children leaving home

tanith

Its come as a shock and you need time to get used to the idea of your kids going... both my girls left by 20 but my son was 31:eek: and I cried but knew I couldn't let on how it was affecting me and make him feel guilty for living his life..
You have a new grandchild to look forward to of course try to imagine the good times to come not look back at what you think you are missing... sounds like you have lots going on in your life apart from the two of them with stepkids coming and going.. and if your son is anything like mine , he might be back at some point...:rotfl:

elisamoose

i really would counsel against keeping their room for ever ...............a friend of mine found it really hard to come to terms with her MiL still having ' John's room' , complete with posters on wall, kiddy bed covers etc etc when she had been married to John for 10 years !

I keep a 'spare room' which they can stay in and any bits left from when they lived here are in a cupboard!

The_Banker_5

Its a shock when you find out they are adults and are prepared to put their partners/friends before your hurt feelings isnt it.;)

Never mind, in 20 odd years time they will be arranging which nursing home to put you in.;)

However if theyre anything like my kids they'll come back home every 2 days to get a bath, grab some food, stink the toilet out and get some clean clothes.:p

never_enough

OP dont be sad, its normal. You've raised them for this to go out & live their own lives. Just because they're not living with you doesn't mean they'll drop off the face of the earth, you'll still see them. Honest! You will always be a part of their lives & believe me it will be much better. It's fine to tell them that you're going to miss them, but don't be miserable, just not good for any of you. It's not as if they're running away from you because they can't bear to be in the same house!
It's hard as a young adult trying to find your 'grown-up' feet out in the world. To a certain extent you'll always be treated like a kid at home & yet that can be just as annoying as it's comforting at times. From talking to friends there seem to be a few common responses to the 'leaving home talk'. The previous poster having their room totally emptied is one, the opposite is having everything left exactly as it was when you were living there. Both can be quite freaky, I have a couple of friends that can't bear going back to their old rooms, exactly as they left them with pictures etc. They're not their homes anymore, their homes are elsewhere, often with partners & in some cases children. If you were planning on redecoration then go ahead, but do it for you.
Finally if you really need something to do I can always bring my ironing around?

FairyElephant_2

Op - don't be too sad - you have done a good job as a parent and they are ready to 'fly the nest' now without too much fear - so you have prepared them for the world!

Something you may want to consider, if the nest still feels too empty after a while.....

Friends of my parents started to foster about a year after their children left home. They started by having a brother & sister for 3 or 4 days a week, and went on to foster 2 brothers full time for a few years. They reckoned it was the 2nd best thing they ever did (the first being having their own children).

Just a thought.....

kindofagilr

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

It's when you have adult children well into their twenties who still live at home that you really have to worry!

I find that insulting, I am 27 and just bought a house with fiance, what is wrong with me just moving out now!

Its not easy to save up the money needed for a deposit on a house.

Pee

You have done a good job enabling them to move out and take responsibility for their lives.

The chances are that one or other of them will be back again before long, and I agree, I wouldn't change their rooms too much for a couple of years.

What dreams and ambitions do you have for your own life? What interests do you have? Do you work? Would you like to? What do you want from life?

You are not really redundant. I am sure that son's OH could do with some childcare sometimes, or that daughter will be popping around for you to teach her to mend things and or a home cooked meal.

Glen0000

kindofagilr wrote: »

I find that insulting, I am 27 and just bought a house with fiance, what is wrong with me just moving out now!

Its not easy to save up the money needed for a deposit on a house.

I come across lots of 25/30 years olds still living with mummy and clubbing every weekend and they are emotionally stunted. You need your freedom to mature. That is a simple fact.

No it isn't easy, but you don't HAVE to buy. I am mid 30's, married with a child and still rent, as do millions of others. I would take freedom over home ownership anyday. You have plenty of time for that.

As for kids moving out I will be worried if my DD is still home past 21. You have done a good job OP.

kindofagilr

You see I would much prefer to own a house not rent, so I guess it all depends on what you want from life.

If your kids want to buy a house, and need to live at home with parents into their 20's (and pay board) until they can save up a deposit then I see nothing wrong with that at all.

I am sure your DD is pleased to hear you expect her out by the time she is 21!

Pee

I am glad that you are mature enough to move out before you are 30. And I hope you were also mature enough to have a Declaration of Trust drawn up with regard to the property.

You seem to have very cautiously waited until you could afford to leave home and then thrown your lot in with a fiance you have never lived with, and who has never lived with you.