The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

jiblets1

Wow ginvzt, that's a work trip and a half!

Ladies, I need some opinions. My OH has been not drinking since new years (he said he'd give 2 months not drinking a go so we could try to beat the odds before IVF comes up). He did his usual last night (which has been really annoying me lately) of going for the sympathy vote with our mates, making out like it was something I've made him do. I really makes me look bad sometimes. Then our friends started asking me how come I could drink and he can't. I got a bit upset and now I'm really questioning myself. I've always felt that I'm not going to stop drinking as I'm well into year 3 now, and I have no intention of being sober for such a long time. But now I feel really bad, because I'm considering the fact that maybe I'm not trying hard enough for this baby. What choices do you all make about drinking - and is it based on potentially damaging the baby, or your fertility? I guess I'd only really considered the damage to the baby before, and I decided that most people who aren't trying so earnestly for a baby could end up drinking for a few weeks without damaging the baby. And I don't drink much anyway. Oh I don't know, I'm just babbling on now. But same old question again, what do you all do about boozing? Thanks.

nichart20

Alamaya sorry its a bfn hope your cycle sorts its self out x

Wow ginvzt thats fab lucky u!!

jiblets we both stopped drinking in october to try help things but we had a drink on new year and have not had a drink this year yet more to help fertility and save the money to pay off the debt I have .

OH is not much of a drinker anyway I used to drink more than him but he did not want to drink I think he wants the best possible result for his swimmers male pride and all that.

I don't think it would damage the baby drinking a few weeks until you realise. I have said if the IVF does not work for us I will need a bloody good night out with lots of wine

foxy-roxy

Can i ask if anyone on here has told people at their work what they are doing and going through?
I am going to the doctors for tests and my OH is having his swimmers tested and i really don't want to tell work but have no idea on what i would tell them my appointments are about?

nichart20

Hi foxy-roxy I just spoke to manager as we have to show our appointment letters and wanted to keep it quite as it's a right gossip fest in our office, Good luck with the tests x im off to see peter kay too

ginvzt

I don't drink. Well, I might have a sip or two (honestly, no more - I don't like wine or any other alcoholic drinks!). But whatever happens, I avoid it in the 2ww.

foxy: I haven't told my work anything yet. When I had hycosy, I asked waht is the policy if I have doctor's appointment, and was told that if it is just an appointment, people usually take an hour or so off, and then work longer another day (we have flexible hours, 40 per week, and that is why I did my Tesco shopping during the day today and have finished working just 5 min ago). I said I am having some test done, but nothing specific, and was told to take a day as sick leave. When I had laparoscopy, I told my manager that I am having a small surgery (laparoscopy) and I will possibly be 1-2 weeks off afterwards. He didn't ask any questions.

I did say to someone at work that I am having cyst drained, and then was shocked to be asked by another person how did it go! Not telling anything until I have to next time.

foxy-roxy

I think i will probably vaguely tell my manager so she is aware tht i may need to be flexible with hours but definitley don't want anyone else to know as it i will add to the pressure.
Will let everyone know how i get on with the tests.
xx

angelavdavis

I had to quit my work to do my IVF - there was no way I could have got the time off for my appointments and all time off would have been without pay anyway.

OH and I have lapsed back into having a drink (especially me) so we are on the verge of giving it up again. I have cut right back, but still drink a little more than OH.

My brother was taken into hospital last night as he had been experiencing stomach pains, so everything at home is a bit tense (Mum and Dad live with us). He has a history of appendicitis and peritonitis with quite a complicated surgical history, so they are keeping him in to monitor him. They will probably let him out tonight, as hospitals don't tend to like to keep patients in over the weekend if they can help it.

jiblets, I sympathise with your situation. I was in a similar situation with my OH, we ended up having a blazing row when we went away for a week not long ago. I felt that I was making all the effort and he wasn't bothering - quite happy for me to go through the IVF again even though he knew what a bad effect it had on me the first time. It is tough when you don't feel your partner is supporting you.

jiblets1

angelavdavis wrote: »

jiblets, I sympathise with your situation. I was in a similar situation with my OH, we ended up having a blazing row when we went away for a week not long ago. I felt that I was making all the effort and he wasn't bothering - quite happy for me to go through the IVF again even though he knew what a bad effect it had on me the first time. It is tough when you don't feel your partner is supporting you.

Best wishes to your brother angela, I hope all turns out well. Do you know, with my hubby it's not that I don't feel he supports me, because he does, it's just that he has to play the wounded animal while he does it. I've actually had an argument with my own mother (who is always wonderful) recently about it. He is happy to give up drinking for a while. We're both happy to look towards moving house closer to my parents but he has to play with everyone else like it's something I've forced on him. My mother ended up telling him that she thinks I play him, and I basically started feeling like it's a running joke that I'm a complete b**ch to him. So I ended up having words with my mother that she should think better of me than to just lap it up when he decides to present me in this negative light. And so when he started on it with our friends about the drinking this week I got really cross. But I think mostly I got cross because I suddenly realised they might be right about me drinking. But I don't want to stop my occasional drinking, because it's a de-stress that I think I need. I still don't know how I feel about it all...

foxy-roxy

Luckily for me i am not a big drinker, can't stand the taste, but my downfall is coffee, tons and tons of coffee and i smoke.:(
So i know it must be hard to give up something that relaxes you and helps you unwind, i always think that if i completley gave up coffee i would have blood pressure so high it must surely be dangerous?
Surely a little bit of what you fancy does you good?

(well that's what i keep telling myself anyway.):p

ginvzt

I actually took up coffee when we already ttc - I didn't like it before! And no, I am not going to give it up. All I have is one cup of latte in the morning. (Ok, occasionally 2, but very occasionally). I used to drink mainly green tea and herbal teas, but none of it matters it seems to me. All our Italian friends where drinking coffee (espresso) like water before and during pregnancy. They were shocked to hear, when I said in UK you should be giving up coffee.

My breasts are feeling tender today and I am holing myself not to start getting excited. I am only on CD20, so still a long way to go. (Oh, and I managing to lose some weight, althogh I can#t stop eating pork pies and fish & chops the week. I guess, after tonight's thai meal, it will all pile up! Lost 2.7kg in the last 3 weeks)