The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

tea_lover

I'm telling myself that Thursday is now OTD as that's when we have the appointment lol. At least it's 8am so I won't have to be waiting around all day. Also that will be 2 years exactly since we got the keys to our house, which for some reason I've now convinced myself is a good sign.

I'm still on cyclogest and I've read that can delay AF - as well as give you any number of symptoms to mess with your head. So who knows?!

I'm 14 dp EC today and no spotting or anything so that could be a good sign, or could just be the cyclogest.

Symptom-wise not much really - boobs a bit sore, upset stomach, wake up v early, spend the rest of the day falling asleep. But all of those could be due to meds, or just the waiting!

ETA: and I was a right grumpy cow yesterday and a complete greedy pig - but they're both quite standard for me

tea_lover

Also (I'm on a roll now lol)....

I posted a while back about a dream I had where my nan (who died a few years ago) said my baby was due a week before Christmas. This was before we had the dates for icsi. Then our first cycle was cancelled and we got put back a few weeks. I thought there wasn't enough year left for me to have a due date before Christmas. Have only just worked out how ivf pg's are dated, and according to all the calculators I can find my EDD would be around the 22nd Dec, possibly earlier for multiples.

I was talking about tiny tears with my niece on saturday, and my mum reminded me how I always had two of them. I had a double buggy, bunk-beds, matching sets of clothes, and insisted on taking them both on holiday.

So as you see it's either a) meant to be, or b) all been too much for my mind!

teaandcakeordeath

Fingers crossed for option A.

bigzippy

Fingers crossed, tealover! :j

Hope you're doing ok tcd?

Thanks ladies. Hubby's not managing all that well, but hoping we get the scan date through v soon, so at least we know how long we're waiting. :cool: In better news though, I've lost 80 lbs Only 4 lbs left till the elusive ivf referral weight... I'm gonna try temping this cycle, I think. It never "worked" for me previously, as my cycles were just crazy, but now they're shorter & more regular I'm hoping to find out what my lp is. We're not bothering with the clomid or cbfm this cycle cos I'm not sure dh could handle it anyway, so no pressure this cycle... Even though I so desperately want a baby I spent much of last week's with my close friend's newborn, and while it didn't upset me at all at the time, afterwards I ferrel like something is really missing. It feels so natural and (dare I say) easy to me, looking after babies, and yet there's nothing "natural" about how my body won't do this naturally!

So yes, the Zippy house is struggling a little right now

teaandcakeordeath

Hugs BZ. Everything about what you're going through sounds tough. I hope the scan date comes through soon so that you and your OH can relax. Fingers crossed everything is good for you both. Congrats on the weight loss! That's an incredible weight loss- what have you been doing to get there?

I'm quite down to be honest. I'm not working at the moment- I just feel like breaking down every 10 minutes which I don't think is conducive to a healthy work state of mind. I've got my Mum really worried about me as well which is really upsetting as I feel like I'm dragging everyone down but I don't know how to feel any other way. She's offered to pay for me to go and see the FS privately again so I can find out about my UU size and if babies are even a possibility. I can't face going early though as I'm dreading bad news but equally I'm driving myself mad thinking about everything. *le sigh* No idea what to do...

I found this blog though which is one of the only things that's made me laugh over the past few weeks:

http://www.999reasonstolaugh.com/

It's a 'humourous' look at infertility- thought I'd warn in case people click on and get upset. It's pretty good though- I read other infertility blogs fearing that they're gonna get pregnant (I'm nice like that) whereas this blog is not a standard look at infertility and the treatments someone is going through... More a look at the BS people say...

TeamLowe

lots of love to the Zippy household, hope your husband has an allclear scan soon.
i know what you mean about it feeling 'easy' to look after children. it's exhausting but seems to come naturally to me and it's really satisfying. i said to DH before, there's nothing in my career, in my education, that made me half as satisfied as getting my fussy niece off to sleep in my arms does.
congratulations on the weight loss, it's amazing! Inositol has really helped take the lbs off me but i'm sure i'll put them all back on again next week in NYC

Tea Lover you're a lot more patient than me! But i understand wanting to live in the world of not knowing a bit longer, that's how i feel about every 2ww, i actually prefer it x

tea_lover

teaandcakeordeath wrote: »

I found this blog though which is one of the only things that's made me laugh over the past few weeks:

http://www.999reasonstolaugh.com/

This is freaking brilliant!! So true

BZ - I really hope you get the scan appt soon and that it's all good news. Thinking of you both xx. Oh, and congrats again on your amazing weightloss, I hope you're very proud of yourself!

TACOD - big hugs x. It's tough deciding on those next steps. FWIW, I'd want an appt as I tend to work best with all the information I can get my hands on. I feel like if I know what the potential problem is, I'm halfway to sorting it. However, I appreciate that sometimes it's all just too much and we want to stay at home and not have to put our brains through thinking about all of this. I hope you're feeling a bit brighter soon x.

fluffnutter

teaandcakeordeath wrote: »

Hugs BZ. Everything about what you're going through sounds tough. I hope the scan date comes through soon so that you and your OH can relax. Fingers crossed everything is good for you both. Congrats on the weight loss! That's an incredible weight loss- what have you been doing to get there?

I'm quite down to be honest. I'm not working at the moment- I just feel like breaking down every 10 minutes which I don't think is conducive to a healthy work state of mind. I've got my Mum really worried about me as well which is really upsetting as I feel like I'm dragging everyone down but I don't know how to feel any other way. She's offered to pay for me to go and see the FS privately again so I can find out about my UU size and if babies are even a possibility. I can't face going early though as I'm dreading bad news but equally I'm driving myself mad thinking about everything. *le sigh* No idea what to do...

As someone who's always anxious about health matters, I'd say go and find out. As soon as possible. For a few reasons - things are unlikely to be as bad as you fear so the sooner you find out your options, the more quickly this nagging dread can be relieved. Equally the sooner you know your options, the quicker you can start planning your next steps; this will give you hope. Additionally the more time you spend worrying about things, the more you tend to build them up in your mind until only the worst case scenario is possible.

I generally find a chat with the doctors the best thing to put my mind at rest and make me feel hopeful and positive again. You're torturing yourself at the moment (understandably so). I think you really, really need to find out precisely what's possible and take it from there. Onwards and upwards, my love.

teaandcakeordeath

Thanks fluff. You're the voice of reason that I wish lived in my head. I used to be normal before all this. I could cope like a coping mo-fo- seriously....

I've emailed the doctors receptionist to see if he can access both our medical records as there's not much point in paying if he can't. If he can then I'll book the appointment.

teaandcakeordeath

teaandcakeordeath wrote: »

Thanks fluff. You're the voice of reason that I wish lived in my head. I used to be normal before all this. I could cope like a coping mo-fo- seriously....

I've emailed the doctors receptionist to see if he can access both our medical records as there's not much point in paying if he can't. If he can then I'll book the appointment.

ETA:

I used to feel the same way tea and wanted all of the information so I could deal with it and come up with an appropriate plan (I do love a good plan). Now I just dread the next punch of information as everything so far has been so rubbish that I'm terrified the next punch will finish me off.

Glad you like the site- it had me howling before...