oi what you doing here

elantan

savingholmes wrote: »

Hi El

One of the changes I have made is now I rarely give money. I also rarely pay for other people's meals or drinks altho I sometimes explain before we go out - that we are skint and trying to pay off our debts so that there is no expectation there that I will....

What I am still happy to do tho is give our spare stuff away - never got the hang of ebay or car booting really - and it still allows me the pleasure of giving. I also act as a conduit for other people to give clothes etc thro me to my friends so that is also nice. I have also reduced how much we give to charity and now give more of my time and energy instead.....

I am now also no longer too proud to give or recieve things via freecycle either... Now that was a problem initially with my rescuer mentality - if someone posted a wanted item - I wanted to solve it for them - but once I saw that there was a massive pool of other people who were prepared to meet those needs it meant I felt far more relaxed about only giviing something when it suited us.... Quite a good test tho!

Perhaps something like that would work for you?

you know it is interesting you bring this up ....i have over the last few years (having been burned several times now and learned my lesson) stopped giving money to charity, or aquaintances ...(it was just close friends and family) i now do volunteer work instead (soup kitchen, red cross, local volunteer group) due to working in the soup kitchen we are often given things to take in, we also cook a meal for 15 people a month (for the soup kitchen) and we take things in we dont need ...this had solved alot of our issues with helping strangers etc and i was very comfortable with this... it was more i think to do with ...you know how when you really trust someone and let them into your life and you do help each other out in what ever way you can there is no i did this so you must do that in it ...it is all what you can do to help each other out( rarely money) usually skills are exchanged ...and in this case it wasnt the money that tipped me over the edge it was the disrespect for me by the other person ...(i really dont do disrespect on anyones part)

i also think that the person involved has read this ....we chat every day for hours at a time (atleast 2 hours a day) and i havnt heard from this person since... i have left texts and i phoned but got the answer machine ...this has left me with a whole other thought process to go through...oh the joys of life lol

elantan

right update


you know how when you decide something and then as if by magic you are tested on the decision you have made ...well... last night (friday) i had a phone call from a person i know quite well she is a nice person and i like her quite a bit ...she is a simgle mother with three kids and is really struggling with money she worked 16 hours a week and claimed child tax credits but her work cut her down to 9 hours so she wasnt entitled to the money any more or something ...so i know things have been hard for her for a while now ....anyhoo she phoned me up to chat and was letting me know how worried she was ...and i instantly became detatched...it is quite strange to be honest ...i took this step back ...normally i wouldve lifted money and bought her food (and went further into debt to do so) this time i explained to her about the soup kitchen and what it provides...and you know what she accepted it and said that yes it was something she might take up ...now whether she does or not is not for me to decide it is her decision...but i have done all i can ...

secondly hubby helps a friend of his ...his friend bought a grass cutting business but had no one to help him cut the grass so he asked hubby if he would do it ...hubby said yeah if it helps you then thats fine (do you see a pattern developing here lol) so for the last two years he has been helping his friend once a fortnight (for 4 months of the year) when ever he can (not if we have somewhere to go or if hubby was ill etc) now hubby's health is getting alot worse and i have became more worried about him so i asked him several times to cut back on this hubby says no he is just starting out he needs someone that wont rip him off ...but in the interim ...hubby is working for his friend from 9-4 on the saturday and friend starts his bil now friend and bil drink together go to footie together etc ...hubby's work day started to last till 6pm and yet when he was out with bil they were finished for 12pm ...hubby did get some money for helping him (but it is less than £4 an hour and very hard work ...hubby wasnt doing it for the money it wasnt worth the money) bil got alot more money (this is ok with hubby you have to look after family etc and he had young kids and again hubby wasnt doing it for the money) now last time hubby was out till 6pm he came in really really ill took a good few days to recover so i put my foot down and said no you are not working till 6pm again no later than 4pm that is helping him enough...so next time hubby said listen i need to be home for 4pm i need to do something ...ok so he finished at 4pm ...this weekend (saturday) he made an excuse look sorry i need to visit someone the friend said yeah ok dropped him off then handed him his m oney minus £10 ...now again it isnt about the money but he came in and told me and again i became detatched (looking at it from a different perspective) and said ...i can just imagine his wife last time he went in at 4.30 pm saying "what you doing back so early" him replying "well mr el had to be home for 4pm" and her saying "and did you give him all the money" and him saying "yes" and her saying "well you better not do that again you are running a business and he gets enough as it is" ( i'm not a huge fan of his wifes) ....hubby looked at me and said "you know when you said that there i could actually hear her voice saying that" ...he decided there and then that he had had enough ...


very interesting this taking a step back lol

elantan

now for finances ...


right sat down with hubby ...he was surprisingly eager to repeat last months excercise ...

debt has went down by £1,350 in the last month ...now this was a total fluke and only happened because hubby got a good wage and i got a lot of overtime aswell and also because i closed the various accounts that were lying around and having the odd bit of money in here and there ....

this month is going to be harder and yet i know we will pay off atleast £250 from our debt and that is approx how much it will be a month from now on till it has gone and i am fine with that it is going in the right direction and if i ever get more overtime etc i will pay that little bit more to it


wow that was short he he

hypno06

Hi el, it really looks like you are starting to get things straight in your mind.....hubby too. Things will soon settle down, but you are right, seeing things in a different perspective can be a bit strange when you are not expecting it!

JAMIEDODGER

Elantan - just read the whole thread and wanted to say well done for coming back! I too find it beneficial to look at things from a detatched perspective:) Thats a huge amount you paid off the debt and I hope you meet your target for the coming month!

elantan

thanks hypno yes it is a rather strange experiance funnily enough heard from said friend this morning phoning looking for a lift into edinburgh and for me to take photos for her ... now this i wouldve done but i have just finished night shift so cant... but it was nice to be able to look at the other side as well ...not to have to just say no to everything and i saw that from the detached thing again ...but i was still very aware this was the first i had heard from her in days etc


hey jammie nice to see you over here ...glad you loved that thread it has had me chuckling often ...yeah it was a fantastic amount to have paid off i know it wont happen like that again but it was good to get started ...kinda like when you start a diet and loose quiet a bit in your first week then it slows down from there ...

right scratchies done for the day a whole 20p every bit helps ...have checked the bank accounts everything seems in order am trying to think of a challange or something that i can do to keep me focussed ...not very good at challanges to be honest but maybe something like your squares thing might help me hypno...

oh and as i was on my way home i managed to come into contact with the worlds first kamakazi pigeon...i swear i think it had one of those bands with a picture on it ...now i saw a pigeon get literally squashed under a tyre once ...i was sitting at the lights waiting to go and the car at the opposite side was doing the same ...this pigeon decided it liked the crumbs lying on the ground right in from of the other car so it popped on down for a wee nosey ...when the lights went green the car rolled forward and the pigeon kinda like exploded like if you squeeze something from the sides hard enough it goes bang type thing ...well anyway this kamakzi pigeon today just decided to use my car as it's target i couldnt stop i was on the motor way and if i stopped i stood to be the blame of a pile up ...so there i was seeing this pigeon and thinking oh no i cant do anything ...it obviously couldnt read my mind either that or didnt care ...so it carried on flying towards me ...i heard it bang the windscreen then looked in the rear view mirror and saw all the feathers ....all i could think about was the image of the pigeon from years ago (that image jas stayed with me for years) i feel sorry i killed it and wish i hadnt...i wonder if it's bad luck or anything to kill a pigeon ...back luck that is for a human i think it is a given it's bad luck for the pigeon

hypno06

Oops re the pigeon - I don't think the world will miss one pigeon though, so I am sure bad luck won't come your way.

Anyway, you may find that it is offset by one of its mates crapping on you later in the week.........:rolleyes:

elantan

love it laughing out loud at that one :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

JAMIEDODGER

elantan wrote: »

as i was on my way home i managed to come into contact with the worlds first kamakazi pigeon

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

mizmir

Hi El - changing perspective is a very good thing to try - glad it is helping you. You've made a massive start on the debt - who cares if it is a "fluke" - you've done it - you could've just as easily spent the extra money so well done you. And good Mr El is on side with it too. I'm trying to be very careful this time round to be realistic and not try to do everything at break neck speed. Sounds like you are planning carefully too.

Ooops to the pigeon - sounds messy!