Smoking grandparents and small babies - any advice?

eslick

might seem harsh but my mother smokes and although she has doors and windows open her small house always has a haze of smoke in it and our children arent allowed to go into her house. When she comes to see the kids or we take her out she makes sure she hasnt smoked before hand but never thought of the cloths.

It might seem harsh but having been brought up in a smoking house and never tried the stuff myself I do not want my kids to have to go into that environment you never know what effects it can have in the future. the children cant make the choice themselves and my mother wouldnt stop so its something she has to live with and she does quite happily.

fernliebee

daphne_descends wrote: »

But smokers in the household - well I think people forget how dangerous passive smoking is. I think it's wrong to put children at risk, they have no choice. It's irresponsible at best.

Not sure if this was aimed at me, but if so I think my post wasn't clear. I am OTT about non smoking, I initially made my DH (well he also agreed that he didn't want DD getting second hand smoke, so wasn't forced) change clothes, wait 20 mins, wash hands, brush teeth etc before holding DD. He has now cut down to only a few cigarettes a day, he is still working on stopping smoking completely. Considering how much he smoked this is a MAJOR achievement.

He has a cigarette when he finishes work at the bottom of the garden as we don't want it to waft into the house, and also don't want DD to see him smoking as IMO this condones it. The rest are after DD is in bed. She is never in a smoky environment, none of our family we see regularly smoke, some extended family smoke, but not indoors, and as I stated they wash hands. I think smoking is unneccesary and disgusting and wouldn't let my DD be around it for any period of time. I do however feel that in certain situations some people are so focussed on hand washing/ cleanliness that relationships and activities that would be hugely beneficial to children are missed. I feel it is all about balance.

If this wasn't aimed at me then I've jumped on my soapbox for nothing (no change there then ) I do completely agree re children being subjected to second hand smoke though! At work we have children whose clothes and hair stink of it!

daphne_descends

Sorry fernlibee, no, it wasn't. Your post is clear about being careful, I should have been clearer about smoking in the house. Having stopped smoking myself I know it is bloody hard and that was with the incentive of pregnancy! So good luck to him

A friend of mine only ever smokes when her DS is in bed. Her house smells clean, SHE smells clean, her DS has no idea she smokes. I just have horrid childhood memories of a smoky house with closed windows, even worse was in the car _pale_

fernliebee

daphne_descends wrote: »

I just have horrid childhood memories of a smoky house with closed windows, even worse was in the car _pale_

Eeeew! My parents were seperated and my mum very anti smoking, when we stayed with my dad however, him and my step mum would fill the house with a fog! It was horrible. We once went on a 17 hr car journey to europe with my brother and I stuck in the back with back windows that didn't open, and they both literally chain smoked the whole way! We begged them not to smoke but they said "it all went out the window!" :rolleyes: Unfortunately even this was not enough to put me off trying it, and I socially smoked ie when I was drunk until we decided to start trying for DD, I have no intention of starting again even the smell makes me sick now! Well done you for giving up! :j

One more horror story for ya- at my antenatal class over 2/3 of the women went out for a cigarette in the break!! Have they no shame!!!:eek:

luxor4t

skintchick wrote: »

I did start to talk to OH about it but he got very defensive as they are his parents and he finds it hard to tell them to do/not do things whereas I can do that with my parents easily as we have a different relationship.

Been there, got the T-shirt :rolleyes:

MiL & BiL smoked, nobody in my family did.
We nearly had an international incident when MiL lit up while holding the infant DS1 :eek:

It wasn't until baby DD was really ill with bronchitis & MiL STILL walked round smoking that DH finally asked her to smoke outside....that was 20 years ago and our house has remained a smoke free zone to this day.

In her house the kids used to walk away from her when she lit up - they are all non-smokers even at 19, 21 & 24

Your baby, your rules.

tiamai_d

But by the sounds of it Skintys in laws don't smoke in the house cos they'd get caught.

luxor4t

tiamai_d wrote: »

But by the sounds of it Skintys in laws don't smoke in the house cos they'd get caught.

Their house smells of smoke though...I wonder how far 'outside' they go?

My MiL wanted to stand in the kitchen with the door open as it was raining, claiming the smoke would go out. I gave her a brolly:o

misspenny

all but one of the in-laws smoke, i'm very anti-smoking have been since i was a kids my dd smoked prob still does but i dont see him so dont know for sure, it drive me mad when they come to stay even tho they go outside they stink when they come back in and a can smell smoke on the sofa where they been sitting and in their bedding once they are gone, we expecting baby no 2 and MIL wants to come stay to help us out im putting my foot down and saying only if shes quit smoking by then, my oh is a total wuss when it comes to his family and wont say anything to them he usually totally anti smoking but when its his mum and big brothers he darnt say a thing. me i dont give a flying hoot about offending them i dont want my kids to be exposed to all the toxic and carcinogenic chemicals and even more i dont want them seeing people who they love respect and look up to smoking its sending them the wrong message!!!

squashy

http://www.fsid.org.uk/smoking.html#smoking8

FAQs here about relatives smoking, passive smoking and smoke on clothing etc

YorkiePud_3

At the end of the day, this is your baby and you have the right to protect your baby from anything you see as a danger.

As an ex smoker myself I can totally understand how walking into a smoker's house can send you reeling with the stench!
It's crazy, but when I smoked and people complained about how I had the smell on me I didn't believe them ... I just couldn't smell it myself so they probably have no idea how they stink.

If they don't smoke when they come visit you at your house, howsabout asking them to babysit at your house?

Nobody wants to put their child in any danger or to have them stinking like an opium den after granny or grandad has cuddled them ... it is your right to put your foot down and say you would rather they didn't mind your baby at theirs.

And of course, the dog is a risk too ... the dog may be jealous of the attention the grandparents pay to the baby ... you just don't know ... and they won't be happy to put the dog in another room whilst baby is there.

I know a lady though who smokes and stands in her kitchen to smoke, saying it all goes out the door into the street .. yet you walk into her room and it stinks to high hell .. you go upstairs and it stinks to high hell there, too. It just gets everywhere ... smokers do not realise how much they stink themselves or how much their cigs smell (never though I would ever say that ... I was banished outdoors in ALL weathers to smoke .. totally dedicated and devoted to nicotine, I was!)

As has been said before though, your baby, your rules ... cig smoke lingers around a person, it's in their hair, on their breath ... no way would I have that around my child.

If it causes trouble, so be it ... but your child comes first!! Gen up on all the health worries so you can talk to your partner and explain your concerns though .. then it doesn't just sound as though you are saying "your parents aren't good enough" ...