A fresh start

Seaxwyn

1st of the month and my debt stands at £28,017.12. That's £19.89 less than last month. And as the loan and credit cards went down by £550, that means the overdrafts have gone up....

November should be better as I have £1200 of freelance pay to come in some time.

No changes with the OH situation. I couldn't really ask him to leave, as he has nowhere to go and the children would hate us to split up. I feel really trapped, as if I have tried every approach and he still won't shift himself to make a serious effort to find work OR to do much about the house.

I have moaned about him on here for four years and that hasn't helped either. I can't change him, the only person I can change is me so I should make an effort to rise above it and stop being so trapped in negative patterns of resentment and anger.

hypno06

Seaxwyn wrote: »

No changes with the OH situation. I couldn't really ask him to leave, as he has nowhere to go and the children would hate us to split up. I feel really trapped, as if I have tried every approach and he still won't shift himself to make a serious effort to find work OR to do much about the house.

I will reply to this one fully later on.....but basically I will say that

a) he will find somewhere to go. There are rental places.....
b) he will manage, moneywise. As will you.
c) the children will be upset, but if my kids are anything to go by, they would now HATE the thought of us being back together. Things are much more relaxed at home, and they still see their Dad regularly, so are not at any sort of disadvantage.

There's always a way.....(as I have learned the hard way this year lol!).

x

TallGirl

I am a lurker on your thread and I admire the way you keep everything together. However I think you need to rethink the option of Bankruptcy, it would take the financial pressure of you and let you care for your dad and just do enough freelance to cover your needs. Sorry if you feel I have butted in but please give National Debtline a call or visit your local CAB for bankruptcy advice.

chevalier

Seax I will reply in the morning. Too tired now and want to write carefully
chev

Karmacat

Seax, I remember not so very long ago, you were struggling to keep the debt below £30k, it kept springing back up, and now you're definitely down around £28,000 .... I know its a terrible strain for you, with doing it so much on your own, but it *is* going in the right direction.... lots of hugs for you.

taxi73

lots of hugs from me as can't find the right words.
Hypno has some valid points and I will leave it to her wise words...you do not have to be trapped.

Sea78

Hi Seaxwyn

I echo Hypno...but it's sooo hard.

Massive hugs sweetie - I hope that he pulls his finger out - it reminds me of a close friend -she made these threats to her OH for years and finally something snapped. Guess what? She's sooo much happier, the kids are ok and will be ok and things are much calmer between her and the exOH as they still have a close relationship due to the children.

This is your LIFE. Do you want to be saying the same thing next year, and the year after that and for another 4 years?

Sea xxxxxxx

Seaxwyn

Thanks everyone for all the kind and wise comments. I really am in two minds about this. I don't think it would be right to throw OH out - for lots of reasons. He has this major hang up about working but in other areas he is a really good partner and father and he doesn't deserve to be given the cold shoulder.

But then I don't deserve to live with a parasitic slug either..... You see how my mind just goes round and round in the same tedious rut!

Savvy_sewing

Seaxwyn wrote: »

Thanks everyone for all the kind and wise comments. I really am in two minds about this. I don't think it would be right to throw OH out - for lots of reasons. He has this major hang up about working but in other areas he is a really good partner and father and he doesn't deserve to be given the cold shoulder.

But then I don't deserve to live with a parasitic slug either..... You see how my mind just goes round and round in the same tedious rut!

When DS was 1 years old, and I had the twins and Biggest of Mooloo, I made my then hubby go to his mothers for 6 weeks to give me a break and time to think. I managed so well I never had him back!
He thought that i would not cope without him but I did, and got on much better, live was easier! Even though its been a tough life in so many ways, having him back was never an option!!

Sorry, thats my slant!.

what ever you decide to do, you must be happy, or the children wont. Nobodyelse can walk in your shoes, only you can.

Hugs Mooloo

Seaxwyn

It's heading towards the end of the month and I hope I might just end the month in the £26ks, thanks to quite a lot of freelance pay coming in this month. That would be a real boost.

However another issue has given me a wake-up call. My DS has been getting into trouble at school recently and today we were called in for a conference. It's surprised everyone as he has always been a good boy, but recently has been very defiant and it culminated in him trashing his classroom yesterday. I am very shocked and upset and think a lot of it may be due to his being rather neglected, with me being out at work all week and often occupied with running, politicking or whatever at the weekend. And my OH is very distracted and not very hands-on. So now we have to pull ourselves together and focus back on our son.

I have told my boss I want to go part-time, and he understands, but i have to find secure freelance work to make up the lost income OR Oh has to get a job. I have worn myself out wishing for the latter option though so I will concentrate on looking for work myself and he finds anything, that is a bonus. He is now off the teaching rota at the college after only a few weeks, though they see he is still on the staff and will be back on the rota sometime.