Smoking grandparents and small babies - any advice?

skintchick

I can see that this is going to rear its head soon, so I wondered how others deal with it.

My dad is officially a non-smoker but we all know he goes outside and has a crafty one at least once a day, usually when he 'makes a phone call' or 'checks on something in the garage'.

MIL is more open about it but 'sneaks' a fag outside fairly often, more so nowadays as she seems to have given up on giving up.

My problem is that I don't want smoky people picking up my baby, and as at some point I will want to leave the baby with the grandparents overnight/for a weekend I need to know how to deal with this.

I understand that Government guidance is that smokers should change their clothes, wash their hands and wait 20 minutes before picking up a baby.

How bad is it for a baby to be held by a smoker? How long after a cigarette is reasonable to ask them to leave it?

It's made more awkward by the fact that MIL's house often smells of smoke, while my parents' house never does, but of course that makes it sound like I am being biased!

Additionally, MIL and FIL have a badly disciplined Highland terrier what growls and snaps at people when it is cross, plsu it gets up on the sofas and snaps and growls if you try to move it, which is causing me extra worry as it has never been around a baby before and I don;t know how to tackle this either.

I did start to talk to OH about it but he got very defensive as they are his parents and he finds it hard to tell them to do/not do things whereas I can do that with my parents easily as we have a different relationship.

Can anyone advise?

MrsTinks

I think you're over reacting a little to be honest... unless your baby has health issues when it's born then I think them "smelling of smoke" is not really enough to stop them holding their grandchild.
My parents both smokes like chimneys when I was a wee bairn and I was fine - my parents both still smoke but everyone knows that smoking happens outside - not inside and certainly not whilst anywhere near my baby... smelling of smoke... hardly going to be as bad for her as spending a day in London for example and plenty of babies cope in there every day

bap98189

If they don't smoke in the house and don't smoke around the baby, I think you are asking a bit too much. I think it would be perfectly reasonable to ask them not to do either of those things around the baby, but frankly expecting people who only have the odd crafty smoke to change their clothes before they pick up your baby strikes me as paranoid.

As for the dog, remember these people have already raised children successfully. I'm sure they will know enough to ensure that the dog is not left loose when the baby is in the same room.

MrsTinks

Ooo I missed the dog issue Sorry!
Simple - explain to them in no uncertain terms that dog and baby do not spend time in the same room until baby is older - no if's and no but's - if it's not trained and socialised then I wouldn't let it near a child let alone a baby. My dog is excitable but adores babies and frequently tries to mummy Alexandra :eek: and she looks VERY depressed when she's told in no uncertain terms that if the baby needs a bath then I'LL give it to her, not the dog! On the dog issue I'd just be blunt and honest and then stand your ground! Uncontrollable dog = no visiting grand child IMO

elle_gee

Can't help, but also interested in how other people deal with it..

MIL smokes and as such also stinks of smoke most of the time. In-laws also have a huge German Shepherd who they trust but I don't - they describe the dog leading our three year old nephew around with nephew's arm in his mouth as "gentle playing"!! :eek:

This is going to come up soon enough with us and I can see arguments ahead when my parents - who don't smoke, but do have a Border Collie but also understand the rules about not leaving babies and dogs together - get all the babysitting fun instead of the in-laws.. MIL is an arrogant so-and-so too so now doubt her way will be "right" and I'll have a battle on my hands telling her otherwise! :cool:

skintchick

bap98189 wrote: »

If they don't smoke in the house and don't smoke around the baby, I think you are asking a bit too much. I think it would be perfectly reasonable to ask them not to do either of those things around the baby, but frankly expecting people who only have the odd crafty smoke to change their clothes before they pick up your baby strikes me as paranoid.

As for the dog, remember these people have already raised children successfully. I'm sure they will know enough to ensure that the dog is not left loose when the baby is in the same room.

I was only quoting the Gov advice, which personally I found surprising! But I assume they base it on something?

As for the dog - I don;t trust them to know that at all, they are not always the sharpest tools in the shed.

Oh, and I haven;t asked anything of anyone yet! I was wondering how other people feel about it.

But at Christmas my brother-in-law's friends and family were all smoking around a three-month-old (BIL's partner's granddaughter) and my OH's family didn;t say a word, so I think I do have reason to be a bit concerned.

MrsTinks

BTW my mum in my non-smokers nostrils stink of smoke and I don't like it either - when we've been home to visit everything has to be washed even if we haven't worn it and suitcases etc aired... I HATE the smell of stale smoke, but I don't plan to let it stop them enjoying their grandchild (My dad has to smoke outside even at home - my stepmum refuses to let him smoke indoors as I have a young half brother poor dad has been exiled in his own home for about 7 years now :rotfl:)

border_collie

I wouldn't leave my baby with them. Just leave baby with your own parents

MrsTinks

skintchick wrote: »

I was only quoting the Gov advice, which personally I found surprising! But I assume they base it on something?

As for the dog - I don;t trust them to know that at all, they are not always the sharpest tools in the shed.

Probably the same as "don't drink ANY alcohol, don't eat any sea food, don't blink more than 50 times an hour and don't think about voting anything but Labour"

Not all government advice is based on good research in my view - they always have to err on the side of caution so in my oppinion are often OTT on these scares... Besides who has a spare set of clothes and a stopwatch on them all the time - or funnier - who's going to "sniff" everyone who wants to hold their baby? :rotfl:

I'd still say stand your ground on the dog front though... Especially with a terrier... sorry but Westies are generally not good with babies and children - yes there are exceptions but as a rule they are not good with little ones.

skintchick

Oh I know Mrs Tine, I just wanted to think about it before it crops up. I'm an ex-smoker so I'm one of those awful people who are militant about smelling smoke, and when I read the 20-minute thing I wondered if it was really dangerous or something.

Do you think it would be OK to ask them to wash their hands after a cigarette, before touching the baby?

And yes, I will be firm about the dog. He scares me to be honest so I'm not comfortable about leaving the baby near it. He can be soppy but it's the unpredictability that worries me. Then again, I'm a cat person so maybe I just don't 'get' dogs?

MrsTinks

My ex's mum had a westie and it was the same - I'd never trust it with children
I trust MY dog but I'd still never let her be around the baby without me...
I think asking them to wash their hands after smoking would be a lot more reasonable Frankly in the current climate with swineflu etc I'd say washing hands before handling the baby - smoker or not! - is a must and both DH and I do it... Being paranoid I even carry the anti bacterial gel round with me for other people :rotfl: but then I'd HAD a sniffly baby and it's not something I want in a hurry again!