thursday. I checked online to see how much a FET would be with Care. Says £990. I nearly fell through the floor when I read that. Thats not including the drugs of course so hoping and praying I dont need a lot. Havent got that kind of money so dont know why Im bothering going on Thursday. Then again, they might be discussing the cycle we had in December. Think we might have to delay FET by a couple of months while trying to raise the cash. Will wait and see what they say Thursday I suppose.

Good luck to all who need it xx

jujugaboo

C4B good luck with your appt on thursday. They will probably want to dicuss the treatment you had and normally you have to wait 3 months between treatment to let you body get back to normal after those drugs. If you have a regular cycle you could have a natural IVF with FET which means no drugs. If you have to have drugs it won't cost too much as its the stim drugs that are costly.

We have just received our bill for our ICSI and we haven't even had our EC yet! I am finding the stim drugs worse this time after the injection it stings and hurst for ages, together with the blunt needle problem, I am sure this is because they have changed the way they do it. Trying to not think about it to much and just get on with it.

Good luck to everyone else. x

Runnerduck

hi all, good luck sillysausage, it sounds good take care of yourself for the next 2 weeks xx

sorry i cant answer any of your questions espil, but hopefully you will get 2 more goes on the NHS as i don't think they could class that as a cycle xx

C4B good luck with your appointment xx

juju, good luck for your EC xx

FBaby

Only writing to answer epsil, what a rollercoaster you and your wife have been through. In our PCT (and all adjoining ones!), you would consider to have used a cycle if you'd started stimulation, even if it had to be dropped. However, the reason for this would be due to poor stimulation and too few/low quality embroys to transfer. Your situation is extremely unusual and you could therefore be considered as exceptional, in which case, a panel might consider that it is unfair you starting on drugsto be considered as a cycle. Did they say how far along your wife was when you discovered she was pregnant (ie, when exactly did she fall pregnant). In any case, because you are still entitled to one cycle, there is no point in asking for reconsideration from the PCT at this stage. I just wish cycle 3 will work for you and you won't need to ask for another one.

And whilst I'm here, I will just wish good luck to everyone. My heart really goes to you. I started ttc with my partner in 2008, shortly after meeting. Against all my expectations, I fell pregnant first month, unfortunately miscarried a few weeks later. My way of coping with it was to go on a mission to fall pregnant again. Unfortunately, life is full of surprises. After 8 months ttc, we were referred for tests worried that there were issues with me due to my age (39), but we discovered that my partner SA was low, especially morphology. We talked about it, dicided to do ICSI once (had to pay for it as I already have children from a previous relationship), but at our private appointment, we discovered that OH second sample had improved, making him just borderline, falling within the new WHO recommendations. Because of finances, we decided to try naturally a bit longer, 6 more months went by until my partner admitted that he wasn't up for IVF anylonger, that he wasn't even sure about becoming a dad at his age, but because there was still a part of him not sure, he was happy to leave to nature to decide. That was 12 months ago, and still nothing. 6 months ago, I finally accepted it was time to move on, that after 3 years without success it was unlikely to happen. I have now finally reached the stage of acceptance and am ok with us moving on, be grateful for what we have, and focus on the positives of us never sharing the joy of a child together.

I really do feel for you and in many ways, admire your never ending tenacity. What I have discovered through 3 years of following tales of many ttcers, is that tenacity is what get you there at the end. Only very few I have followed havent got to the end result they wanted. I wish you luck with all my heart that you all get there too whenever your time comes.

chickpea

Thanks FBaby - I hope you're right and tenacity is the key!

++++++

I had such a vivid dream last night about getting a BFP. It was all so real..but then I woke up..!

epsilondraconis

Yes, thanks FBaby.

I just hope we stay tenacious enough for long enough...

Primmer

Fingers crossed for you silly sausage

Cake4 Brans - ggod luck with your appointment this week

katenut

Hi everyone and thanks for the warm welcome. I do tend to be more of a lurker than a poster sometimes, but I'll try and pop in regularly. I did just try to multiquote as there were several posts I wanted to reply to, but I lost it somehow :mad:

Good luck sillysausage!

Still feeling a bit raw after our appointment with the consultant, prone to tears when confronted with a baby or one of my many pregnant friends! I successfully avoided a newborn baby at the weekend, although did have to go for lunch with a very heavily pregnant friend. DH is being wonderful though :-) He is also delighted by the advice one of you gave that he should eat more nuts - I am sure he is half squirrel, half human!

Fluffnutter - your comment about all the 'wasted' years of trying really hit home with me. It is the saddest thing in the world, all those months and years of hoping it would happen, only to be told that it is virtually impossible that we could concieve naturally :-(

Hugs and kisses to anyone in need xx

fluffnutter

katenut wrote: »

Hi everyone and thanks for the warm welcome. I do tend to be more of a lurker than a poster sometimes, but I'll try and pop in regularly. I did just try to multiquote as there were several posts I wanted to reply to, but I lost it somehow :mad:

Good luck sillysausage!

Still feeling a bit raw after our appointment with the consultant, prone to tears when confronted with a baby or one of my many pregnant friends! I successfully avoided a newborn baby at the weekend, although did have to go for lunch with a very heavily pregnant friend. DH is being wonderful though :-) He is also delighted by the advice one of you gave that he should eat more nuts - I am sure he is half squirrel, half human!

Fluffnutter - your comment about all the 'wasted' years of trying really hit home with me. It is the saddest thing in the world, all those months and years of hoping it would happen, only to be told that it is virtually impossible that we could concieve naturally :-(

Hugs and kisses to anyone in need xx

I wish you all the luck in the world. I too was really tearful when I first started the process but I actually found my IVF journey get easier over the months, not harder. It's worth it x.

chickpea

As someone who has experienced primary and secondary infertility, I am occasionally comparing both these experiences in my head.

Primary infertility is worse, without question, because it's hell and you never know if you'll experience parenthood at all. You have to accept childlessness, at least while you're still in pursuit of that elusive dream.

At least when it's secondary infertility you have already had a chance to experience parenthood and all its joys and trials.

But the second worse thing after primary infertility is secondary infertility, if you ask me.

One reason secondary infertility is so hard is because now parenthood is not theoretical, or some dream that seems like a distant fantasy, it's real now. You want to extend your family, to have a baby as much for the child you already have as for yourself.

One of the hardest aspects of secondary infertility is having to spend your life surrounded by bumps, babies and other little children, because of all the activities you have to do with your own child. Like swimming, parks, playgroups etc. I have to do these things for the sake of my child, but it's quite painful. Like today in the park - hugely fat woman with child the same age as mine - and massive bump, puffing away on a fag. She tried to smile at me, but I just couldn't bring myself to reciprocate..

Or today in the swimming pool - I'd just recovered from the sight of the woman with the baby-too-young-to-walk and the *huge* bump, when in walked the family with the 3 yr old, 2 yr old, 1 yr old (still a babe in arms) and yes, you guessed it, the massive bump. It's quite tiring having to go through this several times a weeks..and it's been 2 and a half years now...it's like a slap in the face every time. The green-eyed monster takes over every time.

I just have to try to remember that the fertiles are not doing anything wrong. They're fertile, that's how it should be. It's not that they're lucky necessarily, it's that I'm unlucky. It's me that's got the problem, and it's not connected with anything they're doing.

Would I swap my lot for theirs? Probably not, most of the time, but I wish I had the power to make decisions about when and how many babies I want to have too.

It doesn't help that procreating seems to be a national pastime right now...

Really, I'd like to avoid pregnant women and newborns - but there's nowhere to hide, literally* nowhere!! (*not technically true, I could hang out on Saga holidays, or a Monastry or old folks' home perhaps..)