The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

ginvzt

nichart - good news!!!! Glad to hear things are moving along!

jujugaboo

I am bit of a lurker on this site as I am hoing for some support when I go through my second ICSI cycle.

I am feel very down about it all at the moment. I hate my job but can't leave because of maternity pay (if I do get pregnant) and if I had another job I don't think they are going to be too happy when I start needing time off for scans and BT. But being unhappy in my job is surely not going to put me in the best frame of mind for ICSI and perhaps I should just quit altogether.

The IVF treatment at my NHS hospital has been suspended for 6 weeks due some problems with the lists, I think I was due up next for my second go as my last failed attempt was August last year.

Its nice to hear some BFPs on here recently I just hope I can add to it at some point.

ginvzt

jujugaboo wrote: »

I am feel very down about it all at the moment. I hate my job but can't leave because of maternity pay (if I do get pregnant) and if I had another job I don't think they are going to be too happy when I start needing time off for scans and BT. But being unhappy in my job is surely not going to put me in the best frame of mind for ICSI and perhaps I should just quit altogether.

I am with you on the job... I don't want to leave because of maternity pay, which although not the best, is still something. And I wouldn't like to start explaining to the new company why I need time off (they are ok here so far never questioned why do I have so many doctor's appointments). I would have been here for 2 years in June, and I am seriously considering rethinking this...

Today I am feeling odd. I am near the end of my cycle and getting the usual twinges and I am afraid that this is it for the month again. But then I keep telling myself that I am getting pregnant this month and I am booking flights home to tell my parents we are having on the Mother's day (it is in May where I am from). Don't think this will happen, but would love to be able to do this. I promissed myself I won't test till CD29, which would be Sunday. Yes, I shouldn't test early, but it is so tempting!

jujugaboo

My company got really funny last year when I was having my scans and BTs for ICSI but I just said it was to do with my Thyroid (as I am underactive). I have been in my job 10 years but 18 months ago the company was in trouble and they tried to get rid of me for no reason but to save money as I have been here the longest. I am not going to be able to get away with it next time I start treatment and I am going to have to tell them, which I am dreading. I am also waying up to the pros and cons of leaving.

I tell myself every month that I am pregnant by some fluke miracle, but as my partner suffers from retrograde ejaculation it is highly unlikely to happen. I tested myself last month as I was convinced I was pregnant and a few days late but it was again negitive, I don't know why I put myself through this torture.

jiblets1

I have hardly told myself this might be the month for about a year and a half. It's just to difficult for me personally. A general expectation of no change may be a little depressing, but at least it's consistent...

nichart20

jujugaboo welcome to the board I really hope you get your bfp on your next ICSI, I know what you mean about the job thing I have been saying for years well I don't want to leave because of maternity pay I could have had a much better job now on much better pay but I have been holding off just incase :mad:

ginvzt really hope this is your month

jiblets1 did you manage to find any info?

I was at dinner today and I did something stupid, someone had a magic 8 ball on the table and I bet you can guess the question I asked it, it said not likely an now im convinced it's not going to work

ginvzt

It is hard - the emotional part. I keep telling myself it is not going to happen and stop worrying about it, but then next day (or our) I find myself looking at pushchairs, checking out maternity pay, holiday accrual, etc. Did you know that now you accrue holiday at your normal rate for for ordinary and additional maternity leave? It changed not that long ago, and you used to accrue your holiday only for the first 6 months. My company (for other parts of the company - we have been bought out) has maternity policy on intranet which I now found out is out of date...

Oh, and I even have spreadsheets for calculating my maternity pay and how much would my salary change if I went back part time after that, and when would I be able to start and finish maternity leave adding saved up holidays and so on. I am mad and I think I need some serious help. Or a robe with very long sleeves.

I have been having some more cramping this evening and sort of 'discomfort' on my right side - I guess I have to prepare myself for another 'witch visit'. Just not tomorrow at work, please...

jujugaboo

Further to your magic 8 ball nichart I saw a tarot card reader the other week at some charity event. She said was I trying for a baby - I said yes and she said I didn't pick the conception card but my cards showed new beginnings and new emotions - here's hoping!.

I was working out my maternity pay yesterday and how much would I lose if I quit my job now. I said after my first ICSI that I would leave my job but I am still here thinking it won't be long till my next go but its been 7 months!

hamish222

Excited as have first appt at Gri on 22nd JUne for ivf/icsi. It has been a lot quicker than I thought.

jujugaboo

Good luck with your first appointment hamish.