children leaving home

kindofagilr

Hmm strange how you talk about me and dont know me? It amazes me how some people on here seem to attack other people for no valid reason?

Not that I need to explain myself or my actions to you or anyone else fiance and I have lived together with my mother during the week and his parents at the weekend for the last 2 years, paying board, and sharing our money (joint account) and paying our bills (credit cards, loans etc) as one from one account.

So really, what is your point here.

We love each other, bought the house together, share all bills, and all wages, and will one day be married and have a family.

tanith

kindofagilr wrote: »

You see I would much prefer to own a house not rent, so I guess it all depends on what you want from life.

If your kids want to buy a house, and need to live at home with parents into their 20's (and pay board) until they can save up a deposit then I see nothing wrong with that at all.

I am sure your DD is pleased to hear you expect her out by the time she is 21!

kindofagilr you might think differently when you are the parent. I really had hoped that I would be child free by the time I was in my fifties but my son found it harder to cut the apron strings..I made life too easy for him at home, cheap rent (comparatively) food cooked , washing done, able to spend all that he wanted on whatever he wanted.. I really did him no favours by putting up with it to be honest I should of given him his marching orders earlier than 31yrs old..:eek: Some families use the time wisely as you say saving for a deposit but many just see it as a cheap way to live while they whoop it up..... my son is gone and its just wonderful having a tidy quiet house without ever having to consider him being around.... I love all my kids but I am glad they have places of their own now...and we see each other often ..

lolababy

How about fostering. There are lots of children out there who could do with a mum like you.

Alikay

I know how you feel OP. DD is 20 and moved out last month into the house she and her boyfriend are buying. They are getting married in 3 months and I've had getting on for a year to get used to the idea, but it's still hard. Then 3 or 4 weeks ago DS1 (18) saunters downstairs with a casual "Going to London tomorrow Mum, seeing a man about a job". 24 hours later, he's got a job in London and we're searching the net for a flat that is cheap enough to leave him sufficient cash to occasionally eat after paying his rent!

I'm delighted to see them both so happy. DS1 has had a tough time with 2 apprenticeships ending prematurely due to the recession (a buy-out and a business folding), and his own little self-employment venture being slower than hoped, again down to the current climate. I'm also thrilled that DD and her fiance are getting married - he's a lovely lad, and although they're young by today's standards, the relationship is strong and committed. He's had a rough few years with both parents dying through long illnesses, and I know that working through his feelings has deepened their bond far beyond boyfriend/girlfriend.

I can't help feeling totally bereft, though....a couple of months ago I had 6 round the table most nights, now it's only 3 of us. I know it'll get easier as time passes but it's tough right now

kindofagilr

Yeah maybe your right tanith, I dunno, I saw no point in leaving mam on her own (no partner) to rent when I could be saving that money for a deposit on my own house?

It does all boil down to what each person prefers.

I know my mam is still finding it hard that she is alone at home (I moved out 10 weeks ago)

But when I lived with mam, we shared making dinners, I did my own washing, cleaning, ironing etc, and paid decent board.

So it wasnt like I was living the totally cushy life lol, granted it costs a lot more to run your own house than it does the board I paid, but I did still pay my way.

ClareEmily

I moved out of home when I was 22, and I can honestly say my mum and me have a much better relationship now that we don't have silly arguments about washing up etc.

I have now moved back near my home town (now 10 min from mum).

Don't worry they won't go far.

Clare xx

Emmylou_2

Trust me, it just means that you've done a good job raising your kids so far. And you won't be redundant as a mum.

If your kids are anything like me, you'll get phone calls asking you such important things as:

How do I make a batter/cake mix/pastry/chicken feed 8 people
What can I do to make the water run hotter/colder/quicker/slower
Have you got any herbs/tea towels/spare pillows

(It's quicker and easier to make a phone call than it is to dig out the cook book/diy manual/go to the shop)

Glen0000

Pee wrote: »

You seem to have very cautiously waited until you could afford to leave home and then thrown your lot in with a fiance you have never lived with, and who has never lived with you.

I was thinking the same thing. I would be horrified if DD bought a house with a man she had never even lived with, especially as she had not lived away from home before.

Glen0000

kindofagilr wrote: »

Hmm strange how you talk about me and dont know me? It amazes me how some people on here seem to attack other people for no valid reason?

Maybe because we have lived a bit and have seen it all before. If you cannot acknowledge that, then you are naive at best.

whatatwit

kindofagilr wrote: »

Yeah maybe your right tanith, I dunno, I saw no point in leaving mam on her own (no partner) to rent when I could be saving that money for a deposit on my own house?

It does all boil down to what each person prefers.

I know my mam is still finding it hard that she is alone at home (I moved out 10 weeks ago)

But when I lived with mam, we shared making dinners, I did my own washing, cleaning, ironing etc, and paid decent board.

So it wasnt like I was living the totally cushy life lol, granted it costs a lot more to run your own house than it does the board I paid, but I did still pay my way.

Thanks for clarifying your situation.
I think the original comment was meant for the kids who are still at home in their 30s being waited upon hand and foot.
It sounds as though your home life had evolved from mum/daughter to responsible adults sharing a house.

I hope you are very happy in your new house.