Smoking grandparents and small babies - any advice?

Reds-on-Sea

I heard (on Radio 4) that nasties in cigarettes can be absorbed through the skin (obv baby's skin is even more delicate & receptive) & that passive smoke is 24 times worse for a baby than an adult.... or something like that. I realise they're not smoking around baby, but I wouldn't be 100% happy with it.

MrsTinks

Would you stop everyone who smoked from holding the baby though? besides they're NOT smoking round the baby - that's the point... How many "nasties" stick in the clothes and are then absorbed by the baby? Some possibly - but more than polution in any town? Where do you draw the line? You can't wrap them in cotton wool and hand them a full rebreather suit like the firebrigade use...

UKTigerlily

I don't think the smoking thing is too big a problem so long as they don't smoke around the baby & as I think MrsTine said, wash their hands (Everyone) when holding him/her

Both my Mum & Dad smoked when I was a kid, apparently they'd throw the ciggies to each other & I know they both did so inside. I nagged my Mum so much she gave up over 15yrs back & my Dad about 2yrs back, though he stops & starts but so far so good!

It's certainly not done me any harm that i'm yet aware of at 30yrs old (I've never smoked myself)

As to the Dog, you're right to be worried & i'd ask for it to be put into another room or held when in the same room, definitely always supervised though. I have a Dog that's awesome with kids but would never, ever trust her alone around them, or the kids with her!

fernliebee

I'm also very OTT about cigarette smoke, my DH smokes but always outside and when DD was very small would change his jumper, brush his teeth and of course wash his hands before holding baby.

From what I understand, the problem is that after someone smokes a cigarette the chemicals they have just inhaled are exhaled with every breath, hence if they are breathing over baby then baby is receiving second hand smoke. I for one really don't like the thought of this even now my DD is 1, esp with a newborn.

Luckily not many of my friends are smokers but I realise even though I am OTT I would rather friends/ family have an active role in DD life, than feel sidelined or like they are treading on eggshells around her. I ask ppl to wash their hands if they have just smoked, but more often it is DH who asks, as he does it so feels everyone else should.

TBH I would just have a chat with them about it. Say how you feel and see what they think. Say obviously you want them to have an active role, but you want baby around minimal smoke so lets make a compromise, set out a few scenarios ranging from full change and waiting 20 mins, down to not bothering even washing hands and see how far they are willing to go. Personally I would settle for washing hands and not breathing closely on babies face if they have just smoked. Ultimately though you are the babies mum and decision is yours (and OH's) to make.

The dog issue in my mind is cut and dried, dog is put away when baby is around, or baby isn't around. It may seem OTT to some dog owners but if it is snappy then I don't feel it is too much to ask. If it was a well trained dog I would be ok with it being around DD if supervised but obv not left alone.

fernliebee

MrsTine wrote: »

Would you stop everyone who smoked from holding the baby though? besides they're NOT smoking round the baby - that's the point... How many "nasties" stick in the clothes and are then absorbed by the baby? Some possibly - but more than polution in any town? Where do you draw the line? You can't wrap them in cotton wool and hand them a full rebreather suit like the firebrigade use...

Everyone feel's differently I know but I see pollution as a (sadly) unavoidable part of day to day life, though I try to minimise in any way I can. People smoking then holding your baby you can control, it just depends how far you are willing to go.

I would rather my baby had a close relationship with my family and friends (even smokers ) so I see the positives and disregard the negatives if there is a situation where they clash. eg my DH smokes, when DD was tiny he was OTT about cleaning before holding her, now he has relaxed a little but washes his hands and has a 'smoking jumper' (I joke he should get a red satin smoking jacket like in addams family! ) I feel that the tiny amount of chemicals she will breathe in from having a cuddle with daddy will be far outweighed by the good of it iyswim!

With his family (mainly smokers) I asked them when she was tiny to wash their hands and they continue to do so now. I am not bothered about general dirt so never bothered asking everyone to wash their hands (smoker or not) just if they had literally just then been for a ciggie iyswim.

daphne_descends

I would be far more worried about the dog to be honest. Re the smoking I would expect anyone to wait at least 20 minutes and wash their hands before holding a baby but changing clothes is going a bit far when it's friends/grandparents who are not holding/cuddling them all day. I will never let my DS sleep in the house of a smoker who smokes indoors though. Ever. My mum smokes, she can have my DS here at our house overnight but only smoke when he is in bed. He is 20 months and this hasn't happened yet so I wouldn't be worrying about overnight stays for a while!

But smokers in the household - well I think people forget how dangerous passive smoking is. I think it's wrong to put children at risk, they have no choice. It's irresponsible at best.

It's good that the guidelines exist as you can quote those to your PILs so it doesn't look like YOU are being unreasonable, just cautious.

daphne_descends

Ask your midwife or health visitor for a leafleft so you have the facts to throw at them. If they are decent they won't take offense, pride cannot come before the health of a tiny baby.

cyclingyorkie

i thought the arrival of granchildren would force the smoking issue but i was wrong.

i think i heard that there are 400 toxins in a cigarette! ughh! You and your other half need to soet a plan together.

eventually inlaws gave up for health reasons. (heart attacks etc!)

my mum gave up last year - but in the end she had been told that my kids didn't want to stay at her house because of the smell!

what i have done,,,,,somehow....is raise 3 kids who are passionately anti smoking....so i did something right!

daphne_descends

cyclingyorkie I too thought my DS would give my mum pause for thought but she jsut buries her head in the sand. I sort of can't wait until HE can tell her cigarettes are stinky because she just ignores me. I just feel sorry for her, and for my DS. He loves his Nana so much

Oh meant to say well done I am an ex-smoker, gave up when I fell pregnant - the thing that stops me starting again (apart from HATING it completely now) is knowing that children of smokers are more likely to become smokers themselves... so no way in hell, never ever ever again!

tiamai_d

I think what you have to bear in mind is that they are occasional smokers, not 20 a day smokers. So all the nasties that could be coming out their pores and from their clothes is vastly cut down from what a 20 a day smoker would be producing (emitting?).

I would politely inform them that hand washing after a fly puff is a good idea and so is waiting 20 mins or so, but wouldn't think that changing clothes would be a real necessity.

As for the dog, IMO this is the bigger issue. The dog should not be allowed in the room with the baby, especially if it jumps on sofas (too easy to jump on a sofa and get a baby being held before anyone could move). As well as the risk to the baby, it may get jealous and nip anyone who happens to be near the baby.

A baby gate can fix this, gate across the kitchen door (if it's off the living room, if not the hall) will stop the dog getting out of that room and into the room where the baby is but won't make it feel shut out completely. This is what I'm doing with my dog. That way he is not locked out but neither is he allowed access to the living room. Worked well with my parents dogs when the boys were young too.