Advice re OH and house buying

delain

yes he was very nasty. the most inventive thing he did was break the fridge by slamming my head in the door (the door then fell off). needless to say i got shot of him soon after!

Ask his dad what his parents would have done in his situation.As he has his own home his parents presumably would have done the right thing!

skintchick

How old is your OH? And how old are you?

ema_o

I'm not saying that I think you should buy a house together (my concerns are the same as everyone else posting), but if you do come to the decision that you do want to you can buy as tenants in common and have a declaration of trust drawn up which could be written to protect your initial investment - so he wouldn't be entitled to half the house if you split up.

mrsbeaton

I am 40, he is 37.

Ema, thats really interesting, If we do buy I will need to protect my investment, after all its all to go to my dd when I go.

skintchick

mrsbeaton wrote: »

I am 40, he is 37.

Ema, thats really interesting, If we do buy I will need to protect my investment, after all its all to go to my dd when I go.

I'm going to be harsh here, but if he is this much of a loser at 37 why do you want to be with him?

At that age I'd expect him to have his own property and to be bringing money into the household, not paying you a paltry sum and pocketing the rest of his wage.

If you were my mate, I'd simply be saying 'dump him' or at the very least make him move out.

He sounds like he is taking advantage. If he were 19 I'd be less harsh, but he's a grown man! Why has he made so little of his life?

For me, and I can only speak personally, that would have me running a mile.

mrsbeaton

I do understand what you are saying skintchick, and i would probably say the same if it were my friend in this situation.

I put a lot of it down to his childhood, his poor mother has always been mentally ill, when he was 4 she locked herslef in the bathroom, and slit her wrists, he saw his dad break the door down, and paramedics carrying his mother out covered in blood and screaming 'let me die'. She went into hospital for about a year, and she was worse when she came out, I am not being rude about her because I feel sorry for her, but she is like a zombie all of the time.

He had instances like this the whole time he was growing up, and I know that is has affected him deeply, he never really had a mum.

But honestly, he really is the nicest bloke I have ever known, we do so much together, we are always laughing, it sounds like I am making excuses for him, but he is genuinley (sp) a nice bloke.

delain

ema_o wrote: »

I'm not saying that I think you should buy a house together (my concerns are the same as everyone else posting), but if you do come to the decision that you do want to you can buy as tenants in common and have a declaration of trust drawn up which could be written to protect your initial investment - so he wouldn't be entitled to half the house if you split up.

And if he throws his toys out of the pram about that, then you will know he's all about the money x

sounds harsh, but personally i don't think he's committed to your relationship, just an easy life.

HariboJunkie

I think some of the comments about him are very harsh.

It's not just that he is younger in real terms but he lacks the maturity you have gained from years as a struggling single mum MrsB and of course that frustrates you but it's not necessarily his fault that he's different to you.

There are clearly issues from his childhood and he may be committment phobic but that doesn't mean that alarm bells should be ringing about the whole relationship.;)

If you want the relationship to continue at all, then please put the house move on hold and work on the relationship first. I don't think you can do this alone and I would say it was time for counselling.

I think he does love you but he needs to know that he's hurting you.

Take care honey. xxx

Phudge

I was married to a man who refused to buy a property as he was scared of the commitment. He prefered the easy life , still does. Bring home the wages, pay for his room in a shared house , pay his bills and food and that's it. He's 43 and will never change. Like your OH he was a nice man, we just didn't share any long-term aspirations.

For the past 8 years my now partner and I have lived together and we are about to buy our second home together, having sold our previous home and moved to the seaside and rented for a while until house prices dropped a little. To me it is important to share the same goals and it sounds as though you and your OH simply don't. I can see why you feel resentful - it must be like having another teenager!

I am curious to know what he does with the other £500 or so he earns?? Seems pretty cushy to me!

Blackpool_Saver

Why can't you move to this other area yourself? is it more expensive?