A fresh start

Wordsmith

Sorry things not great, Seaxwyn. It's probably not helped by the excitement in the lead-up to the election and the inevitable flat feeling once it is over.

You sound overwhelmed - and who wouldn't be with what you have on your plate.

Re OH - could you go to Relate? Sorry if you've done this, or it's been mentioned before - quite likely, but I can't remember. I think you can go on your own, if he doesn't want to go with you. It would give you an outlet for your emotions and someone to steer your thinking. And changing your username on here is a good idea of ZTD's - I think when it affects your finances, which it does, it is entirely appropriate to post such matters on this site. Just give those who you want to know your new name. Although maybe reading your thoughts isn't such a bad thing for your OH - if he won't talk, it is a way of letting him know how you feel. It doesn't have to be a slagging of him, just your thoughts and need for advice.

Re the paperwork, could you pay someone either to help do the big initial sort-out, or to spend a couple of hours a week helping you? I know that's easy to dismiss as an idea as you feel that you couldn't afford it, but since you can earn so much more an hour than an admin assistant would cost, would it not be worth it, especially bearing in mind that you feel bogged down by the sheer enormity of it and run the risk of overlooking expenses or not paying bills on time because you have missed them?

I hope things feel a bit more positive by the end of the day and you have sorted out some paperwork and feel a bit more in control.

All the very best.

Seaxwyn

My debt total for 1 June is 24184.73.

That's a drop of just £264.81 from 1 May - not good enough.

We are about to have major work done on our house - shoring up against subsidence and repairing a long crack in the side wall. This will be covered by insurance but we have to pay £1,000 excess, so I need to think about where to get that. We will however get all the internal redecoration done on the insurance, that will be a bonus.

Otherwise, things are muddling on as ever. I am feeling increasing pressure to find a new job as I really am not suited to my current one. I am not quite sure what to look for.

hypno06

It IS good enough - the debt is reducing.

OK, so the work on the house has to be funded, but these things crop up from time to time, and they just have to be dealt with. £1000 in the grand scheme of things, for the amount of work to be done, is not so bad, and it will preserve your investment in your property for many more years to come.

Keep going x

Wordsmith

With what you have had to deal with over the last few months, I'd say it's amazing it has gone down by that much, so you should be well pleased ... all that pressure and still the debt is reducing. Give yourself some slack - you have had to do an awful lot of plate spinning, and a few of them might have wobbled but none have them have smashed.

The house payment is a bummer, but, as hypno said, it happens - and thank God for insurance.

What is happening about freelance work? Any updates? And how is the council work going?

Re the job, if you could not worry about any other factors, what would you love to do?

chevalier

glad to hear that the crack is covered on the insurance. what a weight that must be off your mind.

you know my views on your OH. I am sad there is no improvement.

Ref the job. Remember the old adage about not jumping ship without a life jacket, so make sure you have the means to preserve your finances after you leave
chev

Seaxwyn

Thanks all.

I am amending my 1 June total to 23934.73, as I got paid for a freelance job (and paid my subcontractor). It feels really good to be in the £23ks! And the month's drop is £514.81, which feels better.

I had a nice day today looking after my dad. I cut his hedge, which was very satisfying, and took him to a computers-for-the-blind course which I thoroughly enjoyed. I learned loads myself from the excellent blind tutor.

So quick summary of where I;m at on other fronts:

Work - bleurgh - my job has changed into something which I don't have the skills for or the interest to acquire them. I haven't made proper soundings about freelance work, I have been offered various bits but not enough to make me confident enough to give up paid employment. I need to have a more serious look at what I could do. Wordsmith, if I could forget about all the other factors I would like to work in landscape or heritage interpretation, I think. But the jobs I've seen in that field are either very low paid or require knowledge that I don't have. And Chev, don't worry, I am not going to jump ship, much as I would like to.

Council work - daunting in that there is so much potentially to be done, but interesting. I need to improve my management of it a bit but I'm generally optimistic.

Building - major repairs are going to happen, I am so relieved they will be covered by insurance.

OH - Chev I know your views and I 99% share them. But I don't feel I can cast him off, just as I wouldn't leave my blind old father to fend for himself I don't feel I can leave my hopeless OH. Not yet anyway. I am resigned that for the next few years, i have to subordinate my own freedom to family wellbeing and for now, the children are definitely keen on their dad staying around. Meanwhile I can make plans for when they are all grown up.

Wordsmith

A reduction almost TWICE what you thought! That's amazing. Now I'm just jealous.

I'm so glad you had a good day with your dad. It will have done you and him good, and a memory to treasure.

How long is it until your children are grown up?

Seaxwyn

My youngest child just turned ten. The one who is most attached to OH is 16. But I really think it would be traumatic for everyone if I were to separate from him.

chevalier

Seaxwyn wrote: »

My youngest child just turned ten. The one who is most attached to OH is 16. But I really think it would be traumatic for everyone if I were to separate from him.

And it is less traumatic when you lose your temper over finances, or something else he hasn't done. Isn't it traumatic for them to see a deeply unhappy mother and a father who is uncomprehending about it all?

Children adapt. Yes they would be upset at first, but do you REALLY think it is a good idea to tie yourself to your OH for at least say 6 years til the youngest turns 16? And could I just point out that even if this is your thought, then the 16 year old will be leaving for university in 2 years....

Honestly if you are going to put up with him (you only live once is put up with him good enough for you REALLY? What signal does this give your daughters?), then go on a DMP so that at least you don't have the financial pressure on yourself.

But don't carry both burdens,
chev

MatyMoo

*sneaks out of lurkedom*

To add to what Chev has said, my parents separated when I was 11 and my siblings 16 & 19 with what seemed to me no warning (there were never any arguments in front of us) and I was devastated...... for about 5 minutes.

Life goes on and you soon realise that the non resident parent is not dead and you still get to see them and time spent with them is usually better as they are concentrating on you and not pottering about doing stuff at home. The resident parent has a tough time holding it all together BUT the weight that has lifted off their shoulders makes them so much happier that it is like living in a new family.

Just my experience.....

*runs quickly back to lurkedom*