The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

Floaty

Good morning all

I've been reading this thread for a while, so I sort of feel like I know you all already - what a weird stalker I am. I haven't posted until now for a couple of reasons. First, I mostly read on my phone and it's a pain to type out a long post. Second, I didn't want to use my usual forum name. Lastly, I wanted to have enough time to say hello properly.

Sorry for not using my normal name. I've come across some of you on other threads. The problem is I use my forum name for other online things, and I didn't want this to pop up on a Google. Silly, I know, but I'm really not ready for other people to know about our TTC experiences yet, and it felt a bit risky.

So, about us.. This feels weirdly egotistical, but I guess it helps to know where newbies are at. I'm 33 now, OH is about to turn 38. When we met in 2008 I was on depo-provera injections. As it can take a while to wear off, I stopped taking that in early 2009 (aged 29), fully expecting it to take up to a year to start ovulating normally again. By summer 2010 we were concerned enough to see our GP. He ordered bloods, SA and internal scan for me. My tests all came back normal, OH's SA was a bit sub-normal, but the GP didn't seem very bothered. We didn't go back for repeat tests, but thought we'd stay 'au natural' for a bit longer.

Life rather took over, as it does, and only a few weeks ago did we go to our new GP. I've just had all my bloods and internal scan thing. On Monday we're going to the hospital for OH's blood and SA. Then we're off on holiday, and we'll see our GP when we get back, to get the results.

We're pretty sure there's a problem with OH. He and his previous wife never managed to conceive, and he's had poor SA results in the past. I've used those ovulation test sticks and seem to be getting an LH surge, my cycle's very regular, and no other diagnosed problems, but of course there's always a chance there could be something

For a long time I wasn't that bothered about children, but it all changed when I met OH, and now I do find it really upsetting when friends get pregnant. On Thursday my best friend announced that she's PG with her second, and it has knocked us for six. This afternoon we have to go to some friends' daughter 1st birthday party and I'm dreading it. Today is CD1 which doesn't help. I swear, if ANY of the smug parents today (and there will be many) ask me when we're going to have children I'm leaving. I notice these days just how insensitive people can be, and I'm not feeling ready to go public yet, so amn't prepared to use any of the cutting responses I rehearse when I walk out of the room.

Wow, sorry for the slightly stroppy first post! I really love this forum, and I think you all seem really lovely. I'm always happy to see a BFP here! I just hope that one day I'll have my own to share.

Cheers all,

Floaty

teaandcakeordeath

Welcome Floaty[/B- You're braver than I am going to a parent and child dense location! I can't even walk through my local boots at the moment as they've kindly moved all of the baby clothes and paraphernalia to the front of the shop. I avoid anything to do with children at the moment. I can't bear leaving the house at the moment as I know there's babies and pregnant women *out there*...

Fingers crossed all of your tests come back ok.

mrshappy

Welcome floaty, good luck with your tests x
teaandcake, hope you're okay, each step and decision takes some time to get used to and get your head around, good luck with yous FS appt when you go x
WTDN-hope you have a shy one

Does anyone know why men are so stupid and annoying? I try not to complain about him too much because he is good, but !!!!!!, he has irritated the life out of me this morning and is now away to his work in a mood and I'm sitting bubbling I really wish he would think before he opens his mouth, he really is a tactless and thoughtless !!!!. Grrrrrrr, that is all I have to say before I toodle off to do the housework and "your usual stuff while I'm at work" that I do, because clearly keeping a clean house, laundry, cooking etc, working full time and setting up my own business is just wifey usual stuff, !!!!, that on top of him telling me last week that he is tired when he gets in from work because he works harder than me has really annoyed me! and breath, aaaahhhhhhh

tea_lover

Sorry if this isn't quite the right place but I don't know where to post. Am freaking out a bit today. After being so good before otd now can't stop testing. Problem is, the lines are taking ages to show & seem to be getting lighter. I've got no symptoms at all, but it would be pretty early for that anyway.

I've stupidly over-googled and have now really scared myself that it's all going wrong.

Why can't we have betas?? At least then I'd know.

abis21

Hi tea. My lines didn't darken at the beginning of this pregnancy either and I freaked big style after an early miscarriage the cycle before and my partial molar last year.

Everyone said you shouldn't use line darkening as an indicator but obv this didn't stop me peeing on more sticks. At 21dpo I was still getting a v v v pale barely there line on a IC test. Superdrug and frer tests did give a better line.

I went to the docs and got referred for blood tests but this also increased anxiety.

As rubbish as it is there is nothing you can do at this stage to alter what happens. Its just a waiting and praying for the best game now

Sending lots of hugs and positive vibes your way xxxxx

mrshappy

Step away from Dr Google tea Could you maybe have the weird opposite of line eye? x

tea_lover

Thanks ladies, I know I need to step away from the peesticks & google....easier said than done!

At least the snooker's started, hopefully that will calm me down....I do love snooker!

Runnerduck

welcome floaty xx

teaandcake, hope things go well at your appointment xx

tea lover, i know it's torture, maybe see if you can have an early scan to put your mind at rest, as i had one before 6 weeks and saw the heartbeat, as i was a nervous wreck and that calmed me a bit

becca0417

Welcome floaty xx

Tea I have no advice but have been thinking of you and crossing everything that everything is going well x

tea_lover

Nervous wreck sounds about right!! And as ever OH is being as helpful as dysentry. He said yesterday that we should go out for dinner tonight, so far so good. He's then spent the last 5hrs !!!!ing about with his van and then decided to go and look at a job, at 8pm when he knows I've been hungry since about 4. So I've ended up going to aldi to get a flaming ready meal, and apparently I'm being unreasonable. I've told him to get out of my face & stay at his mum's.

I don't know why I'm even surprised anymore, he's always been a selfish d.ickhead. I stupidly thought that going through ivf, then being pg & terrified might make him put me first for once. Wrong again.