children leaving home

doelani

How do you cope? My 21 yo son now stays at his girlfriends 5 nights a week and I know he is intending to move in with her fulltime. I have asked him to wait a few months to make sure it is the right thing to do, although he has known this girl for years they have only been a "couple" a few months. She has 2 children and is pregnant again " yes his". I have come to accept this is only a matter of time, maybe weeks before he goes.

I have a 19 yo daughter, who always said she would never leave home, she would be here forever. Now today she texted me ( she is away for a few days,she did then ring me ) I think she was scred to tell me to my face, to say 2 friends from work have asked her to move in with them. I asked what she had said and her reply was " she is thinking about it "

I have tried not to tell her how devestated I am. I have cried for last hour. This is just so unexpected. Nothing has happened to make her move out, we have a really good relationship but moving in with these friends will cut down on her travelling to work each day, 10 minutes compared to 45 minutes. She will be with people her own ages more. She went to school 20 miels from us and only really has one close friend where we live. She is away for a few days on holiday and the day before she went we were talking about redecorating her room and buying her new furniture as once her brother moves out she will no longer have to share her room part-time with her stepsister. She says if her friends had not suggested it she would not have thought of moving out.

How do I cope with the "empty nest" feeling? Even a few nights ago when daughter was away and son was at g/f staying it seemed so strange. Stepkids stay a few nights a week but not the same , I am going to miss my kids so much.

I do not want them thinking they " have " to stay also do not want them thinking I "want " them to move out as I don't.

nearlyrich

Hi I couldn't read and run, I am almost in the same position except both my two moved out for uni and came back because this was where their jobs were. My DS has been offered a new job and it makes sense for him to house share with friends who live 2 mins from his new office, we live 25 miles away. My DD is talking about buying her own place too and is saving up for a deposit. To be honest I am looking forward to it just being the two of us again, we all get on fine but it's natural for them to move on and have their own lives in their 20's. It's not like you have had a huge row and will never see them, look for the positives and plan to spend quality time with them, girly shopping with your DD and maybe babysitting for your new grandchild and siblings when he or she makes an appearance, build a relationship with your son's partner.

It won't be easy but it's natural and it will be OK once you realise you have got your life back and you are more than just MUM...

Hardup_Hester

Sorry to hear you are feeling so devastated, it is only natural for children to leave home. The fact that are able to live an independant life is a credit to you.
Hester

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

Oh dear Doelani,it's horrble is'nt it.
You feel like your heart is breaking but you would'nt be normal if you did'nt feel that way.
I felt like that with each of my three girls.I can still remember sobbing my heart out while cleaning their empty rooms.
I'm going through it all over again 20 years later for a second time with my grand-daughter who's off to uni soon.She has'nt gone yet and the tears and heart tugging has already started.
It's hard but we had these children and we cared for them but we only borrowed them realy.They have a life of their own to live just like you and I did and you have to let them go.
I told my kids how I felt(we're that kind of family) but also wished them the best of luck and told them we would always be there for them and we are.
They'll always be your children,nothing will change that.
My daughters and I speak everyday and we see them when we can.One lives local,who we see most days and the other two live in different parts of the country but we're all still very close.
Try and concentrate on your own life now and get round to doing some of the things you've always wanted to do.
You've obviously done a very good job with your children,they've grown up and are ready to step out on their own.
Good luck to you all.

dieselhead

My brother and I moved out a couple of years ago, and my mum confided that she was dreading it and was really worried about how she would cope without my brother and I. However my Mum and Dad took up Salsa, and then jive and are now out most nights dancing, photo's appear on facebook daily, frankly they have a better social life than I do. My parents relationship has changed too, they were always obviously very much in love but were never very demonstrative, now they are like a couple of teenagers again (its embrarrasing!) its lovely though.

Oldernotwiser

It's when you have adult children well into their twenties who still live at home that you really have to worry!

cuddlymarm

Hi

When they first move out you will feel lost and the house feels really empty but its quite natural for your kids to leave. Chances are they'll come and go a few more times yet so enjoy the peace and quiet while you can. There are some positives such as being able to watch your favourite programme in peace, food staying in the fridge until you are ready to eat it, getting to the end of the ironing pile, etc. It will probably take you ages to get used to buying less food (it took me early 6 months of buying too much and cooking too much before I got used to it)

You do get used to it though and it is quite nice not to have to be responsible for anyone else occasionally so try to enjoy it.

Good luck
Cuddles:rotfl:

fitmad

doelani wrote: »

How do you cope? My 21 yo son now stays at his girlfriends 5 nights a week and I know he is intending to move in with her fulltime. I have asked him to wait a few months to make sure it is the right thing to do, although he has known this girl for years they have only been a "couple" a few months. She has 2 children and is pregnant again " yes his". I have come to accept this is only a matter of time, maybe weeks before he goes.

I have a 19 yo daughter, who always said she would never leave home, she would be here forever. Now today she texted me ( she is away for a few days,she did then ring me ) I think she was scred to tell me to my face, to say 2 friends from work have asked her to move in with them. I asked what she had said and her reply was " she is thinking about it "

I have tried not to tell her how devestated I am. I have cried for last hour. This is just so unexpected. Nothing has happened to make her move out, we have a really good relationship but moving in with these friends will cut down on her travelling to work each day, 10 minutes compared to 45 minutes. She will be with people her own ages more. She went to school 20 miels from us and only really has one close friend where we live. She is away for a few days on holiday and the day before she went we were talking about redecorating her room and buying her new furniture as once her brother moves out she will no longer have to share her room part-time with her stepsister. She says if her friends had not suggested it she would not have thought of moving out.

How do I cope with the "empty nest" feeling? Even a few nights ago when daughter was away and son was at g/f staying it seemed so strange. Stepkids stay a few nights a week but not the same , I am going to miss my kids so much.

I do not want them thinking they " have " to stay also do not want them thinking I "want " them to move out as I don't.

hi,

Really sorry that you are feeling so sad.

My daughter of 20 has just been packing up her room and is moving in with her boyfriend of three months,i know how you are feeling but we have to let them go even when we don't want to.I have just been looking round her room and i feel sad but its what she wants to do and seems happy.I suppose as long as they are happy thats what really matters.

Hope this helps a little.

Take care

I hope you will be ok i know i am going to try.

doelani

thanks for replies everyone.

I knew they would leave home eventually but so close together I was not expecting. It will be so strange not having the extra washing and cooking, my food and electricity bill will be less.

It just seems such a shock with my DD. I know I will gte over it , I they will proabally come back, will be keeping their rooms for them lol I just feel reduntant.

kr15snw

Its interesting to see it from the other side as I (at the age of 19) moved in with my boyfriend weeks after my eldest brother had moved out as well. Middle brother is still there at 31 but thats another story....

But mum was a bit weird about my moving out, and kind of instantly decided 'I was grown up and was going to support my new grown up life'. Unfortunately this meant she cleared out my room within 2 weeks of me going and I got a call to ask to pick all my stuff up from the hallway (she even gave away my bed). And this scared me senseless as it was my first time living away and I still thought I may need to pop back for whatever reason....

She also thinks me and OH have our own life and should be left to get on with it, this means we never get invited to anything anymore including family days out / meals. Countless times I hear stories from my brothers step kids of wonderful days the WHOLE family have had (2 brothers, brothers OH, mum, dad and brothers step kids) to the zoo but we never get invited!

Anyway enough of my rant.

Trust me they wont go far yet, no child is ready to move out completely straight away (well none Ive met, lol)

doelani

kr15snw wrote: »

Its interesting to see it from the other side as I (at the age of 19) moved in with my boyfriend weeks after my eldest brother had moved out as well. Middle brother is still there at 31 but thats another story....

But mum was a bit weird about my moving out, and kind of instantly decided 'I was grown up and was going to support my new grown up life'. Unfortunately this meant she cleared out my room within 2 weeks of me going and I got a call to ask to pick all my stuff up from the hallway (she even gave away my bed). And this scared me senseless as it was my first time living away and I still thought I may need to pop back for whatever reason....

She also thinks me and OH have our own life and should be left to get on with it, this means we never get invited to anything anymore including family days out / meals. Countless times I hear stories from my brothers step kids of wonderful days the WHOLE family have had (2 brothers, brothers OH, mum, dad and brothers step kids) to the zoo but we never get invited!

Anyway enough of my rant.

Trust me they wont go far yet, no child is ready to move out completely straight away (well none Ive met, lol)

I have just said to hubby I will NOT be getting rid of all their stuff, they will still have their bedrooms in case they decide to come back, anyway I think if my daughter tried to take all her stuff she would need a whole house to move into not just a room lol

We are goign on a family holiday in a few month ( all paid for ) and have asked my son a number of times is he still going, keep getting the sanswer " of course I am " I am not even going to ask my daughter this question as will get the same answer.

I guess just part of growing up, at 44 I am reduntant as a mummy :rolleyes: