Husbands ex-wife is living the life of luxury!

catenorfolk

pinkpig08 wrote: »

But surely whichever 'part' of the money is being saved, the father has contributed? If he hadn't, then there wouldn't be enough to make any savings after the day to day costs of the children had been met. That's not saying he has paid for ALL of the savings - just that how can you distinguish which money has come from the father and which has come from the mother?

My DH pays maintenance. His younger daughter is going on a school trip abroad. Part of the money he pays in maintenance has gone towards paying for that, but we can't define WHICH part, or how much was from maintenance and how much from child benefit/tax credits.

Surely it is irelevant which part the mother paid or the child benefits paid. The NRP should help contribute to the childs upbringing. and whether his money paid the childs food bill or the trip money, as long as his contribution is being paid into the pot that is all that matters.

kelloggs36

pinkpig08 wrote: »

But surely whichever 'part' of the money is being saved, the father has contributed? If he hadn't, then there wouldn't be enough to make any savings after the day to day costs of the children had been met. That's not saying he has paid for ALL of the savings - just that how can you distinguish which money has come from the father and which has come from the mother?

My DH pays maintenance. His younger daughter is going on a school trip abroad. Part of the money he pays in maintenance has gone towards paying for that, but we can't define WHICH part, or how much was from maintenance and how much from child benefit/tax credits.

That money can't be used twice though - it was the choice to save it, you can't then say that you don't need it now for university s you didn't spend it at the time - what was saved could go some way to helping the child whilst at university, but it should not replace ongoing help.

pinkpig08

catenorfolk wrote: »

Surely it is irelevant which part the mother paid or the child benefits paid. The NRP should help contribute to the childs upbringing. and whether his money paid the childs food bill or the trip money, as long as his contribution is being paid into the pot that is all that matters.

That's exactly my point. The PWC could not say 'your father hasn't contributed', as it is never defined which money was paid for what. It struck me in the other posts that the father wasn't classed as contributing to the savings - how do they know?

You can't say in one breath that the father hasn't contributed, then in the next say it doesn't matter what money is used for what.

I am saying that he has contributed, whether the money was used for food, clothes, savings or whatever - in the OPs case. I am not talking about my DHs case here.

catenorfolk

I think that you are mixing up and confusing things that are posted on here. I understand that your children are not lucky enough to have a sum put away from them every month and their half brothers are!!! Their mother could spend it and how would you know. I think she is doing a very wise thing. The fact that the pwc is lucky enough to have a new husband to help support her and the kids and taken her away on holidays is really nothing to do with anyone but them. But then i think you are lucky your partner is going to take on your eldest daughter and not complain about how much he has to pay towards her upkeep when he is not her flesh and blood. just enjoy what you have got.

Loopy_Girl

julesuk71 wrote: »

I dont feel jealous about the ex having more money etc... etc... I just dont like that fact that my girls get ALOT less than the boys, and my husband bleats on about them all being equal - yes, equal in his heart, but definately not financially! - but I just have to get over it , I know!

ALOT less than £5 a day from their Dad? Really? Cos that's all his kids from his ex relationship are getting.

The reason they are getting more than your girls is because the ex has married a wealthy man - nothing whatsoever to do with your husbands maintenance.

So you are quite correct - they are not equal financially as your girls are getting way more money than the boys are from their Dad.

God, your hubby sounds like a throughly decent bloke. Don't try to change his heart of gold with your strange way of looking at things and seething jealousy

pinkpig08

catenorfolk wrote: »

I think that you are mixing up and confusing things that are posted on here. I understand that your children are not lucky enough to have a sum put away from them every month and their half brothers are!!! Their mother could spend it and how would you know. I think she is doing a very wise thing. The fact that the pwc is lucky enough to have a new husband to help support her and the kids and taken her away on holidays is really nothing to do with anyone but them. But then i think you are lucky your partner is going to take on your eldest daughter and not complain about how much he has to pay towards her upkeep when he is not her flesh and blood. just enjoy what you have got.

Are you confusing me with the OP?

catenorfolk

is meant for op as such

neas

The father has contributed a mandatory amount to make up for the real costs of bringing the kids up. Most likely the costs will be far more than 34 quid a week per child. Hell Im sure dinner money/bus money/pocket money easily will come to that!!

What I am still amazed at is how op can be jealous/vindicitive(i dunno word for it)... basically we've all had our say, she thinks we are having a bit of a go at her but we are trying to drill in a neutral perspective into her head.

OP then goes on to justify how in the future her partner will respond to any request from children for university aid, because he paid toward their upkeep during their pre-18 years.

Just seems the same attitude bouncing back.

Let me boil it down to you very easy.

Your Husband is most probably paying more per child towards the child that isn't even his (YOUR CHILD) than he is towards his other two flesh and blood children.

Stop being so jealous of the other family and respect husbands views. I also take a dislike that you are making decisions for husband for 10+ years in future! Is it cause Im a guy i think like this?

Blonde_Bint

neas wrote: »

The father has contributed a mandatory amount to make up for the real costs of bringing the kids up. Most likely the costs will be far more than 34 quid a week per child. Hell Im sure dinner money/bus money/pocket money easily will come to that!!

What I am still amazed at is how op can be jealous/vindicitive(i dunno word for it)... basically we've all had our say, she thinks we are having a bit of a go at her but we are trying to drill in a neutral perspective into her head.

OP then goes on to justify how in the future her partner will respond to any request from children for university aid, because he paid toward their upkeep during their pre-18 years.

Just seems the same attitude bouncing back.

Let me boil it down to you very easy.

Your Husband is most probably paying more per child towards the child that isn't even his (YOUR CHILD) than he is towards his other two flesh and blood children.

Stop being so jealous of the other family and respect husbands views. I also take a dislike that you are making decisions for husband for 10+ years in future! Is it cause Im a guy i think like this?

Can we please allow for some 'human nature' guys lol. I was hoping to make the op feel happy about what she is doing point out the good things but I fear the posts after mine are undoing my hard work. If we start, on throwing words like 'jealous' at her we may put her back to where she was when she originally posted. you PWC on here are valuable to people who are not PWC as we cannot understand your position as well because we are not in your position. Understanding is the key to a better relationship between NRP and PWC if its not possible to communicate with our own then we can get that understanding from those on here who are

Blonde_Bint

neas wrote: »

The father has contributed a mandatory amount to make up for the real costs of bringing the kids up. Most likely the costs will be far more than 34 quid a week per child. Hell Im sure dinner money/bus money/pocket money easily will come to that!!

What I am still amazed at is how op can be jealous/vindicitive(i dunno word for it)... basically we've all had our say, she thinks we are having a bit of a go at her but we are trying to drill in a neutral perspective into her head.

OP then goes on to justify how in the future her partner will respond to any request from children for university aid, because he paid toward their upkeep during their pre-18 years. Dont lets have a go eh, we dont know that when the kids are 18 he wont be paying for them. I would just like to make a little point A POINT NOT AN ACCUSATION I find people tend to get jumped on op has come round found a better way of looking at her situation and then gets a jumping on for it.

Just seems the same attitude bouncing back.

Let me boil it down to you very easy.

Your Husband is most probably paying more per child towards the child that isn't even his (YOUR CHILD) than he is towards his other two flesh and blood children.

Stop being so jealous (human nature)of the other family and respect husbands views. I also take a dislike that you are making decisions for husband for 10+ years in future! Is it cause Im a guy i think like this?

I think perhaps it is. Even though men and women like to think they are equal, I believe men and women will never be equal because we are different. I think although jealousy can be a man or woman thing its probably more usual to find it in a woman than a man. Guys can we cut this woman a break please, jumping down peoples neck isnt the way to make them feel different or get them to see that another way would be a better way. You are very well placed on this forum to change someones thinking for the better. used wisely you could be responsible for some NRPs and PWC having better relationships for a long term very good for the children within .

Back me up someone back me up pleeeeeease i'm feeling the arrows being drawn lol.


OK BINTY HAS SPOKEN I'VE FOUND A SOLUTION MORE UNDERSTANDING LESS ACCUSATION its not a cure but its a start :j