children leaving home

kindofagilr

whatatwit wrote: »

Thanks for clarifying your situation.
I think the original comment was meant for the kids who are still at home in their 30s being waited upon hand and foot.
It sounds as though your home life had evolved from mum/daughter to responsible adults sharing a house.

I hope you are very happy in your new house.

Thank you very much, that was the nicest comment to come out of all this.

Everyone else seems so sure my relationship is going to hell and I shouldn't have bought a house with the man I love (and had already lived with for 2 years)

Alikay

Glen0000 wrote: »

I was thinking the same thing. I would be horrified if DD bought a house with a man she had never even lived with, especially as she had not lived away from home before.

Really?? I did exactly that 20-odd years ago (moved 200 miles to be with him too) and we're still happy. My parents, grandparents, ALL other relatives over 50 and a heck of a lot of those younger...NONE of them had the option to "try before you buy". It's completely off-topic, but I don't think your suggestion that couples who haven't co-habited in a rented property are more likely to split up (or whatever it is you're horrified about) would have much evidence to support it.

gymfiend

Glen0000 wrote: »

Maybe because we have lived a bit and have seen it all before. If you cannot acknowledge that, then you are naive at best.

Surely that makes you nothing more than an old cynic?

I bought a house with my now fiance (moving straight from my parents house) having never lived with him before in my early twenties. Indeed, we were only together for a year before we did this. I'm happy to report that we're gloriously happy together 3 years on. My parents met and married within 3 months, my mum moved half way accross the world to be with my dad, they are still happily married almost 30 years on. Maybe I have lived a bit and seen a different outcome to the one you have Glen, but I think it's both patronising and presumptious to declare anyone elses actions 'naive' because you have 'seen it all before'.

Silverbird

I've noticed on here before that there are some very dim views on relationships by some of the older members who have had problems themselves in the past or have seen friends and family endure relationship problems. This does not for one second mean that all relationships are the same and all are doomed and it does bug me that some members are like this. Nobody knows what the future may hold and you can only hope for the best when you're in a relationship. If you don't then what's the point?

My parents moved in together into a house after they'd known each other 6 months and they celebrated their 32nd anniversary last month.

I moved in with my fiance 3 years ago (not having lived together before - only at weekends between houses). We moved 200 miles away from all family and friends and we're still fine and happily married.

A bit less close-mindedness on this forum would be nice sometimes.

To the OP - my parents can't wait for my siblings to leave. Their ages are 26, 24 and 17. The older ones are staying there because they know it's an easy life. They do pay board, but don't do chores. My parents thought they'd just have 1 kid to support at this stage and my mother has told me that you worry about kids more as they get older - much more than when they're toddlers. She and my father are so stressed with the arguments and laziness from them.

I think it's great your kids are independent enough to want to get out there and start living their lives by themselves. Don't worry - they'll keep in touch! I actually find I have a much better relationship with my parents now that I've moved out and I really respect them and appreciate them a heck of a lot more than I did.

doelani

thanks everyone for your replies, I am not as worried now although decissions have still not been made.

It has been interesting reading everyones different views on children leaving home lol

Pee

My concern is that people buy houses with other people as though it is a lesser commitment than marriage. Whilst house prices have been rising, this was a mistake that could be easily resolved although it still caused problems then. With house prices falling, people who have bought houses together without putting into place legal agreements - which are not needed with a married couple where the divorce courts can divide property - are letting themselves in for serious problems. I am not saying that all relationships break up, but relationships do break up and buying a house with another person should be considered very, very carefully. To my mind, as carefully as marriage.

mum26

Emmylou wrote: »

Trust me, it just means that you've done a good job raising your kids so far. And you won't be redundant as a mum.

If your kids are anything like me, you'll get phone calls asking you such important things as:

How do I make a batter/cake mix/pastry/chicken feed 8 people
What can I do to make the water run hotter/colder/quicker/slower
Have you got any herbs/tea towels/spare pillows

(It's quicker and easier to make a phone call than it is to dig out the cook book/diy manual/go to the shop)

I agree, you've given them the confidence in themselves to go out and get on with life, well done! And at 44 you are still young yourself, a lot of people are just starting their families at this age these days , you'll have the fun of a grandchild soon and step grandkids to get to know - and you'll be able to hand them back. I agree with what another poster said - what about fostering? If you are a good nurturer and still have the urge to care for kids you could be a life saver for some children out there.

I love the quote that says

“If you only give your children two things, give them roots and give them wings"

I would try not to let on that you feel devastated about it as it will make them feel guilty, my mum and dad said something lovely to me when I moved out at 18, a few weeks after they said that they didn't laugh as much (we are a very jokey family), which made me feel important in the family still but that I was free to get on with my own life xx

kettlefish

I moved out of my mum and dad's about 6 weeks ago, into a house I've bought with my fiance. Yes, we have never lived together before, but the house has been bought in joint names and we are waiting to get married this October, but it is very much our marital home. My mum and dad have been so supportive, and although they haven't done it all for us, we did have to be shown things like how to put up curtain rails etc. I think it has made me grow up a lot, and I value all my parents did for me so much more (and not just the practical stuff!!) In some ways, it's made us closer because I 'set aside' time each week to meet my mum for lunch/coffee, and to go round for a family meal with OH, or invite them down for a curry, rather than them just being there whilst the telly's on/friends are round/I'm doing my assignments for Uni. I hope it all works out for you OP, and I'm sure your kids will need you now as ever, albeit in a different way!

kr15snw

doelani wrote: »

I have just said to hubby I will NOT be getting rid of all their stuff, they will still have their bedrooms in case they decide to come back, anyway I think if my daughter tried to take all her stuff she would need a whole house to move into not just a room lol

We are goign on a family holiday in a few month ( all paid for ) and have asked my son a number of times is he still going, keep getting the sanswer " of course I am " I am not even going to ask my daughter this question as will get the same answer.

I guess just part of growing up, at 44 I am reduntant as a mummy :rolleyes:

I loved our family holidays, unfortunately when I met my boyfriend my parents stopped asking me if I wanted to come.

Just found out they are going to Lake Garda (favourite holidaying location as a child) with mum, dad, nan, 2 brothers and brothers family going to celebrate mums 60th. First we heard was when they asked if we could baby sit the parrot

blind-as-a-bat_2

emmadawson wrote: »

hey I am really sorry to hear that. But end of the day, you know they are grown up, not kids anymore. You gonna have to accept that. I know its really hard to cope. However you have to take this as normal.

That's best I can say.

Reported as spam, posting meaningles replies elswhere