The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

loulou123

Hello sorry I haven't posted on this forum much, I'm a secret lurker on here!

I'm going to have a rant I'm afraid....

AF is late (by 4 days now, judging on a normal month for me) and I just can't test, as deep down I know its going to be a BFN and I just bear the thought of seeing another one. I'm just fed up of the whole thing, and I'm driving myself mad thinking about ttc and everything.

I've been trying for over 2 years now, my initial tests all came back fine (im still struggling to get hubby to have SA) but last cycle was long and now I'm convinced my pcos has worsened. I never thought I'd still be trying this long without any success.

I've even began to plan my future without kids,as it seems the likely outcome.

Sorry for the rant xx

lisawood78

loulou, that sucks.
I know what you are saying about testing (not that I could ever resist when there was actually a point to it!)

If all your tests came back ok then you really do need to get hubby to do his part. Everyone gets a long cycle now and then, doesn't mean anything on it's own, it isn't even indicative on it's own.

My future is now planned without kids after 9 IVFs and 11 years ttc.
Don't give up, but try not to let it take your life over, I made the mistake of putting everything on hold and not living my life, but I know how gosh darn hard that is to do in reality.

Hoping that your wrong about the BFN x

Part_Mouse

Lisa so sorry to read about your struggles ith ttc.

Xx

Part_Mouse

Finally spoke to fs off for a scan on fri and if my lining is thin than will start ovulation induction ASAP.eek.excited but scared as I know the meds really affect my depression.

Xx

tea_lover

Ok… another day, another dilemma!

Some of you may remember the problems I had at work last year. V brief summary – had new boss who was a complete bully, was also relocated and had a 3hr+ daily commute, was v miserable and ended up taking redundancy the week before Christmas. Since then I’ve been temping (through an agency) for a different part of the same company, for 3 days a week. They have now offered me a full-time, permanent position.

The job is ok. Nothing massively inspiring but I’ve done a lot worse, and I think I could make it my own. The main issue I have with it at the moment is the person I work with, but she’s leaving in a couple of weeks. However, I haven’t (obviously) mentioned the fact that fingers crossed I’m currently 5 weeks pg (possibly with twins). If I accept, they will want me back on a company contract asap, probably within the next couple of weeks.

So what do I do? I’ve still got 2 wks till the 7 wk scan, and so have no idea what (if anything!) is going on in there right now. I don’t feel happy about signing a contract knowing that I’m hoping to be going on leave within a few months. It just feels very underhand and wrong, especially when these people have been really good to me over the last few years.

It’s a very big multinational company so obviously things like this happen, but it’s a small department and I don’t want to take the mick. On the other hand, I don’t want to say anything this early on when I’m already bricking it about things not working out.

Any words of wisdom??

ETA: one of the people in the dept (not the boss) knows about the IVF, but not the outcome yet. So it's not like I could even claim a happy accident!

teaandcakeordeath

At the risk of sounding terrible... I would take the job and the contract and be happy in the knowledge that you've got a secure income for the duration of your pregnancy/ mat leave... I understand how you don't want to feel like you're being underhand but I don't think it is. I think it's perfectly acceptable to be selfish in the position you're in and look after yourself. Besides- pregnancy/ equality rights at work have been hard fought for without guilting ourselves out of them...

I think as well how many people would know they were 5 weeks pregnant if they weren't on this hellish/ mental ttc journey that we're all stuck in. Look after yourself- the multinational is big enough to look after itself.

Just read back on what I've written- it sounds harsh. I genuinely don't mean it to but can't think of a different way of phrasing it... If you want the job and security- take it.

abis21

I don't think its harsh at all TCD - I think its sound advice and I would echo everything that you say too.

Take the job hun. Especially seeing as the other lady is leaving, cos otherwise you make have had to have put a shovel round her head for any other insensitive comments she came out with! xx

Birdie85

I'd go for it Tea (see, you're not harsh at all TCD as we're thinking along the same lines!) They can't discriminate against you for being PG (especially as you've been through so much to get to this point) and all companies worth their salt know that short term pain (i.e. Maternity leave) leads to long-term gain (i.e. happy colleagues who feel valued and looked after and are happy to go back to work and stick with the employer for a long time after returning from said maternity leave.). It would be more important for me to have a secure income when I've got babies on the way than feeling guilty about how I've somehow 'conned' my employer.

lilymay1

I third it.

Companies know the risks when hiring women of child bearing age. Anything could happen, don't put your life on hold. Plus, a permanent contract in this job market is worth its weight in gold

tea_lover

You are all great

Although you do all seem to be agreeing with what my OH is saying... that can't be right lol!