Today is a new day!

Verbatim

Wow that's brilliant PAF! Good idea to get the local papers to run a story. And well done to your DD.

satchmo1

FANTASTIC, NO NOT FANTASTIC ABSOLUTELY TRULY DESERVED!!! Wow P&F, I can just picture the scene at the ceremony, and I can just picture your lovely DD doing a victory dance with whoops and kisses and hurrays.

Verbatim is right, get it in all the local papers, on the local radio & tv, and benefit from the sort of publicity money can't buy.

That way, 2012 will be a doozie of a year for you both.

So very well deserved, P&F. Sending you my love and huge hugs. Satchmo x

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Oh my goodness. Thank you one and all. Well since sat eve Ive been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster person. Sunday I spent crying on and off just thinking about it all. Its all v emotional. And then in the car whenever Coldplay with Paradise comes on the radio I find myself crying thinking about dh in paradise and me and dd in our own paradise since achieving the award and the whole thing just makes me cry! And then just looking at the trophy and seeing my name on it just sets me off again. And in this week of all weeks with the weather as it has been the reality of what I - what we , dd and I as a little team - am capable of is sinking in just a little. The wind and rain, oh how tired Ive been. Was asleep before 8pm last eve on the sofa!!! And dd is just so tolerant. And then the pins and needles in my hand, what a pain in the ... that is but Im learning just to do things as if I have 5 million pairs of gloves on. It occurs more in the am and I have been assured it will get better as the nerves heal. So, I am praying that will be so. You have to smile!! And my funny leg, it gets so cold but the hot water bottle helps that in the eve. This is just as it is, and it just makes me cry sitting here reading all your comments when Im not that wonderful. Im just doing my best. Re the papers my friend suggested that. I couldn't do it. What if someone who knows my dh murderer got hold of a copy which would inevitably have an up to date photo of me /and dd and sent him the article. Or it was put online. No, I can't do it. I would rather maintain a low profile where newspapers are concerned! I do plan to give all my customers a "newsletter" in the New Year saying thank you and letting them know that way. As for my parents I don't plan to tell them, why would I? Theres simply no point given their opinion of my choices in life.

Anyway, moving on things are looking positive. I am doing v well with my sales. My focus now is to qualify for the Kleeneze Directors Club and to be a part of that you need to retail £2700 in 8 out of 10 four week periods. I intend to qualify in all ten not least because I want to raise the profile of disability in business. I feel so passionately about that in light of the struggles in that department this year with my parents and over the years with Social Services and elsewhere. This assumption that if you are disabled life can not involve work and you are effectively treated like a criminal for daring to try and keep going with work...

Moving on, Father Christmas is all sorted and I am so excited about that bit. I think I will be waking dd up on Xmas am to open the stocking. Only joking!!, All other presents are sorted other than they needed wrapping up and things I plan to bake for friends can obviously only be done nearer the time and dd and I are really looking forward to that. We plan to make sausage rolls and a crumble for two friends and mince pies for another. Sausage rolls for ourselves too. Today my task is to put a few things on ebay and get sorted with the MP3 player I have bought dd for Xmas. She has 50 songs she can load for free and so I am going to load a couple of CDs for her that she has anyway today, and then also download a couple of songs she has told me she likes and then she can choose after Xmas day what other songs to put on it for free! But at least I would have loaded it with music she can hear on Xmas day while we are at my friends for the day. Thats the idea anyway!

So, today is a day of sorting out and getting organised and enjoyment as a friend and I are meeting for lunch. Mum is picking up dd after school so I have until 7pmish all to myself to do all these things and relax a bit. Its been a busy couple of days and will be busy until Xmas and as with many households organised chaos reigns but its all enjoyable organised chaos.

Thats me for now. Thank you for your comments and may I say a big thank you as this diary has often been my link to sanity and the injection of self belief I have needed. Oh I almost forgot, it would seem based on the last couple of months without any snowballing currently, just what I need to pay, that I am now paying off around £900 off my overall debt inc mtge each month so the worst case scenario is that I would be completely df in 12 years which is still before Im 60, so my plan to be completely df and mf before then that is by 55 is v v doable and that lightens the spirit I can tell you. I am also confident of being able to cover my mortgage, accountant fees this month and then in Jan I will have my tax bill. Come February, with no council tax to pay I plan to restart my snowballing then. A lot depends on the outcome to my home insurance complaint with the Halifax too as I have been advised to get a new tv arial which will be in the region of £150 apparently. Thank you... With focus, determination and a workable plan all will continue to be well...

InaPickle

PaF, you are a marvel. Keep on keeping on. You now have tangible proof that what you want to achieve is doable, and I am sure that you are wise enough to revise that opinion should the need ever arise. For now, though, you do your thing and keep on making you and DD proud.

mum2one

well done, if anyone deserves it, you do xx

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

So, just when everything was looking good it still is but... Ive had a fall. This time in my lounge. I was on my own, thursday late afternoon, tripped up which i do daily anyway but this time fell back near an armchair, the chair fell back, I caught the side of it and my head hit a cuboard which sits behind the armchair. Ive bruised my head, my back and hip and theback of my leg. I have been more sore since than that eve but Im still plodding on. My mum bought dd back that thurs eve and while she was still in the car I said we would pop our cards etc round to her later in the week. She looked at me a bit strangely. I said are you alright, she said no, Im very upset actually and with that drove off! Oh god what have I done now I said out loud with dd there watching her drive away without a goodbye or anything. To which dd said granny is upset we are not seeing her at Xmas. Oh I said.. In my head I thought has she called my sis in Australia or my brother to tell them the same too or is it just me she wants to tell without talking properly and just driving off leaving everything in mid air....

Then we went to the panto yesterday, tickets donated by the charity that gives us food parcels from time to time. Parked the car, disabled badge out, parked near the theatre , came out of the theatre to a parking ticket. How was that possible? Transpires I apparently parked in a loading area. Im not sure the markings to indicate that were clear otherwise I would have seen them surely. We were on double yellows but Im allowed to as long as it isn't over 3 hours. Oh how I cried, started to feel demented again! Thats £70 gone, turns out its £35 if I pay up in the next two weeks, more than Ive spent on dd's Xmas pressie, God its sickening. Plan to go back there in the week for my own peace of mind for Im convinced if there are any indications - 2 yellow lines on the pavement - they are not clear or have worn away. I am always careful to park legally. So, for now Im pretending I paid for the panto tickets, not the charity or that my impending tax bill is £35 more than it is. Or Ive sold £100 less than I have... Then JJB with whom I have a debt have charged me a £12 late payment fee even though my statement shows I paid on time. I telephoned them. They won't refund me unless I write in to complain!. It apparently could be a misprint on the statement but I said to the man I did pay you on time so how can it be a misprint? A letter is going to them tomorrow making a complaint.
I saw my conselling lady for the last time on thursaday. She thinks Ive come on leaps and bounds. I said meeting her had made me realise just how demented and isolated I had felt at times. That she said I can assure you , you are not. You are a single parent dealing with everything plus a disability plus dealing with the murder plus the pressures from family to give up everything you are doing. You are not demented and remember that. You are v normal..Oh I said! I will put around my house you are not demented. Well done and we laughed ! But now after the last few days I wonder..Is it too much to ask for one week or one month where things could just feel almost ok? The funny thing was that dd said she had some money in her money box that could go towards the £35 ticket and it turned out to be the grand total of 2p! But at least that makes it £34.98 to pay....And we are alive, and just about to have a cuddle and we were v lucky to go to the panto, and its not the end f the world, Really it isn't Im telling myself. And although I fell, I haven't broken anything and I can make a doc appt in the New Year, not worry about it now, being sore isn't the end of the world. Be grateful the fall was in doors and not outside. Had I fall back on the pavement and hurt my head I could be recovering from concussion but Im not. We will be ok. Thats what Im saying but I feel so far away from that place last week where I received a standing ovation..What would any one think of me if they saw what I really am in the real world! Yes my feet are truly back on the ground and I just intend to try and not worry about theses fines etc and continue to do my best. This time next week dd and I will be able to relax for a few days and that is something to really look forward to..

beanielou

Keep plodding hun.
Have been caught by the loading thingy too and like you I was not convinced it was clear.Ho hum.

InaPickle

Hi PaF,


I'm sorry that you have had a less positive week since your award, but this is the cycle of life: you have a good time, then a bad one, then a good one then a...I'm only just sorry that a bad one is following a good one so closely. Your counsellor is right - your reactions to your situation are very normal and I can understand you being upset to everything that has gone on in the past week, and your mum's reaction in particular. Things have never been easy with your family and your mum seems upset - do you feel it would be possible to spend time with your family over the Christmas period without it falling into the normal pattern of telling you what to do with your life and recriminating etc.? If not, then you are doing the right thing for you and DD, and perhaps despite the bad things that have happened in the past few days you can take this end-of-year opportunity to acknowledge and feel proud of the HUGE number of things you have achieved in the past year?


I don't know who it is who has the following phrase in their signature, but I have seen fewer true ones - both physically and metaphorically: fall down seven time, get up eight. You have fallen, and other things seem to be against you (fight that late payment fee as it sounds ridiculous) but like a phoenix you will rise again - you just have to take a deep breath and tackle each thing systematically, one after the other.


I'm sorry - that isn't likely to make you feel much better - but I believe that you will deal with all this succesfully and carry on building your business and life with DD. In the meantime, be kind to yourself, take the opportunity to reflect on your success and how you will continue to be successful in the forthcoming year: it's the good times that will get you thought the bad, so focus on them at times like this when the going gets tough. x

beanielou

InaPickle wrote: »

Hi PaF,


I'm sorry that you have had a less positive week since your award, but this is the cycle of life: you have a good time, then a bad one, then a good one then a...I'm only just sorry that a bad one is following a good one so closely. Your counsellor is right - your reactions to your situation are very normal and I can understand you being upset to everything that has gone on in the past week, and your mum's reaction in particular. Things have never been easy with your family and your mum seems upset - do you feel it would be possible to spend time with your family over the Christmas period without it falling into the normal pattern of telling you what to do with your life and recriminating etc.? If not, then you are doing the right thing for you and DD, and perhaps despite the bad things that have happened in the past few days you can take this end-of-year opportunity to acknowledge and feel proud of the HUGE number of things you have achieved in the past year?


I don't know who it is who has the following phrase in their signature, but I have seen fewer true ones - both physically and metaphorically: fall down seven time, get up eight. You have fallen, and other things seem to be against you (fight that late payment fee as it sounds ridiculous) but like a phoenix you will rise again - you just have to take a deep breath and tackle each thing systematically, one after the other.


I'm sorry - that isn't likely to make you feel much better - but I believe that you will deal with all this succesfully and carry on building your business and life with DD. In the meantime, be kind to yourself, take the opportunity to reflect on your success and how you will continue to be successful in the forthcoming year: it's the good times that will get you thought the bad, so focus on them at times like this when the going gets tough. x

Thats in my signature.
I think I have said before that I am disabled too and I fall a lot.
It also applies (for me) to all the curve balls life throws me/us.
I was told I would be in a wheelchair by 40 and Im not , in part because I fall down seven times, but get up eight.Life can be tough but I just keep plodding.Not always easy but no one ever said life would be easy.
I do have a lot to be thankful for.

InaPickle

beanielou wrote: »

Thats in my signature.
I think I have said before that I am disabled too and I fall a lot.
It also applies (for me) to all the curve balls life throws me/us.
I was told I would be in a wheelchair by 40 and Im not , in part because I fall down seven times, but get up eight.Life can be tough but I just keep plodding.Not always easy but no one ever said life would be easy.
I do have a lot to be thankful for.

Wow beanielou, I never knew all that about you. Well done on such an amazing attitude to life despite it being hard at times. I hope that I have as good an attitude as yours when times get tough.