Today is a new day!

Different_Corner

Morning PAF.
Your 6 year old is truly an angel. My 15 year old still doesn't know which is the tumble dryer and which is the washing machine, or he pretends he doesn't. ...

aplaceinthesun

Just popping in to say Hi PAF , glad to hear you are sounding positive and yay how great are those sales going, well done .
Another one here with a 15 year old that knows nothing about the washing machine or tumble drier ..... !

Keep up the good work , will check back in soon. x

turfy6

Popping to say hi, and well done you sound brilliantly positive. Well done on those sales too.:j My DD 16 wouldnt know where to start with the wm td, something I must tackle. She does however peg out for me and sort out the washing sometimes.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Well, thank you for your encouraging words re dd. Yes, by and large shes a good little girl, does her best and wants to help me. She does worry that we are "poor"! and tells me I work too hard, and couldn't we just make 3 million pounds. Well, I say that would be nice. The other weekend she was trying to sell blackberries to the neighbours for a £1 each!! I had to smile, she's getting the idea though!

So, where am I today?

Just about to go off to work, come to realise just how important this forum has become to me, my lifeline it feels at times!
Put simply today, just done banking, dd to school.
To do:
1. Have a cuppa while preparing paperwork for collecting catalogues today.
2. 165 books to collect, collect 69 this am min
3. Back home for lunch, washing machine man due to repair said machine.
4. While here do phone calls.
5. As soon as washing machine man gone go back out and collect rest of books.
6. Home, as many tel calls as poss until mum brings dd home.
7. Supper
8. Sort out books.
9. Bed

Am realising I am getting fretful about Ebay. Just don't see where I will get the time to fit what I want to load on. This weekend already filling up with chores that need doing here. I know I wil be slow to start off with, concerned about the impact on my time with dd , sorting out the house and of course working. Am thinking of asking a friend if she will help me, and I give her some money for helping me. Whatever happens, I will make money. Have pictures, jewellery, clothes, ornaments, kitchenware, all could get on there. Will consider how to go about it, but at the end of the day I need to just do it somehow, on my own or with a friend. I will target that at least 2 items are on by the end of Sept - wait to see what this auction house my neighbour recommended has to offer, otherwise the pictures wil be the first things. I'm popping to the auction rooms on sat, apparently they do well with contempory art, the other furniture Ive just parted with went to an auction house who didn't deal with contemporary art you see.

Anyway, better get off. The sun is shining. I must stay positive. Mortgage is due mon, have half the money in the bank, the rest will be in by sat am so need to stop worrying about that. Action!. All is well, all is ok!!!

Different_Corner

PAF,
Even if you list one thing a day on ebay you'll make a difference, plus it's not always good to have them all finishing at the same time, spread them out and people looking/bidding on one item may well be interested in something of the same 'vein'. IYSWIM.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Thank you for that bit of advice DF. As it transpires I didn't have a chance to do anything with Ebay at the weekend and have slotted it into my plans for Weds.

So, where am I at. Am really searching within myself for positiveness and strength. Saturday was a day from hell apart from the two hours my dd and I treated ourselves to lunch out where we had a lovely time enjoying the treat and then later in the eve having a cuddle while watching x factor. We worked sat, and my dd was just dreadful through out it all. I wept because I felt guilty anyway that we were needing to work, however the simple truth is that I could not fit it all in last week while she was at school. I would have normally cancelled the treat as she was being so naughty, a child of 6 basically, but I was looking forward to it, it saved me cooking and I knew we would have a lovely time. My dd had a tantrum in Asda when I said no to some sweets later that day and that finished me off entirely. Then to top it all I fell over in the kitchen! I was so cross with myself about everything by then!!!.

Anyway, yesterday my friend popped round, and she and her children ended up staying for lunch. It was so so lovely but of course it did mean my plans didn't happen and Im in catch up mode. However, my friend is one in a million and it was lovely she wanted to spend the day with us and it was a lovely time!!

So, today have cried this am, as I have allowed so many things to get to me. My dh is in my thoughts daily, am beginning to understand the fact that its not just the murderers who get a life sentence, its the family too. Sometimes, I just want to feel normal whatever that is!!! Other reasons for my weeping this am are my dd not getting ready for school without me having to nag her to do it, the fact that my disability is really getting me down at the mo, I want to do so much but just can not fit it in!, my sales are fab, just want to feel on top of outgoings, sick to death of worrying, not sure what I can do to inject energy into the situation when I am still so tired falling asleep in the armchair virtually every night. Is the reality of the situation that as much as I want to live up to my name - positive and focused - the truth is I am mad for thinking I could ever achieve what I want to do. Am I really kidding myself? What can I change to ensure the progress I want does actually happen? I am just me, and oh how I feel so inadequate most of the time, so different, unsure of myself. Frustrated with myself too.

That said there are some really great positives which I just have to focus on. The mortgage is paid today. Hoorah!.Another month survived. One of my team members signed someone into her team. Im so chuffed for her. I have a number of prospects who Im hopeful will want to join too so heres hoping my efforts in this dept will pay off! My sales are fab. Just about reached my target of £1500 last week by the skin of my teeth, but the point is I did it, so Im not totally useless!

Just trying to believe that I can do this, that all will be ok, that I can keep going, and that eventually this situation will be no more. Oh how I long for that df day!

scrooge2008

Don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing brilliantly.

Your DD will be back to her adorable self soon. They all have monster moments, at times, when we wonder where our well behaved child has gone :mad:.

Talking of which, my friend, who is keeping an eye on my DS after school, has just rung to say that her family has all gone down with hand, foot and mouth disease, which is contagious, so I am going to have to smuggle DS into my work after school, and keep my fingers crossed that he hasn't already caught it :rolleyes:.


It's a wonder any of us mums hold down a job or three :rotfl:.


Such is life!

Different_Corner

PAF
Just want you to know I'm thinking of you. Sometimes it's easier to just be angry, upset and scream, get it all out. We can't be Superhuman all the time

Karmacat

What you're achieving already is huge, and you keep stretching out to bigger targets - and thats great, it just takes its toll, thats all.

You've got a nightmare to live with every day in thinking about what happened to your DH, and I'm so sorry you've got to cope with that. Of course you need to cry! Its the most natural thing in the world for somebody in your situation - and then to come on here and write about it. Of course! You're human, and you're reacting humanly. Try and just accept that you're doing the best you can.

Thinking of you.
xxx

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Well, thank you, your kind words help keep me going! Scrooge I hope your ds is ok.

Well, progress this week so far.
1. Mortgage paid.
2.Money in bank today to cover a cheque and a bill due tom.
3. Decided to cancel going to spin as I simply can not keep to when the classes are scheduled due to work and dd things going on, so am going to be grateful I invested in an exercise bike in the sales with some present money and use that daily at my convenience.
4. Via another forum on here found out about a website where you can send off your old gold jewellery and receive money in return, so I have done that, recd their envelope today, will return all my old jewellery that has not seen the light of day for years and years and hopefully get a modest lump sum in return. Every little bit will help!
5. Greatest news of all, I heard from the NVA today, National Victims Association, a charity to support families of murder victims. I would never have found out about this without contributing to the forum on here and being told about it by another contributor on these forums, so once again I find myself back to feeling bizarrely grateful for my debt because without that, I would never have been on here to find out about it and be in the situation where DD and me are now def going to South Shields in the half term for 5 days. I will for the first time since my dh situation be meeting other people effected by a relative being murdered. Will have the opportunity to get my questions answered about the practicalities of a variety of concerns that exist in the back ofmy mind such as what happens if the offender is ever released, and the things I can do to help protect my dd if he is. Have the opportunity to see how if at all we can ever move on from this situation and feel "normal". So, this is a huge thing. They have offered to pay our travel and accomodation. I was in tears on the tel, just how fantastic is that. What have I done to deserve such kindness. DD will just love it. She doesn't fully understand what happened to her daddy, but she will be able to meet other children in the same situation so hopefully it will be the start of a support network for her to fall back on if she wants and needs to as she gets older. She is so excited about going on the train and staying in a hotel!

A change of plan re ebaying my first item, it will happen on thurs not tom. I eventually have loads to put on there, one step at a time. Im being proactive, I know I have a lot to work on re my business, am a bit behind with my bus calls, however I will be back on track there by thursday. Sales are doing well, prospects galore so results will come. Attitude getting back to being more positive and focused, it does me no good feeling sorry for myself. I may just watch my fav film in a mo, In the Pursuit of Happiness, inject myself with a can do attitude again and just that self belief that with hard work and determination goals will be reached and the desired result will happen. Lets go for it!!