The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

ginvzt

jujugaboo wrote: »

I have not been in your position but I know its hard for you too. At least you get a try every month - odds must work out better.

It is unfair, especially when you see 16 year old having babies just to get a flat. I just wondered if it will ever be my turn or maybe I am just not meant to be a Mum.

I do think that as well - many times I had to stop myself going in that direction! Yes, I want to be a mum, and I will be. If I can't have a child of our own, we will go the adoption route - there are lots of children who would like to have home, but don't.

I had real trouble last night trying to do my injection - had to move needle about 5 times to different point, as it just wasn't going through! I was just back from the gym, and my skin was having none of it. Well, I manage in the end. And I have finished my first bottle of the Buserelin. 1 more week till my scan.

And today I have the worst headache/migraine. Couldn't keep my eyes open, feeling nauseous and the light was so irritating. I was going to send an email to my boss saying I am talking a sick leave today, but didn't in the end. I still haven't done any work, so it is going to be a late night working. I still need to do my 8 hours. I am feeling slightly bette rnow, but I guess I will need some more paracetamol to get over it.

chickpea

CD28 and BFN. I feel so wretched, I have called in sick. I'm not sure whether I'm coming down with sth, or if it's just AF on her way. I think partly, I just cried so much yesterday, that I ended up feeling rough today. My throat's killing me.

I don't feel so miserable today - I'm thinking ahead to next month already, plus since I'll be at home today, there's no chance of bumping into a pg woman and getting jealous. I just have to remember to keep Holly Willoughby off the telly..

+++++++++

JuJu - you're right, there is a chance for me every month, albeit patently a slim one. I have to cling to that. And deep down, I do believe it will happen. But I also know there's a chance it won't, and each month the odds of that being so increase.

Oh well - I guess it's count my blessings time, must get a grip!

+++++++++++

Gin -

We did look into adoption at one time. But once we found out there was almost no chance in the UK, or at least where we live, of being able to adopt a baby - of any colour/background - we dropped the idea.

(We have American friends that have, and they couldn't be happier, but adoption is easier and more common in America.)

It probably doesn't reflect well on me, but at this stage in my life, I really don't want to take on an older sibling group with issues. Thankfully, there are prople out there that will, but it's not for me.

+++++++++

I have to hope I can conceive 'naturally'.

Although I'm not Catholic, my husband is - and he's a 'good Catholic' - there aren't many of them around! He's not all 'God-bothering, or preachy, but as regards having children, he does take the Vatican's stance on reproduction ethics.

Now, while I realise he's very much in a tiny minority there, even among Catholics - and I also feel there's an element of cutting off your nose to spite your face - it is what it is, and I knew that when I married him.

So IVF is not on the cards for us I'm afraid...he has promised to look into IUI though if nothing's happened by next summer (but I hope we don't need to get to that.

Wow, my postings are pretty dark at present. I promise to lighten up soon...just as soon as those PMT hormones evaporate!

Good luck.

QQuaver

ginvzt wrote: »

I had real trouble last night trying to do my injection - had to move needle about 5 times to different point, as it just wasn't going through!

I had trouble putting in the needle today, one tiny poke and it was so painful I pulled it out.

I sticked it in again, nearer to my bellybutton, and it was fine.

chickpea wrote: »

CD28 and BFN. I feel so wretched, I have called in sick. I'm not sure whether I'm coming down with sth, or if it's just AF on her way. I think partly, I just cried so much yesterday, that I ended up feeling rough today. My throat's killing me.

(((Hugs))).

We did look into adoption at one time. But once we found out there was almost no chance in the UK, or at least where we live, of being able to adopt a baby - of any colour/background - we dropped the idea.

(We have American friends that have, and they couldn't be happier, but adoption is easier and more common in America.)

It probably doesn't reflect well on me, but at this stage in my life, I really don't want to take on an older sibling group with issues. Thankfully, there are prople out there that will, but it's not for me.

I'm not too keen on a baby, I'd prefer someone who's already been potty trained:p But my DH doesn't want to adopt:(
I don't mind donor eggs, but he minds donor sperm.
It's his or nothing:o

Had a long talk yesterday, and found out he thought IUI had really high success rates (it's only about 10% chance/cycle), and thought IVF was nearly 100% successful on the first try:rotfl:

I told him he has to think of IVF for at least 3 cycles to begin with:o
I think he now understands.

sexki11en

Quick update from me. We had our first appointment at the fertility clinic yesterday. It went OK, didn't get as many answers as we were hoping for. I've been put on the waiting list for a lap & dye and hubby has to have another SA but this time they'll time how many are left at various times after the sample is given.

They said depending on these results, looking at his 2 other SA's we MAY be able to go for IUI which I didn't think we would.

I also had a transvaginal ultrasound (dildo cam lol) which showed, along with my FSH results, that I have diminished egg reserves for someone my age. Time is of the essence according to the doc. She could only see 6 follies in one ovary and 8 in the other (apparently this wasn't great?)

Anyway, waiting list for the Lap & dye is 6-12 weeks with Christmas but if i'm willing to have it done on Christmas eve they said they can probably fit me in - no one wants that one funnily enough lol.

One step closer.

SK x

QQuaver

sexki11en wrote: »

She could only see 6 follies in one ovary and 8 in the other (apparently this wasn't great?)

I don't know. You only need one follicle for a baby:o

Anyway, waiting list for the Lap & dye is 6-12 weeks with Christmas but if i'm willing to have it done on Christmas eve they said they can probably fit me in - no one wants that one funnily enough lol.

A lot of people get pg straight after lap & dye, fingers crossed:)

chickpea

QQuaver wrote: »

I don't know. You only need one follicle for a baby:o

A lot of people get pg straight after lap & dye, fingers crossed:)

Tis true. It happened to me, I got pg 3 months after mine. It can be as much therapeutic as it is diagnostic.

Age is a factor, but it just might make things harder, not impossible.

Good luck, I hope you get that Christmas Eve appointment. It is surgery, and you will feel a little fragile for a few days afterwards, but it's not THAT bad - I walked to the car a couple of hours after it, and with the help of some painkillers, got through the night no bother.

The worse bit is how your shoulders feel afterwards - but it's really no worse than the feeling you'd get if you'd given it hell for leather in the weights room at the gym the previous day.

I hope it happens for you!

QQuaver

chickpea wrote: »

Age is a factor, but it just might make things harder, not impossible.

Sexki11en is only 30 years old:)

chickpea

In that case, age shouldn't really be cited as a factor at 30 - I'm surpised it was. It shouldn't be impossible at 30. I hope not, because I'm now 37! The fertility specialist said age was the biggest factor against me, but that'sobviously different.

+++++++++

Chronological age isn't always the same as biological age mind you - and while some people maybe be hyperfertile at 30, or 40, others aren't.

I started TTC #1 in 2005 aged 31.5 - it took over 3 years. My sis-in-law got married 6 months ago aged 31, and got pg on honeymoon (sad as I am, I worked out her dates, and she conceived about 2 days after the wedding, from what she said..). I still can't look her in the face, but I'll be fine once the baby is here - I'm not jealous of babies, just bumps!

+++++++

SK - stress may be a factor for you, especially if you're a control freak in the rest of your life(?). The specialist told me later on that the Lap and Dye probably worked, but only on a psychological level, because I believed it would work. (I don't believe her though.)

I was deeply chilled out about TTC #1 for the first year of trying, so I really don't think I was stressed about it. I do think my tubes are a little snug..

jujugaboo

[QUOTE

Had a long talk yesterday, and found out he thought IUI had really high success rates (it's only about 10% chance/cycle), and thought IVF was nearly 100% successful on the first try:rotfl:[/QUOTE]

I wish IVF was 100% successful on first try! Bless him.

SK - your follicies numbers sound Ok to me, I'm 33 and they sounds a bit like mine. Hope you get your appt soon.

Gin - those pesky needles are a pain but you just have to keep trying till you find that spot where it just slides in - not easy though. Good luck on your scan in a week.

I have been thinking alot about adoption, particulary as it was Adoption week on This Morning last week when I was resting on my 2WW. My OH is happy to adopt but we really want to try as much as we can to have one of our own. It will come to a point where we can't have anymore ICSI so adoption will be are only hope. My OH suffers from Type 1 Diabetes and someone said we wouldn't be able to adopt because of that - I hope not!. I would be happy with a young child and even take on 2 siblings if it was an option.

liloandstitch

DONT WORRY ABOUT YOUR FOLLICLE NUMBERS LADIES. It is the reserve they are talking about. Every month you get quite a few follicles but only usually one egg. All this tells you is that the NUMBERS of eggs are starting to reduce, and this is a lottery I am afraid, yes you can run out early, but those numbers are still quite good. She probably means that that is the number that you usually see in someone a little older - 36/37 ish rather than 30. WHAT IT DOESNT TELL YOU IS THE QUALITY OF THE EGGS) It is quite possible to have low eggs that are brilliant quality, as well as a large reserve of eggs of Poor quality. My last IVF was at age 39 1/2 and I got an A1 egg - the best you can get. It didnt stick unfortunately, although this was lucky because they discovered cervical cancer at the same time, but thats another story. So again, quality does not guarantee success. Every one is an individual and unique. If it preys on your mind, it may subconsciously make you believe that you wont get pregnant, and be careful of what you wish for cos it may come true. PMA at all times (Positive mental Attitude)

Sorry this post has been a lecture, didnt mean it to be.

Well done all of you that still have a PMA, and those that feel blue, take time out, dust yourself off, be very kind to yourself, and get back on the horse when you are ready. I REALLY believe that there will be a time for all of us, and that if we are patient and positive it will come.

Oh, and not to forget PAGEE - I remember well that really scared feeling when you have tried for a long time and finally you get a line, from when I had my little boy. ENJOY EVERY MINUTE! and well done for not giving up, even though you have probably been to hell and back.

and LOL to the bowling ball tummy in the face - my thoughts exactly.

Lilo