I want to be a MFW........ LP's Diary

KolaKube

LP I have to agree on this car business... I really don't think you should have to sacrifice your car to pay off OHs debt (unless you're desperate at some future point obviously) - it sounds like it's 'his' debt (don't get me wrong, I'm all for couples sharing money, helping each other out etc - I hope it doesn't come across selfish, but I don't think you should be going to the extent where the sacrifices are painful for the 'non-spender'). You need it to get around and to maintain your independence, especially if you're going to be off on mat leave! OH and I do share a car which he takes to work and that just about works out ok because we live near brill transport links and I don't have three small children to cart around on a daily basis...!

LilacPixie

Cath - code on the glitch board for woolworths. works out at £25 delivered

LilacPixie

I just had a marathon present wrapping session very sore now but TBH mobility won't get better so i needed to get it over with.

with regards to OH and his 'debt' it is still a huge huge problem between us TBH. When he moved in he was still a student so i paid 'bills' and he used to pay the odd weeks shopping or night out or silly things like pair of shoes for me or a bag or something clothing wise. TBH he worked part time 20 hours a week as well and has a little car so I just thought that the no bills other than car which seemed to cost alot in repairs because it was a stupid boy racer 13 yo nova. My dad then replaced his car so 'gave' OH his mondeo. Better on fuel, bigger, safer, more reliable and cheaper to run. she was 10 but still a great car with only 70k on clock. OH then sold his nova. You know i was still going out with my friends, he was going out with his etc etc. Looking back he was earning just under £700 a month and spending every single penny then his 'treats' and the odd weeks shopping he was slamming on a credit card, then another then another while paying minimum payments or asking his bank to up the overdraft. If the majority of the debt came about paying for half our lifestyle I would have more sympathy and compassion because I earn/earned more than he does and did so if he was trying to keep up then fair enough but he wasn't he was just doing as he always did. We have since replaced the mondeo with a newer car in 2008 from our ISA savings, I'm saving into an ISA and he is matching it with no let on that actually he is still spending on then consolodating then spending on again cards.

Now I would love to be moving into our forever home, on our gross saleries plus what should of been excess income since april/may time should of enabled up to buy a 4 bed house at 200ish k with a deposit 20% but instead its a 120k house with a 10% deposit. Even although debt will be gone in a few years we will have 2-3 years of paying a higher interest rate than what we would of been. you never know I maybe still would of wanted the 120k house but the rate charges would of been considerably lower. not only have we been throwing a large amount of monthly wage at that but holiday didn't happen, ISA was emptied etc.

We can't live in the past but a bit of oh I messed up big style, lots of time and work needed to clear up my mess mostly by my wife (financially linked I cannot have his defaulting with my career) and he is oh we should sell your car and pay that over well balls to that.

Plus my cousins aged 21 and 25, both in building trade said they have no football this week fo if i wanted they would come over with a van and help C clear out rubbish from attic and do a few runs to the skip/charity shop etc with bags and boxes and some other things that we don't need but other family members wanted they would go deliver them (drawers, dressing table, excess tiles from bathroom, some floor lamps etc). Great I said. OH then told his dad he couldn't help him today because busy etc etc. No I cannot stand my FIL, he is an idiot, a bully and OH and BIL are both shocked that I tell him exactly that. Now I do not like FIL being in my home, OH knows this and most of the time respects this. OH says his dad wants to help and also owns a van so they could all do it in fewer trips, one van to the dump the other to be delivering bits to new homes. Ok I say but I have sorted stuff ( my family military so planned to second and V reliable) oh say no its fine all under control don't stress out etc etc. Just after i posted OH tell me he cancelled my cousins as him and FIL just gonna do it all as he met a cousin last night who said he fancies going to pub in the afternoon to watch Celtic Vs St Jonston on TV so OH just said yeah just do that mate we will all be fine etc. FIL then arrived in his car (ford focus) because his van getting MOT'd. Now he knew this but thought it would be 'funny' to say he would help so I have went totally t!ts, gave myself a nose bleed, and had to call a cousin who had decided in actual fact he couldn't be annoyed with pub with brother to come over and he roped some random friend I have never ever met to help so I am a bit calmer but i've send OH to shops for a couple of crates of lager for my cousin and his random friend while I chill out because if OH defends or excuses his fathers behaviour one more time i will end up in hospital tonight with a blown gaskett. Oh and then before FIL left he says kids have far too much presents (as i was wrapping) and one or two would of been more than enough. Baring in bind his dads !!!!less behaviour with cash is behind bpth OH's spending and BIL is 30 and just went bankrupt for a 2nd time then i was very very close to hitting him. OH and BIL never left scotland ever, had a really poor and I mean poor like no tv, phone, toys all hand me downs from neighbours etc. OH cannot ski, ride a bike, swim, roller blade, fish etc etc. He had never seen a disney film until finding nemo but FIL has 3-4 cars, same motorbikes, a trike, built a triple garage on the house and is basically just a *inset word here that swear filter will remove* told OH he wasn't a real man because his wife earns more than him, in front of me, didn't expect me to answer back with MIL earns more than him so what is he? a unic?.

argh i need a drink but can't because i'm pregnant so i will eat a toffee apple that I ordered with my online shop and have a tin of coke.

wantabetterlife

Oh lilac pixie that is really awful...your father in law sounds like a bit of a plonker to be honest....i would have been ready to scream...at least you have got it sorted out in the end.
Do you feel like your FIL is a bit of a s**t stirrer and loves to get an argument going between you and OH? I know loads of men who go on like that and it is so pathetic! Does your new move take you further away from him?
I am due in three weeks with baby number 3 and would find all that difficult to cope with aswell.
BTW...if it was me i would not be getting rid of my car...sometimes people have to learn the hardway and if your OH pays the debt back himself you can be sure he will think twice before he does it again...can understand your resentment about the situation...my OH is terrible with money aswell...he never really got into debt but he never had any money either and always had a constant stream of bank charges. In the end i took full control of the finances...we have one bank card that stays in my purse and if he needs money i give it to him.
Some people may think this is awful but it works for us and OH is happy with our arrangement as he openly admits that he is awful with money!
Anyway goodluck with everything.

CathT

How awful LP, how dare he be so insulting. I earn slightly more than DH but seems much more cos I work a lot less hours than him yet still bring more home. If someone said that to him, he's just think 'well, good on my wife for doing well' What did your OH say?

Definitely keep hold of your car btw.

(cheers for the game tip, will have a nosey x)

gratefulforhelp_2

Oh dear. Stress of moving house not helping I guess.

LilacPixie

I am a bit calmer very sore though.

Move mean we will be living in a bigger home than FILand in a nicer area and he is very very materialistic and cannot stand that. his son have a new car, bigger home etc etc so rather than considering the son worked hard for it he would rather believe in his own head that really its because someone not linked to him worked hard and not that his offspring are doing well. FIL is an unskilled labourer, likes to make out he is a technical expert but even I can weld better than him

gratefulforhelp_2

I bet you can weld better than him!

Sounds like my ex FIL, who once memorably said "XH says he hope the baby has his looks and not yours" quick as a flash, unusually for me, I came back with "Well so long as she doesn't get his brains we'll be ok". Him I don't miss!!

LilacPixie

I can, dad an engineer. Been raised restoring old austins and VW's. Anyone who has seen one will tell you the amount of work needed on a floor pan

cha97michelle

I can't believe it has been suggested even that you lose your car. Why should you when it is you who will be left traipsing everywhere with 3 under 5s. I had a vague thought about losing mine, but even though i don't use it a lot, i would be left so isolated. Big no no unless we were desperate.