Partner pawned my dead nans ring without my permission

dotstar24

think i'm just too sad to be angry

pinkshoes

dotstar24 wrote: »

it is easy to say just ditch him but we've been together 6 years and have a DS with another child on the way. i'm not going to throw the towel in yet on a whim.

This is NOT a whim.

This is not meant to sound rude, but you need to put your child(ren) first, and put aside your own feelings about how difficult it will be.

Not only has he lied, he involved you in the lie by helping you look for the ring; the guy has NO respect for you.

What makes it worse, was the fact he has shown no sign of remorse, and hasn't even made the slightest effort to apologise and beg forgiveness.

Do you want you children to grow up in an environment where their dad treats their mum like sh*t? Where their dad smokes pot?

The choice is indeed yours, and no matter how difficult leaving might seem, it's do-able.

inmypocketnottheirs

I really do despair sometimes at what some people are prepared to put up with in a relationship. Equally though it is worrying at how easily some people will walk away from a relationship, almost without giving it a second thought.

When children are involved it's even more important that the right decision is made. And this can sometimes mean making some difficult decisions.

Just for a moment, OP, forgive my impertinence and allow me to ask some questions:

Does this guy work, hold down a reasonable job?
Does he contribute to the household financially and physically. In other words do you get help with your child and will you get support with the new baby?
Does he treat you respectfully?
Does he show consideration, help with chores, cook or wash up?
Is he reliable and a constant father figure to your DS?
Does he set a good positive example to your son.
Would you like your son to grow up and be like his Dad?

It would just be interesting to get a measure of the guy, because we could all have him wrong....

skintchick

Regarding the ring, the shop should be able to tell you which acution house, and as far as I'm aware they keep records of all sales, so if you ask nicely they may be prepared to pass a message to the buyer and see if they will contact you.

I think you'd need to tell them the full story to get their sympathy, but it might get you the ring back.

As for your Oh, I'd be booting him out, but then I don;t tolerate drug use, or lies, and if he also wasn;t really sorry then what's the point of him?

Buddingblonde

Pee wrote: »

I hope the doctors are able to help. The health consequences of cannibis are a lot milder than those with alcohol, but if he is stealing to pay for it, this does have me worried.

The health consequences are not milder than alcohol - smoking cannabis is higher tar than tobacco leading to smoking related illnesses like asthma, bronchitis and COPD appearing in the 20's early 30's. Small amounts of alcohol are good for the body where there is no safe level for smoking. The lungs just arent made for fumes.

Smoking anything increases your risk of heart disease, stroke and high blood pressure but more so cannabis because the levels of tar are so much higher than tobacco alone.

The mental health implication of cannabis use are just plain scary. Paranoia and depression are common side effects of long term use and for some it can spark off manic and schizophrenic type illnesses. People who have been using cannabis from an early age are much more likely to be affected in this way.

The longer you use cannabis the higher your risks are - studies also show that you will be less motivated, less likely to progress in your career and have trouble keeping jobs.

Pee

Buddingblonde wrote: »

The health consequences are not milder than alcohol - smoking cannabis is higher tar than tobacco leading to smoking related illnesses like asthma, bronchitis and COPD appearing in the 20's early 30's. Small amounts of alcohol are good for the body where there is no safe level for smoking. The lungs just arent made for fumes.

Smoking anything increases your risk of heart disease, stroke and high blood pressure but more so cannabis because the levels of tar are so much higher than tobacco alone.

The mental health implication of cannabis use are just plain scary. Paranoia and depression are common side effects of long term use and for some it can spark off manic and schizophrenic type illnesses. People who have been using cannabis from an early age are much more likely to be affected in this way.

The longer you use cannabis the higher your risks are - studies also show that you will be less motivated, less likely to progress in your career and have trouble keeping jobs.

People who have mental health illnesses are more likely to self medicate with cannabis... but it is still a chicken or egg question. You don't have to smoke cannabis with tobacco or even smoke it at all, you can use a vapouriser. Cannabis reduces blood pressure...

You are right that a glass of wine may be good for you wheras a small amount of cannabis would not be, I was meaning larger quanities.

There are a lot of scare stories about drugs - I know a group of people who have been using cannabis since the sixties without any ill effects, some of them are motivated with good careers and some less so, like any other group of people. (I would agree, it certainly doesn't increase motivation.) The idea that "drugs" are all the same and mean that someone cannot be a worthwhile partner or parent because they use drugs makes me - as a non- drug user unless you count alcohol - sad.

If he was smoking after work and after his child was in bed much like someone else would have a glass of wine, then that seems to me to be fine. If he was smoking in the morning before going to work or whilst at work or whilst or even before caring for his daughter then that would be different.

dotstar24

inmypocketnottheirs wrote: »

I really do despair sometimes at what some people are prepared to put up with in a relationship. Equally though it is worrying at how easily some people will walk away from a relationship, almost without giving it a second thought.

When children are involved it's even more important that the right decision is made. And this can sometimes mean making some difficult decisions.

Just for a moment, OP, forgive my impertinence and allow me to ask some questions:

Does this guy work, hold down a reasonable job? yes he works up to 60 hours a week, sometimes hundreds of miles a way. he was in scotland the week
Does he contribute to the household financially and physically. In other words do you get help with your child and will you get support with the new baby? oh yes he's a brilliant dad he takes our ds on days out to give me a break and has been supportive with the currant pregancy (foot rubs back rubs) he cant wait for 1st scan. other than incident i cannot take that away from him. financially we struggle with money like a lot of young families, but he's never said to me that i can't spend his money on whatever i want. he's paid weekly i am paid monthly so i pay all the big bills, and the weekly cash is both of ours
Does he treat you respectfully? yes, but we have arguements though about money and chores. but he doesnt call me names or any thing
Does he show consideration, help with chores, cook or wash up? he tidies up, i have to nag him to wash up but i always cook (i like cooking!!), but mum says thats normal!!
Is he reliable and a constant father figure to your DS? well yeahh, he's not one for doing a disappearing act if thats what u mean, i know a lot of girls who's partners are always up town or down the pub in the evening but he aint. he comes straight home (unless he goes to the gym twice a week) he never goes out on weekends even though mates invite him, and i tell him to go. he says he's too tired after the week
Does he set a good positive example to your son. yeah they idolise each other. they go fishing, climbing, swimming, camping. he sets boundries and my DS only seems to listen to him when we ask him not to do something
Would you like your son to grow up and be like his Dad? no and my OH would say the same. we want him to be better than either of us

It would just be interesting to get a measure of the guy, because we could all have him wrong....

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pee

So he is still a thoughtless lying ***** who needs to beg your forgiveness but one who, if he works at it, could be forgiven.

Have you had a response from him yet?

dotstar24

No not yet. he cant make outbounds on mobile cos we're a bit skint to pay his bill and I havent called him today. he should be home anytime soon though.

Pee

Wishing you the very best of luck.

BTW I do think it is worth you or him trying to contact the purchaser through the auction house - It may even end up being a jewellry store.