I want to be a MFW........ LP's Diary

gratefulforhelp_2

Lilac I hear you on that, having been the owner of two 1960s Morris Minors...

LilacPixie

GFN I would kill for a moggie.

'Chelle exactly. 'Mon you have all seen our SOA from many pages left. We have £1300 a month excess a month if we pay minimum to OH debts. But allowing for our mortgage overpayment. New mortgage is around £300 more a month than what we currently pay. Utilities hoping as new house has cavity wall insulation etc that costs will be similar. Insurance slightly less as this place is over 130 YO so big rebuild costs. Council tax about £40 more a month . I estimate we will have about £800 surplus a month allowing for little incidentals like a window cleaner (yay no outside windows to clean) and the man who comes on bin day and cleans and disinfects the empty bin OH's big store card has only £400 outstanding and TBH we will probably clear that after the move saving every spare penny between now and then so only meeting minimum payments. After that is 1k on a 0% card and then loan which can't be overpaid without penalty so really what is the point in selling my car?? I work 28-30 hours a week and earn a salary, after my pension etc I get a little over £1500 a month from PAYE earnings. I also have a smallish jewellery business that turns over about 18k a year profit is about 4k but i'm seriously considering expanding. I sell thru a local shop mostly wedding things, lots of crystal,pearls and silver. I have been going to silversmithing classes so wanting to expand more into a contemporary every day/work wear range. Still at the planning and costing stage but I can make rings and bangles and set stones in them etc so its something I think would be viable at some craft type fairs. I am also considering learning how to make lampword beads or maybe resin for some variety.

Really I think my freak out today is just the tip of the iceberg, I resent working my bumm off and then having to modify my wants/dreams because of OH and then being asked to sacrific even more. Especially when IMOO that more won't actually do anything major.

cha97michelle

I remembered you having a lot extra after payments. I have said before how our budget is so tight with very little left at the end, and we could have a lot more spare if i got rid of my car, but i am not willing to do it, and more to the point DH actively said no as well. He knows he relies on me too much to do stuff like the food shopping while he is at work in the week. Plus, when he works away i would be stranded. Absolutely no point.

I hope ranting on here is making you feel better. Not good for you to be getting all stressed out.

LilacPixie

yeah a rant is good for the soul but i gave myself a nose bleed so not good. We are moving into dundee but really there is asda and morrisons walking distance but its still the best part of a mile away so yeah maybe a walk there but with 3 kids how much will i be able to carry back and stuff?? Typical of my OH decided on a 'fantastic' plan to 'help' without actually thinking through the practicalities of things. Bit of a oh she says we spend too much money so lets get rid of a car. then it oh well I need my car so it would have to be hers.

LilacPixie

Anyway I need my car not up for discussion at all. I don't smoke, don't drink, rarely go out out, sacrificed monthly girls afternoon spa days started getting my sister to dye my hair instead of hairdresser and getting her friend who is a hairdresser to cut it as much much cheaper than salon and i do nails myself now. Sounding vain again. maternity clothes bought bare minimum and peacocks rather than next KWIM.

I refuse to compromise kids stuff like shoes but clothes more asda than next. Just annoyed.

pammyj74

Oh my word I have just sat and read it all! I cannot believe your OH and FIL! What an idiot FIL sounds. Its so hard when you cant really get away from them.
I too dont smoke, drink or go out much (prob two or three times a year!!) I dye my own hair and only get it cut prob twice a year.

I applaud you for wanting to try and expand your jewellery business. Its good when its something you enjoy doing. It does seem like you are doing all the hard work and OH is doing all the spending. I would do what WABL does and let him have one card with a small limit on it or not have a card at all and give him an allowance like a child who cant handle money. Why should you be putting up with his bad spending? My ex was like that and would put everything on the card and then not pay it off and of course it then built up to thousands and not just on one card! It would drive me bonkers but when we split he took them all with him as they were only in his name. Our house was only in my name thankfully so not attached to him in any way. I had a lucky break there and now I am so much better off financially than I have ever been.
I will definately be more cautious with a new partner after all my hard work.

Definately do not get rid of your car. he should get a cheaper car!

I really feel for you in this situation. You just cant change someone who has no idea about how to spend money wisely until they get that lightswitch moment themselves that its out of control and they have a family to support. You cant take it all on yourself. there are two adults in this family.

babyb06

I definitely think you should upgrade your car and not get rid of it. Whilst I know that in a relationship you should share, you also need to enjoy what you have worked hard for, you are helping your OH out already, if you do more and get rid of your car you will resent it and then him in the very near future.

I feel for you, must be tough trying to get OH to come round to your way of thinking when his dad is so rubbish and tough for you to have a FIL like that, you can't chose family!

Jewellery business sounds interesting and great it you could expand it - but with soon to be 3 kids.....that is brave! No wonder you are in such a good financial place!

coops228

LP - what a crap day!!! (((Hugs)))

I earn a lot more than OH and to be honest, none of our friends bat an eyelid fortunately. I have worked for the same firm for over 21 years and worked my way up and he's just not been so fortunate.
When we first got together all his friends used to joke he was after me for my money but I used to just tell them that I had the debts and lifestyle to match!!!!

But, I am fortunate that his family are supportive, that he is a grafter round the house and garden and as an electrician, very useful!!!

I hope you wake up today feeling a bit better!! And I couldn't live without my car and there's just me at the moment!!!

And, hey, you have your xmas pressies wrapped!!! I still have to buy most of mine!!!!!!!

XSpender

((Hugs)) for you following your run in with your idiot FIL. I understand what your DH feels about your flat. My DH was the same about mine which I owned for 5 years before he moved in. He always felt it was mine and was where he lived rather than his home. He had only moved out of home 4 months previously to a friends spare room before we met.

He also had serious debt problems when we met and I earned a lot more than him. I also had big debt problems too though. My MIL (who we no longer have anything to do with, although she contacted us for the first time in 2 years when she spotted us in the street whith DS)used to encourage DH to get anything he wanted on credit such as cars, TVs, designer clothes. DH feels it was so they were that skint they couldn't move out as she is a control freak. They too had nothing when they were young and she seemed almost to want to help spend their money for them.

When we bought this house she always referred to it as 'his' house, never ours although without me he never would have been able to get it as it was the huge amount of equity in my flat and my large salary that made it possible.

Grrr I could fill a whole thread on the antics of my MIL:mad:

LilacPixie

morning all. Feeling a bit more positive today although sore. OH went out with his friends last night thankfully because even having him in the same room was winding me up. He fell in the door about 2am and has been up vomitting since about 5am apparently it was the calzone pizza he bought and not the drink but I so do not believe that. I am making sure the kids are very very hyper and squealling alot about halloween while he lies in his pit with the hang over from hell.

Didn't get signed up for the survey sites or clicks thing yesterday, didn't have the patience but today I will.